Get Shorty

Chili Palmer:
Whew, this movie business is tough. I might just have to go back to loan-sharking for a while to get some vacation.

Limo Driver With Sign:
Mr. Barbone? Welcome to L.A., I'm Bobby, your driver. I hope you had a pleasant flight.

Ray "Bones" Barboni:
Yeah well, I hope you drive better than you f***ing spell, jack-off. My name is Barboni, not Barbone, okay!

Ray "Bones" Barboni:
I'm from Miami-f***in'-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?

Limo Driver With Sign:
They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.

Ray "Bones" Barboni:
That's what they say, huh? What a bunch of f***in bullshit.

Bo Catlett:
You broke into my house, and I have a witness to it.

Chili Palmer:
What?

Bo Catlett:
Only this time it ain't no John Wayne and Dean Martin shooting bad guys in "El Dorado."

Chili Palmer:
That was "Rio Bravo." Robert Mitchum played the drunk in "El Dorado." Dean Martin played the drunk in "Rio Bravo." Basically, it was the same part. Now John Wayne, he did the same in both. He played John Wayne.

Bo Catlett:
Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.

Bo Catlett:
Yayo! You gonna smoke, then you get the hell off my six-hundred-dollars-a-yard carpet. Now, I told you where the money is, all you have to do is go and get it.

Yayo Portillo:
No! No, I tell you something. I go to the airport, man, I open that locker and they bust me? I tell them I come to get something for you! That's all I know.

Bo Catlett:
That's all you know, huh?

Yayo Portillo:
That's all I know.

Bo Catlett:
Wait a minute here, Yayo, I'll be back directly.

Bo Catlett:
Keep an eye on Yoyo out there.

Yayo Portillo:
That's the way you get things done.

Yayo Portillo:
What the f*** you gonna do with that?

Bo Catlett:
I'm taking you out, Yahoo.

Chili Palmer:
Look at me.

Chili Palmer:
Now I've been shot at three times before. Twice on purpose and once by accident. And I'm still here. And I'm gonna be here for as long as I want to be.

Chili Palmer:
Harry Zimm.

Harry Zimm:
Jesus Christ!

Chili Palmer:
How you doing? I'm Chili Palmer.

Harry Zimm:
Jesus, if I have a heart attack, I hope you know what to do.

Karen Flores:
I think you could be an actor.

Chili Palmer:
Well, I could see myself in the parts that Robert De Niro plays. Or maybe even, an Al Pacino movie, you know, playing a real hard-on. But I couldn't see myself in those movies where three grown-up guys get left with a baby, and so they act like three grown-up a**holes, acting all cute...

Karen Flores:
Chili, Chili, look at me.

Chili Palmer:
If you're gonna set somebody up, it's gotta be a surprise, you got that?

Bear:
You spotted them, huh?

Chili Palmer:
What, did you see that work in some movie you got beat up in?

Bo Catlett:
I'd like to introduce my associate, The Bear. Movie stuntman, champion bodybuilder. Throws out things I don't want.

Bear:
I think you ought to turn around and head back to Miami.

Chili Palmer:
So you're a stuntman, huh?

Bear:
Yeah.

Chili Palmer:
You any good?

Bear:
Am I any good?

Chili Palmer:
That's not bad for a guy his size.

Chili Palmer:
Bear, look at me. You tell your boss I don't ever want to see him again. And that means he's got to be nowhere near me, Karen, or Harry. You understand?

Chili Palmer:
Okay, get up. What are you hanging around that guy for, anyway? I mean, you were in the movies, right? You were a stuntman. What's he ever done that he can talk about? You okay?

Bear:
Not too bad.

Chili Palmer:
How about when you fell down the stairs?

Bear:
Pulled my quadriceps.

Chili Palmer:
So how many movies you been in, anyway?

Bear:
About sixty.

Chili Palmer:
No sh*t. What were some of them?

Bo Catlett:
You see how he just went over the rail like that? Maybe I could get Chili Palmer up here, and you could fix my balcony to give way like they do in the movies. I invite him to take a look at my view, he leans over the rail, pitches off the balcony into the sweet by-and-by...

Bear:
Cat, that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard.

Chili Palmer:
How do you think that happened?

Bear:
Beats the sh*t out of me.

Bo Catlett:
You understand, I knew Harry was lying, saying this wasn't any good, but holding on it, man, you'd have to break his fingers to get it away from him.

Chili Palmer:
That's funny, because I was just thinking what I'd have to break of yours to get it away from you.

Bo Catlett:
Now I'm explaining to you what I'm doing here, in case you thought I came to rob the place, rip off any of this dusty old sh*t that the man has.

Chili Palmer:
I wouldn't make you out to be a burglar, not in that outfit.

Bo Catlett:
Harry called you his associate. What exactly does that mean? I mean, I never heard your name, or read it in Variety, or The Star, or anyplace.

Chili Palmer:
It's what he said, I'm his associate.

Bo Catlett:
You must bring something heavy to the deal.

Chili Palmer:
I do: me.

Bo Catlett:
It says here you're getting Martin Weir for the part of Lovejoy?

Chili Palmer:
That's right, we're getting Martin.

Bo Catlett:
Come on, how you gonna do that?

Chili Palmer:
I'm gonna take a gun, I'm gonna put it to his head, and say, "sign the f***ing papers, Martin, or you're dead." That's it.

Bo Catlett:
I wonder, would that work?

Chili Palmer:
I can't believe the way you do business out here. I can't believe how f***ed-up your organization is.

Bo Catlett:
I tell you what. How about I count to three, and I organize your f***ing brain all over the wall back there. How 'bout that?

Chili Palmer:
Leo, sit down. I don't know how you got this far, you're so f***ing dumb. But you're through now, and let me explain why. Ray Bones is the man that you're dealing with now, and when Bones finds out what you did, he's gonna take everything, including the sporty little hat you got on your head. And then most likely he'll shoot you, so you won't tell on him. Now, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna hurt you. Now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag here. I'm gonna take the three hundred thousand that you scammed from the airline, and then the ten that's left over, I'm gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time.

Leo:
Wait, you take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?

Chili Palmer:
At eighteen percent. Now don't ask another f***ing question, I'm leaving.

Bo Catlett:
Mr. Escobar, maybe your nephew panicked and took off.

Mr. Escobar:
Why are you talking to me this bullshit? I think maybe I have Ramon and Cesar staple your tongue to your chin! What do you think?

Bo Catlett:
I think you speak very good English, Mr. Escobar.

Chili Palmer:
Harry, look at me. You're trying to tell me you f***ed up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do.

Chili Palmer:
You had a bad day, huh?

Karen Flores:
I spent all day crawling out of a grave. The director said that I was incapable of reaching the emotional core of the character.

Chili Palmer:
What? Well, obviously he didn't see you in "Bride of the Mutant."

Karen Flores:
You saw that one?

Chili Palmer:
When you turn to the alien mother, and you tell her that her time on earth is finished, Joan Crawford, on her best day, wishes that she had, in her day, the emotion and the intensity that you brought to that scene.

Karen Flores:
I know I'm better than what I've been doing all these years, walking around in f***-me pumps and a tank-top, waiting until it was time to scream.

Chili Palmer:
Yeah, but what a scream.

Karen Flores:
Oh yeah, it's a real talent. Look, all I'm saying is, what I wouldn't give for the chance to say one really great line. You know, like in that great Bette Davis movie where she says, "I'd kiss you..."

Chili Palmer:
"But I just washed my hair."

Harry Zimm:
The guy's been in town two days, and already he thinks he's David O. F***ing Selznick.

Bo Catlett:
I'm gonna get up, soon as I'm gone, you get up and move over to this same seat I'm in. You feel something under your ass, that's a key to a locker where your half-million is, along with some product we're returning. Powder's been stepped on so many times it's baby food.

Leo:
But you won't know where I am. I mean, I don't even know where I'll be!

Chili Palmer:
I'll find you, Leo. You leave a trail like a f***ing caterpillar.

Nicky:
How's Momo these days anyway?

Chili Palmer:
Dead.

Martin:
And I'm wondering: how did it all slip away?

Karen:
Well, it didn't slip away, Martin. You did, when you went off to f*** Nicky at my birthday party.

Martin:
Yeah, that was a good party.

Doris:
Well, aren't you gonna offer me whatever it is you taste like?

Chili Palmer:
How did you get in here?

Ray Bones:
It was easy. I told 'em I was you, I acted real stupid and they believed me.

Karen:
"I'll think about it" means nothing in L.A...

Ray "Bones" Barboni:
Let me explain something to you. Momo is dead. Which means that everything he had now belongs to Jimmy Cap, including you. Which also means, that when I speak, I speak for Jimmy. E.g., from now on, you start showing me the proper f***ing respect.

Chili Palmer:
"E.g." means "for example". What I think you want to say is "I.e.".

Ray "Bones" Barboni:
Bullshit! That's short for "ergo".

Chili Palmer:
Ask your man.

Bodyguard:
To the best of my knowledge, "e.g." means "for example".

Ray "Bones" Barboni:
E.g., i.e., f*** you! The point is this: is that, When I say "jump", you say "OK", okay?

Karen Flores:
Weren't you scared back there?

Chili Palmer:
You bet.

Karen Flores:
You don't act like it.

Chili Palmer:
Well, I was scared then, but I'm not scared now. How long do you want me to be scared?

Bo Catlett:
You think we watch any of your movies, Harry? I've seen better film on teeth.

Chili Palmer:
I'm the guy who's telling you the way it is.

Chili Palmer:
That's Martin Weir! He's the one who played the mob guy-turned snitch in "Cyclone!"

Harry Zimm:
One of his best parts.

Chili Palmer:
No, his best part was when he played the crippled gay guy who climbed Mt. Whitney.

Harry Zimm:
"Ride the Clouds." Good picture.

Ray Bones:
F*** you, f***ball.

Chili Palmer:
Martin, look at me.

Martin Weir:
I'm looking at you

Chili Palmer:
No, look at me the way I'm looking at you.

Ray Bones:
They say the f***ing smog is the f***ing reason you have such beautiful f***ing sunsets.

Chili Palmer:
I'm not gonna say anymore than I have to, if that.

Harry Zimm:
I once asked this literary agent, uh, what kind of writing paid the best... he said, "Ransom notes."

Bo Catlett:
What is the point of living in L.A. if you're not in the movie business?

Chili Palmer:
What is that?

Rental Car Attendant:
It's an Oldsmobile Silhouette.

Chili Palmer:
I ordered a Cadillac.

Rental Car Attendant:
Oh, well, you got the Cadillac of minivans.

Harry Zimm:
I said I'd think about it. In this town, what does that mean? Nothing!

Chili Palmer:
Well, that's the difference between you and me, Harry. I say what I mean. I want Martin Weir? I go out and get Martin Weir. I don't f*** around with this bullshit with the trainer's shrink.

Chili Palmer:
I got an idea for a movie.

Ray "Bones" Barboni:
The f***in' airport.

Ray "Bones" Barboni:
Chili Palmer. It's chilly outside and it's Chili inside. It's a regular f***in' chili-fest!

Bo Catlett:
Now, be looking. The man over to your right in the blue wool shirt?

Bo Catlett:
The other way. Derecho! That's a federal officer, most likely DEA. He moves his leg, you look for the bulge. You savvy bulge?

Bo Catlett:
Good, that's his backup piece.

Bo Catlett:
Hey! Try and do it without looking at him, if you can.

Bo Catlett:
That's what you do, man, you put down one word after the other as it comes in your head. It isn't like having to learn how to play the piano, like you have to learn notes. You already learned in school how to write, didn't you? I hope so. You have the idea and you put down what you want to say. Then you get somebody to add in the commas . . . where they belong, if you aren't positive yourself. Maybe fix up the spelling where you have some tricky words. There people do that for you. Some, I've even seen scripts where I know words weren't spelled right and there was hardly any commas in it. So I don't think it's too important.

Chili:
So what're you tellin' me, you're never gonna go to sleep again?

Tommy:
No, I said I'm never goin' to bed. There's a difference. See, the article says most people die in their beds. I figure long as I stay outta bed, I'm safe.

Ray "Bones":
You got a miss. Leo Devoe. Guy's six weeks over.

Chili:
He died.

Ray "Bones":
How'd you know he died, he tell you?

Chili:
[Sarcastically] Yes, Ray, he told me he was dead.

Ray "Bones":
Momo is dead, which means that everything that he had now belongs to Jimmy Capp, including you, which also means when I speak, I'm speaking for Jimmy — e.g. from now on you start showing me the proper f***ing respect.

Chili:
"e.g." means "for example." I think what you want to say is "i.e."

Ray "Bones":
Bullshit. That's short for "ergo."

Chili:
Ask your man.

Mob Guy:
To best of my knowledge, "e.g." means "for example."

Ray "Bones":
e.g., i.e., f*** you! The point is this, is that when I say jump, you say "okay." Okay?

Chili:
What is this?

Attendant:
An Oldsmobile Silhouette.

Chili:
I reserved a Cadillac.

Attendant:
Yeah, well, this one's the Cadillac of minivans.

Chili:
Harry Zimm, how you doing? I'm Chili Palmer.

Harry:
Jesus, if I have a heart attack, I hope you know what to do.

Chili:
Where you been, Harry?

Harry:
Have we met? I don't recall.

Chili:
We just did. I told you my name's Chili Palmer.

Chili:
Harry, look at me.

Harry:
I'm looking at you.

Chili:
I want you to keep looking right here, okay?

Harry:
That's what I'm doing.

Chili:
So you're thinking what if I was to put you next to my dry cleaner. Ask him if he wants to invest his money in a movie.

Harry:
That, or I'm thinking what if some tragic accident were to befall the widow Saffrin...

Chili:
I'm not gonna pop her, Harry.

Harry:
Just a thought.

Bo Catlett:
There's nothin' to know. You have an idea, you write down what you wanna say. Then you get somebody to add in the commas and sh*t where they belong, if you aren't positive yourself. Maybe fix up the spelling where you have some tricky words... although I've seen scripts where I know words weren't spelled right and there was hardly any commas in it at all. So I don't think it's too important. Anyway, you come to the last page you write in 'Fade out' and that's the end, you're done.

Chili:
That's all there is to it? Then what the f*** do I need you for?

Chili:
You have a piece of a movie, that's all. You don't have a piece of Harry. He told you we're doing another movie first. And that's the way it's gonna be.

Ronnie:
Excuse me. But who the f*** are you?

Chili:
I'm the one telling you how it is. That's not too hard to figure out, is it?

Chili:
Hey... Karen. How ya' doin'?

Karen:
What're you doing here?

Chili:
I wanted to come by, apologise for coming into your house like I did last night.

Karen:
Lemme get this straight, you broke in again to apologize for breaking in before?

Chili:
No, no... you let the patio door open. You gotta stop doin' that, all the nice things you got around here.

Chili:
You read Harry's new one? He says it's the best thing he's ever read.

Karen:
He must mean after "Slime Creature 3".

Chili:
I was never much into it. All that bullshit having to do with respect. It's bad enough having to treat those guys like they're your heroes, having to smile when they make some stupid remark they think's real funny.

Karen:
And you think the movie business is any different?

Doris:
What a spectacular view.

Harry:
Yeah, lovely. Last night I watched two guys carjack a Camero down on the corner of Argyle there.

Chili:
Martin, look at me.

Martin:
I'm looking at you.

Chili:
No, I want you to look at me the way I'm looking at you. Put it in your eyes, 'You're mine, a**hole,' without saying it.

Martin:
Like this?

Chili:
What you're telling me, you're tired? You wanna go to bed?

Martin:
Wait. How about this?

Chili:
Now you're squinting like you need glasses. Look at me. I'm thinking, You're mine. I f***in' own you. What I'm not doing is feeling anything about it one way or the other. You understand? You're not a person to me, you're a name in my collection book, a guy owes me money, that's all.

Martin:
How about this?

Chili:
That's not bad.

Martin:
That's what I think of you, a**hole. Nothing.

Chili:
I believe it.

Cabbie:
You ever wanta go to the beach, here's the freeway you take we're coming to.

Ray "Bones":
I live in Miami and you want to show me a f***in' beach? The sun ever come out here, or you have this smog all the time?

Cabbie:
They say the smog's the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.

Escobar:
Now why would you do that? Put the money in a locker?

Bo Catlett:
Because there were a zillion DEA guys hanging around the terminal.

Escobar:
A zillion, huh? That's a lot.

Ronnie:
The man you're standin' on happens to belong to me and my partner, bro.

Ray "Bones":
Well, this piece of sh*t owes me money.

Ronnie:
Hey, get in line.

Ray "Bones":
Yeah, but I don't like waiting in lines.

Ronnie:
Tough sh*t, bro. This ain't Miami. You want something, you gotta talk to me.

Ray "Bones":
No no no, f*** you fuckball. I mean, L.A is an open city, and I don't think I have to get permission from nobody for nothing.

Ronnie:
Oh really? Well, I just closed it.

Bear:
You see the paper?

Bo Catlett:
I seen it, but I don't believe it. Says Harry shot Ronnie five times. Four to the chest and one through his foot.

Bear:
His foot. Jeez, poor Ronnie...

Chili:
What kinda food they serve at this Ivy place anyway?

Karen:
Continental, but it doesn't matter. Martin won't order from the menu.

Chili:
Why not?

Karen:
Because a movie star can never order straight from the menu. They have to think of something they have to have that isn't on the menu.

Chili:
You don't need that. You want to sit down and talk, it's fine with me. Get this straightened out. How'd you get in here?

Ray "Bones":
I told them I was you. I acted real stupid and they believed me.

Ray "Bones":
That man, he's got no respect for us.

Jimmy:
No, he's got no respect for YOU!

Chili Palmer:
I don't think the producer has to do much, outside of maybe knowing a writer.

Chili Palmer:
Listen, "Touch of Evil"'s playing near my hotel. You wanna go check it out? Watch Charlton Heston play a Mexican?

Chili Palmer:
Look at me, Leo. I wouldn't think you're that dumb, leave over three hundred grand in the closet, underneath the extra blanket, but I guess you are.

Chili Palmer:
You know, Welles didn't even wanna do that one. Some studio made him do it. He owed 'em one and all his own movies lost money. But, hey, sometimes that's when you do your best work, you got a gun to your head...

Chili Palmer:
Rough business this movie business. I may have to go back to loan sharking for a rest.

Chili Palmer:
Hey, Bear, look at me. Tell your boss I don't ever want to see him again. He made a deal with Harry and a deal's a deal.

Harry Zimm:
I produce feature motion pictures, no TV. You mentioned Grotesque? That happened to be Grotesque Part Two that Karen Flores was in. She starred in all three of my "Slime Creatures" releases you might have seen.

Harry Zimm:
That's half a movie, with holes in it. Maybe forty minutes of screen time. You don't even have a girl, a female lead, and on top of that, there's no one to sympathize with, you don't have a good guy.

Harry Zimm:
A blockbuster. But quality. No mutants or maniacs. This one's gonna be my "Driving Miss Daisy".

Harry Zimm:
Every day, same time, they come down here and have breakfast. He has the egg white omelette; she has the banana pancakes. He sits facing west so he can see his billboard. She faces east so she has an excuse to wear the shades.

Harry Zimm:
Anyway, Murray has this shrink, who also happens to be Martin's personal trainer's shrink. Murray gives the shrink the script and the shrink gives it to Martin's trainer who reads it to Martin while they work out, and Martin flips. Loves it.

Harry Zimm:
What she did not say was, 'I just loved the way the director moved the camera so much it made me f***in' seasick.' All she cared about was that look. All she remembered was that look. And why do we remember things in movies? Because we can see them. So... keep this f***in' camera down here on the ground and shoot this scene, so we can see what the f*** is goin' on, before I get someone over sixteen to f***in' shoot it for you!

Karen Flores:
When I came upstairs, you stayed to finish your drink. I told you to turn off the TV when you were through. Come to think of it, I also told you you could sleep in the maid's room.

Karen Flores:
I spent all day crawling out of a grave. The costumer kept bitching 'cause I was ripping my nylons...

Karen Flores:
I know I'm better than what I've been doing the last ten years, walking around in f***-me pumps and a tank top, waiting till it's time to scream.

Karen Flores:
Yeah, well Martin is known for his flipping. He flips over a script, and when the time comes to make a deal, he flips out.

Karen Flores:
'It' didn't slip away, Martin, you did... when you went off to f*** Nicki in the middle of my birthday party.

Karen Flores:
Movie stars never pick up the check. They have no idea what things cost. Most of them don't know their zip code and a lot don't even know their own phone number.

Ray Barboni:
Chili Palmer. Chilly outside. Chili inside. It's a regular f***in' chili-fest. Hey, waiter, give Mr. Chili Pepper a big f***in' bowl of chili!

Ray Barboni:
You cut straight hair here or just fags?

Martin Wier:
I'm glad you rejected me ten years ago when I auditioned for Eddie Solomon, the pedophile clown in Birthday Boy. Had I gotten the part. I might've gotten typecast.