Get Him to the Greek

Aldous Snow:
This is it, Aaron. This is rock n' roll. Did you enjoy the party?

Aldous Snow:
When the world slips you a Jeffrey, stroke the furry wall.

Sergio Roma:
You can't outrun me! I'm black!

Aldous Snow:
[as he is watching TV] Didn't I have sex with her once?

[Aldous sees Sarah Marshall on TV]

Aldous Snow:
Yeah, I did.

Daphne Binks:
I can't wait to sit around for 4 days and watch "Gossip Girl."

Daphne Binks:
I want to have a threesome.

Sergio Roma:
If he tells you to stick the drugs in your ass, you stick them in your ass.

Aaron Green:
[has just been injected with adrenaline] I'm alive!

Aaron Green:
I feel like I'm in "2 Fast 2 Furious."

Aldous Snow:
We're gonna f*** these two girls.

Aaron Green:
I just got out of a relationship.

Aldous Snow:
Was your ex a blonde or brunette?

Aaron Green:
Brunette.

Aldous Snow:
Blonde it is.

Sergio Roma:
You tell him that you loved "African Child."

Matty:
Man, that opening party was incredible. Check out the pictures on Myspace. There's one of me eating cheese off some girl's titties.

Aaron Green:
Please just lie to me and say I didn't miss another awesome party.

Matty:
You missed an awesome party. I woke up with glitter on my dick.

Sergio Roma:
Shut up. Don't speak.

Jonathan Snow:
That's the best part about the Jeffrey. It goes away and then it comes back.

Sergio Roma:
Go get your Destiny.

Aldous Snow:
What you did was very spiteful, but it was also very brave and very honest and I respect you for doing that. But the content of what you said has made me hate you. So there's a layer of respect, admittedly, for your truthfulness, but it's peppered with hate. Hateful respect.

Aldous Snow:
Your brain is full of lollipops, rainbows, and cheese.

Limousine Driver in London:
Would you like me to take the Chiswick roundabout through Hounslow and Staines?

Aaron Green:
What is this, f***ing Middle Earth? Just take us to the airport, okay.

Sergio Roma:
You've been mind-f***ed before?

Aaron Green:
I don't think so.

Sergio Roma:
I'm mind-f***ing you right now.

Aaron Green:
You are?

Sergio Roma:
Can't you feel my dick f***ing your mind?

Aaron Green:
No, I can't really feel anything.

Sergio Roma:
See? That's it. That's the art of it. I'm mind-f***ing the sh*t out of you.

Aaron Green:
Well I hope you're wearing a condom cause I have a dirty mind.

Sergio Roma:
[intense] Time to get our mind-f*** on.

Sergio Roma:
[in a text] Where the f*** are you? I am gonna kill you. Smiley face.

Sergio Roma:
Where are you? Why haven't you called? I'm calling you right now and I just got hit by a motherf***ing car.

Jonathan Snow:
I'm responsible for your talent, son. I wrote all your songs off the tip of my cock.

Aldous Snow:
Yeah, I just don't get how talent can be contained in one's spunk.

Aaron Green:
I think I just got raped.

Aldous Snow:
[handing him a joint] Only one thing to do.

Aaron Green:
[taking a hit] Uh, guys? What is this stuff? My heart's going really fast.

Aldous Snow:
Oh, it's a bit of this, a bit of that. It's called a Jeffrey. It's mostly weed, with a bit of opium as well... ground-up E's... heroin... Clorox...

Aaron Green:
I think I'm having a heart attack.

Aldous Snow:
Aaron, look at what you're wearing. Do you think that now you live in Seattle, you're grunge or something? You look like a lesbian.

Aaron Green:
Play the song, man.

Aaron Green:
[Aaron has a balloon full of heroin up his ass] Oh, no.

Aldous Snow:
What?

Aaron Green:
I have to sneeze... and I'm afraid that if I do... my bowels will evacuate...

Aldous Snow:
[Lars Ulrich enters scene] Oh, Enter Sandman.

Aaron Green:
[as Sergio is chasing after them in a hotel lobby] This is the longest hallway of all time!

Aldous Snow:
It's Kubrickian!

Aldous Snow:
This is not an appropriate time to say "namaste".

Aldous Snow:
When you hear about someone and then you meet them... That's happening now.

Destiny:
Wanna sing hairy-oke?

Sergio Roma:
This is what old p*ssy used to look like in the 70's.

Daphne Binks:
I'm f***in' psyched.

Aaron Green:
I'm not sucking his dick, that's like 100%.

Sergio Roma:
Stop smiling like that. You look like an 8 year old who just discovered his first boner.

Aaron Green:
...Well I don't have one so...

Sergio Roma:
I've got six f***in' kids! Do you know how many Air Jordans six black kids wear?

Pharrell Williams:
How do I look?

Sergio Roma:
Man, lose the pink. It's not gangster.

Pharrell Williams:
That's your problem. Everything is gangster with you.

Sergio Roma:
The name of the song is "I'm Gangsta!"

Aaron Green:
Are you Paul Krugman?

Paul Krugman:
Uh, yeah.

Aaron Green:
My dad loves your sh*t.

Paul Krugman:
Uh, thank you.

Aaron Green:
Do you know the lyrics to "African Child"?

Smiling African Drummer:
I don't know the lyrics. I just bang the drum and do the African face.

[He shows Aaron his version of playing the African drum]

Aaron Green:
Across the mystic desert, is a desert that is mystic.

Aldous Snow:
I was watching the news one day and I saw footage about, uh, war, and I think it was Darfur, or Zimbabwe, or Rwanda, or one of 'em, and I thought, 'this isn't right, is it?' And I made some phone calls and it turns out, it isn't.

Aaron Green:
Don't be a b*tch dude, Let me get my smoke on.

Pharrell Williams:
You're five zippers away from "Thriller".

Sergio Roma:
Oh, and you're one shirt away from Carlton, muthaf***a.

Aaron Green:
[Dildo violently rubbed against his face] When's the last time you Purelled that thing?

Aaron Green:
Nothing you say makes any sense, I understand that now, you're just a f***ing junkie and you're smart so you make your insanity sound, good but its bullshit.

Aldous Snow:
I labored under the myth of monogamy for sever years with Jackie and it was pointless.

Aaron Green:
So you only slept with Jackie?

Aldous Snow:
No, I slept with other people but I always told her about it. Monogamy.

Aaron Green:
[at a club] What's up man?

Tom Felton:
Hey.

Aaron Green:
I'm here with Aldous Snow, so we have a table in the back.

Tom Felton:
[not interested] Great.

Aaron Green:
Feel free to bring Professor Snape. Come by, we'll play some late night Quidditch.

Tom Felton:
Just leave it, you... [walks away]

Aaron Green:
Right. Not everyone cares.

Aldous Snow:
How's the weather down there?

Jackie Q:
Wet.

Sergio Roma:
Where the f*** have you guys been?

Sergio's Security Guard:
We went and saw Cher.

Sergio Roma:
Cher? How was she?

Sergio's Security Guard:
[Dazzled] Amaaaazing!

Jackie Q:
The old Aldous, would've you know, had his way with you he would have bent you over that pretty little chair and had his way and now we'd be having a three way you'd be coming over for a cognac later I'll tell you that sweetie. You bet that's not happening anymore.

Aldous Snow:
Do you want me to start drinking again? Is that what you'd like? You want me to return to that?

Jackie Q:
Maybe you should. Maybe you should.

Aldous Snow:
I'll do lines off her forehead while I'm in her up to my nuts. Is that what you want?

Jackie Q:
I'm just saying.

Jackie Q:
[sung] One, two, three, four, it's just like comin' in the back door. Five, six, seven, eight, uhh, feels great. A ring, a ring, a ring around my rosy. My little pocket is so fit and so damn cozy. Ring, a ring, a ring around my rosy. All the boys in town say I've the prettiest of posies. A ring around my rosy, my pocket's so damn cozy, and my posy, my posy. I'm talking about my a**hole.

Aldous Snow:
Doesn't it make sense that we should stay here and possibly have the time of your life?

[sending Aaron a text]

Sergio Roma:
Aaron! Where the f*** are you? I'm gonna kill you! Smiley face.

Sergio Roma:
[in Aaron's hallucination] You lost control motherf***er! Wee! Wee! Look, I'm eating my own head!

Aldous Snow:
[urging Aaron to put drugs up his rectum] Come on, mate, we ain't got all day. It's not recreational, it's not meant to be a hobby, just get it up there. Close the door behind ya.

Aldous Snow:
Let's get out of this bourgeois sh*t hole.

Aldous Snow:
Now I'm just worried about drugs. Your life's to-do list must be a baffling document. You're worried about so many things Aaron. You're worried about will we get to the show, will I perform well, will you get the credit you deserve. Mine has on it but one word. Do you know what that word is?