George Washington Slept Here

Bill Fuller:
Connie, why didn't you tell me about this letter from the bank?

Connie Fuller:
I didn't want to bother you, Bill.

Bill Fuller:
Bother me? It's just a letter about foreclosure, that's all.

Connie Fuller:
It's Saturday afternoon. I'm taking you for a drive in the country.

Bill Fuller:
A drive? What do I want to drive in the country for? It's full of insects.

Connie Fuller:
Darling, are you alright?

Bill Fuller:
Oh, fine. Fine. [looks around] Well, at least nothing can happen for ANOTHER 17 years. [Both Bill and Connie fall into a boarded up well, followed by a big splash]

Mr. 'Kimbie' Kimber, the Handyman:
[looking inside] Mr. and Mrs. Fuller struck water! WHOOPIIIIEEEE!

Bill Fuller:
When George Washington slept here, where did he hang his clothes? There isn't a closet in there. And apparently, he never had to go to the bathroom.

Raymond:
Y'know, I nearly killed Pop once. They stopped me just in time. I was only a kid then.

Bill Fuller:
They should've put you in an electric highchair. Sit down, ya' rat!

Raymond:
[hanging from a tree branch] Hey Uncle Bill, look at me, I'm Tarzan the apeman! [singing] Look at me, up in a tree!

Bill Fuller:
Right where he belongs.

Connie Fuller:
This must be why people drink, it makes them feel better.

Bill Fuller:
I can just see myself ending my days here. I can hear them say, 'There's the old Fuller's place up the road. Ever meet old man Fuller? He's a HERMIT! Don't let your children go near him, he'll eat their arms off!' [suddenly falls into an old, boarded-up well]

Bill Fuller:
[stomping up the stairs] Is it safe to walk up this thing in September, or must I install a ski lift?

Mr. 'Kimbie' Kimber, the Handyman:
Ain't had a good snowstorm in about... three years.

Connie Fuller:
You just wait until you see it a month from now when it's fixed up. We're going to do it all with local labor. Aren't we, Mr. Kimber? Mr. Kimber's going to superintend the whole thing. Can't you just see the possibilities?

Bill Fuller:
Connie, I don't see how you do it... or WHY!

Mr. 'Kimbie' Kimber, the Handyman:
[singing after taking a drink of cider] I'll never smiiille agaain until I smile at you.

Moving Man:
You know what that dame told me? "George Washington slept here."

Moving Man:
Yeah? I guess that's what drove them to Valley Forge.

Hester, the Fullers' Maid:
George Washington shoulda' chopped this house down instead of the cherry tree!

Bill Fuller:
Look at this place! Just LOOK at it!

Connie Fuller:
But, it was a terrific bargain, Bill. I got it as a terrific bargain.

Bill Fuller:
[in mock disbelief] MORE than a dollar?

Bill Fuller:
[stepping off a train with a box of gardening supplies] Got my hands full, Sam. I'll tip you tomorrow.

Sam, Porter at Train:
[watching Bill walk away] Same thing everyday.

Mr. 'Kimbie' Kimber, the Handyman:
Mr. Fuller, every time you open the screen door, some flies get in.

Bill Fuller:
Oh, so it's MY fault for coming into the house!

Mr. 'Kimbie' Kimber, the Handyman:
Well, it'd be better if you didn't.

Bill Fuller:
I see...

Connie Fuller:
Darling, what's the matter with your head.

Bill Fuller:
There's nothing the matter with MY head, Connie. I'm holding it because it's the only head left in the family.

Connie Fuller:
Bill! Why don't we invite Mr. Kimber? After all, it's HIS cider.

Bill Fuller:
Well, sure! [calling out the window] HEY, MR. KIIMBEER! MR. HIII-HO KIMBEERRR!

Bill Fuller:
[reading the letter from the old boot] Gentlemen: We are facing a time of peril so grave in our brief National history, that there is now only the choice of serving the country a little longer, or having the country no longer to serve. Under the favor of Almighty God, we have become a Nation. Let me say to you that I hate war. But we remain one Nation, one People, that time is not distant when we may choose war o'er peace... In the words of Thom Paine, 'THESE are the times that try men's souls. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness alone that gives every thing its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as FREEDOM should not be highly rated.' George Washington November 10, 1777

Connie Fuller:
Please say you're not angry.

Bill Fuller:
Angry? I could spit from here to Mt. Vernon.

Raymond:
[to Uncle Stanley at dinner table] Boy, if you didn't have money, you'd be in trouble with those stories.

Bill Fuller:
Connie, I don't know how you do it... or why.