Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Benoit Blanc:
Hold on. What just happened?

Angela Lansbury:
Blanc, I saw you go in the engine room. You're the imposter. We all know it! Case closed, we're done.

Benoit Blanc:
I don't understand this at all. So Angie caught me and now the game's just over?

Stephen Sondheim:
Sorry, Blanc, you're thrown out the airlock. It's a no brainer.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar:
I've got to say, the world's greatest detective? I thought you'd be better at this.

Miles Bron:
Let me tell you a little secret. Your worldview is gonna change. Once you hear it, you can't un-hear it. Is your phone turned off?

Benoit Blanc:
Oh, I left it in my room.

Miles Bron:
Okay. If you want to shake things up, you start with something small. You break a norm or an idea or a convention, some little business model, but you go with things that people are kind of tired of anyway. Everybody gets excited because you're busting up something that everyone wanted broken in the first place. That's the infraction point. That's the place where you have to look within yourself, and ask: Am I the kind of person who will keep going? Will you break more things? Break bigger things? Be willing to break the thing that nobody wants you to break? Because at that point, people are not going to be on your side. They're going to call you crazy. They're gonna say you're a bully. They're gonna tell you to stop. Even your partner will say you need to stop. Because as it turns out, nobody wants you to break the system itself. But that is what true disruption is, and that is what unites all of us. We all got to that line, and crossed it.

Birdie Jay:
Like Miles said, I'm a truth teller. Some people can't handle it.

Benoit Blanc:
It's a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth. Don't you think?

Birdie Jay:
Are you calling me dangerous?

Benoit Blanc:
We'll see.

Benoit Blanc:
Pineapple juice! He just put pineapple juice in his whiskey! It... it's so dumb.

Birdie Jay:
It's so dumb, it's brilliant!

Benoit Blanc:
NO! It's just dumb!

Andi Brand:
What about Miles? What if he just did it?

Benoit Blanc:
Well, we can't rule it out, but Miles Bron is not an idiot. To risk committing murder after a very public court case, with the possibility of that email of Andi's coming to light, would be an exceedingly stupid thing to do, especially if someone was willing to do it for him.

Benoit Blanc:
Listen, I want to be clear. I am not Batman. I can find you the truth, I can gather evidence, I can present it to the police and the courts, but that is where my jurisdiction ends.

Andi Brand:
Yeah, but it's you doing it instead of me. I'll take those odds.

Peg:
We'll do what we always do - deny, half apologize, and then go silent a while. I will handle this.

[Birdie sheepishly hands Peg a phone that Peg was unaware of]

Peg:
What is this?

Birdie Jay:
It's my secret phone.

Peg:
[indicating what's on the phone's screen] What is this?

Birdie Jay:
An email from a SweetiePants contractor two years ago.

Peg:
[reading] "Ms. Jay, I am writing to inform you that the proposed Bangladesh factory is notoriously one of the world's biggest sweatshops. Please advise." And then you replied: "Sounds perfect, thanks," with your Memoji dabbing. [in dawning horror] Birdie... please tell me you did not think sweatshops are where they make sweatpants.

[a long pause, then an exaggerated shrug of bashful, stupid confirmation]

Peg:
[stunned] Oh my god...

Benoit Blanc:
His dock doesn't float. His wonder fuel... is a disaster. His grasp of disruption theory is remedial at best. He didn't design the puzzle boxes. He didn't write the mystery. Et voila! It all adds up! The key to this entire case, and it was staring me right in the face. Like everyone in the world, I assumed Miles Bron was a complicated genius, but why? Look into the clear center of this––Glass––Onion. Miles Bron is an idiot!

Miles Bron:
Oh, please, just tell us who tried to kill me.

Benoit Blanc:
Nobody tried to kill you, you vainglorious buffoon!

Benoit Blanc:
Mr. Bron, I've learned through bitter experience that an anonymous invitation is not to be trifled with.

Benoit Blanc:
My God, it's full of stars!

Benoit Blanc:
I like the glass onion, as a metaphor. An object that seems densely layered, but in reality, the centre is in plain sight. Your relationship with these people may seem complex, but looking at what you've done this weekend, it's crystal clear. You've taken seven people, each of whom has a real life reason to wish you harm, gathered them together on a remote island, and placed the idea of your murder in their heads. It's like putting a loaded gun on the table, and turning off the lights.

Benoit Blanc:
You dimwitted, brainless... JACKASS! Your one murder with any panache at all, and you stole the whole idea from me!

Benoit Blanc:
Oh, $#!@-balls!

Benoit Blanc:
Well, I keep returning in my mind to the glass onion. Something that seems densely layered, mysterious and inscrutable. But in fact, the centre is in plain sight. And that is why this case has confounded me like no other. Why, every complex layer peeled back has revealed another layer, and another layer, and come to naught. And that was the problem right there. You see, I expected complexity. I expected intelligence. I expected a puzzle, a game. But that's not what any of this is. It hides not behind complexity, but behind mind-numbing, obvious clarity. Truth is, it doesn't hide at all. I was staring right at it.

Miles Bron:
[about the Mona Lisa] You know Da Vinci invented a technique for brushstrokes that leave no lines? That's how you can look straight at her, and her expression changes every time. Her smile's there, then it disappears. Is she happy, is she sad, is it something else? This simple thing that you thought you were looking at, it suddenly takes on layers and depth so complex, gives you vertigo.

Miles Bron:
Okay, look, I know you guys think I'm a hippie, but can we just take a second and fully inbreathe at this moment together?

Miles Bron:
Andi used to tell me the truth. Nobody does that now. It's all just fake smiles and agendas and people wanting what they think they're owed. Hating you when you don't give it to them because that's what you're there for.

Andi Brand/Helen Brand:
You would lie for a lie, but you won't lie for the truth.

Andi Brand/Helen Brand:
If I ever meet Jared Leto, I am gonna whup his kombucha brewin' ass.

Andi Brand/Helen Brand:
Your fuel of the future just barbecued the world's most famous painting, you dumbass! Congratulations on the public launch of Klear, and the end of Miles Bron. You're ruined. And you did get your wish - to forever be remembered in the same breath as the Mona Lisa.

Birdie Jay:
Everything is so woke nowadays, it's out of control.

Birdie Jay:
What is reality?!