Get Bruce

Whoopi Goldberg:
Part of the way that people view me is because of how Bruce has written for me. And I'm very grateful for that. 'Cause it makes me... actually look much smarter then I am.

Bruce Vilanch:
I'm friendly with a lot of big stars. They're wonderful individuals mano a mano... but you don't get to be the biggest star in the world by really caring a lot about anything else but yourself... and becoming the biggest star in the world.

Bruce Vilanch:
[about the pay in the industry] The bigger the show, the smaller the salary.

Bruce Vilanch:
[when he won his Emmy] I'm very sorry I didn't have to sleep around to win this award.

Bruce Vilanch:
Actually everything gets revised 4,000 times. I mean there's no writing. There's only rewriting.

Steven Seagal:
Are you sort of rewriting? 'Cause I should get in on that.

Bruce Vilanch:
Yeah!

Steven Seagal:
A**hole writer that I am.

Bruce Vilanch:
Oh, I'm in that guild.

Steven Seagal:
Yeah, I'm in that f***in' guild too.

Bruce Vilanch:
A**hole writers of America.

Steven Seagal:
The Cocksucker A**holes of America.

Salma Hayek:
I'm not. I need you guys here.

Steven Seagal:
[to Bruce] Don't forget the cocksuckers.

Bruce Vilanch:
Would I forget the cocksucker part? Surely you've heard. [all three laughs]

Bette Midler:
It's no secret that Bruce and I go back many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many years.

George Schlatter:
If it's done right, you're right on the edge. You're working without a net. And to do that, you have to have people around you who you trust. That's why Bette goes to Bruce, and that's why Lily and Whoopi. They will all go to Bruce Vilanch. They all say. "Get Vilanch".