Gone Girl

Amy Dunne:
I will practice believing my husband loves me but I could be wrong.

Nick Dunne:
All I'm trying to do is being nice to the people who are volunteering to help find Amy.

Nick Dunne:
[to Amy] You. F***ing. B*tch.

Desi Collings:
Octopus and Scrabble?

Tanner Bolt:
I swear, you two are the most f***ed up people I've ever known and I specialize in f***ed up.

Sharon Schieber:
Nick Dunne. You're probably the most hated man in America right now. Did you kill your wife, Nick?

[last lines]

Nick Dunne:
What are you thinking? How are you feeling? What have we done to each other? What will we do?

Amy Dunne:
What's the laptop for?

Nick Dunne:
Laptopping!

Margo Dunne:
Whoever took her is bound to bring her back.

Tanner Bolt:
Whatever they found, I think it's safe to assume that it is very bad.

Officer Jim Gilpin:
You ever hear the expression the simplest answer is often the correct one?

Detective Rhonda Boney:
Actually, I have never found that to be true.

Nick Dunne:
You f***ing c*nt!

Amy Dunne:
I'm the c*nt you married! The only time you liked yourself was when you were trying to be someone this c*nt might like. I'm not a quitter... I'm that c*nt.

Nick Dunne:
You f***ing c*nt!

Amy Dunne:
I'm the c*nt you married. The only time you liked yourself was when you were trying to be someone this c*nt might like. I'm not a quitter, I'm that c*nt. I killed for you; who else can say that? You think you'd be happy with a nice Midwestern girl? No way, baby! I'm it.

Nick Dunne:
F***. You're delusional. I mean, you're insane, why would you even want this? Yes, I loved you and then all we did was resent each other, try to control each other. We caused each other pain.

Amy Dunne:
That's marriage.

Margo Dunne:
[discussing what kind of wood item Nick is going to give to Amy for their 5th wedding anniversary, the "wood" anniversary] So what are you going to give her?

Nick Dunne:
I don't know, there's nothing good for wood.

Margo Dunne:
I know what you can do. You go home and f*** her brains out. Then you take your penis and smack her in the face with it, and you say, "There's some wood, b*tch!"

Nick Dunne:
When I think of my wife, I always think of her head. The shape of it, to begin with.

Amy Dunne:
Amazing f***ing Amy is getting f***ing married!

Margo Dunne:
[after seeing how Nick cheated on his wife] You f***ing idiot...!

[first lines]

Nick Dunne:
When I think of my wife, I always think of the back of her head. I picture cracking her lovely skull, unspooling her brain, trying to get answers. The primal questions of a marriage: What are you thinking? How are you feeling? What have we done to each other? What will we do?

Nick Dunne:
Go, you're my voice of reason. I need you with me on this.

Margo Dunne:
Of course I'm with you. I was with you before we were even born.

Marybeth Elliott:
[Walking around North Carthage with Nick] My God, this place literally smells like feces.

Margo Dunne:
Everyone knows that 'complicated' is a code word for b*tch.

Nick Dunne:
[after seeing positive pregnancy test] I didn't touch you!

Amy Dunne:
You didn't need to.

Nick Dunne:
Bullshit! That notice of disposal, I have that. You threw it out.

Amy Dunne:
The notice? Yes. [rubs stomach]

Nick Dunne:
I want a blood test! I want a paternity test!

Amy Dunne:
I love tests.

Amy Dunne:
You think you'd be happy with a nice Midwestern girl? No way, baby! I'm it.

Nick Dunne:
You know, we have a pretty serious homeless problem in our neighborhood. You maybe could should check that out.

Officer Jim Gilpin:
We'll look into that.

Detective Rhonda Boney:
Well, we have our first clue. [holds an envelope that reads Clue One]

Nick Dunne:
Come home, Amy. I dare you.

Amy Dunne:
When two people love each other and they can't make that work, that's the real tragedy.

Amy Dunne:
The girl with the giant cum-on-me tits.

Amy Dunne:
I've killed for you. Who else can say that?

Amy Dunne:
We're so cute. I wanna punch us in the face.

Amy Dunne:
Nick dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder.

Nick Dunne:
Life. I don't remember the point.

Nick Dunne:
Your parents literally plagiarized your childhood?

Amy Dunne:
No, they improved upon it, and then peddled it to the masses.

Amy Dunne:
Want to test your marriage for weak spots? Add one recession, subtract two jobs. It's surprisingly effective.

Nick Dunne:
Do you really want to be the couple that has a baby to save their marriage?

Amy Dunne:
[in her diary] I will practice believing my husband loves me, and will love this baby. That this child might really save our marriage. But I could be wrong. Because sometimes, the way he looks at me, I think, man of my dreams, father of my child, this man of mine may kill me. He may truly kill me.

Amy Dunne:
I'm so much happier now that I'm dead.

Tanner Bolt:
I will drill you as if you were doing a deposition. What to say, what not to say.

Margo Dunne:
A trained monkey?

Tanner Bolt:
A monkey who doesn't get the lethal injection.

Amy Dunne:
I'm so much happier now that I'm dead. Technically missing. Soon to be presumed dead. Gone. And my lazy lying shitting oblivious husband will go to prison for my murder. Nick Dunne took my pride and my dignity and my hope and my money. He took and took from me until I no longer existed. That's murder. Let the punishment fit the crime. To fake a convincing murder you have to have discipline. You befriend a local idiot. Harvest the details of her hundrum life and cram her with stories about your husband's violent temper. Secretly create some money troubles: credit cards, perhaps online gambling. With the help of the unwitting, bump up your life insurance. Purchase getaway car. Craigslist. Generic. Cheap. Pay cash. You need to package yourself so that people will truly mourn your loss. And America loves pregnant women. As if it's so hard to spread your legs. You know what's hard? Faking a pregnancy. First, drain your toilet. Invite pregnant idiot into your home and ply her with lemonade. Steal pregnant idiot's urine. Voil?! A pregnany is now part of your legal medical record. Happy Aniversary. Wait for your clueless husband to start his day. Off he goes... and the clock is ticking. Meticulously stage your crime scene with just enough mistakes to raise the specter of doubt. You need to bleed. A lot. A lot, a lot. The head wound kind of bleed. A crime scene kind of bleed. You need to clean; poorly, like he would. Clean and bleed, bleed and clean. And leave a Little something behind: a fire in July? And because you're you, you don't stop there. You need a diary. M?nimum three hundred entries on the Nick and Amy story. Start with the fairy-tale early days: those are true, and they're crucial. You want Nick and Amy to be likable. After that, you invent. The spending, the abuse, the fear, the threat of violence. And Nick thought he was the writer... burn it, just the right amount. Make sure the cops will find it. Finally, honor tradition with a very special treasure hunt. And if I get everything right, the world will hate Nick for killing his beautiful, pregnant wife. And after all the outrage, when I'm ready, I'll go out on the water with a handful of pills and a pocket full of stones. And when they find my body, they'll know: Nick Dunne dumped his beloved like garbage, and she floated past all the other abused, unwanted, inconvenient women. Then Nick will die too. Nick and Amy will be gone, but then we never really existed. Nick loved a girl I was pretending to be. "Cool girl". Men always use that, don't they? As their defining compliment: "She's a cool girl". Cool girl is hot. Cool girl is game. Cool girl is fun. Cool girl never gets angry at her man. She only smiles in a chagrined, loving manner. And then presents her mouth for f***ing. She likes what he likes, so evidently he's a vinyl hipster who loves fetish Manga. If he likes girls gone wild, she's a mall babe who talks for football and endures buffalo wings at Hooters. When I met Nick Dunne I knew he wanted "Cool girl". And for him, I'll admit: I was willing to try. I wax-strippe my p*ssy raw. I drank canned beer watching Adam Sandler movies. I ate cold pizza and remained a size two. I blew him, semi-regularly. I lived in the moment. I was f***ing game. I can't say I didn't enjoy some of it. Nick teased out in me things I didn't know existed. A lightness, a humor, an ease. But I made him smarter. Sharper. I inspired him to rise to my level. I forged the man of my dreams. We were happy pretending to be other people. We were the happiest couple we knew. And what's the point of being together if you're not the happiest? But Nick got lazy. He became someone I did not agree to marry. He actually expected me to love him unconditionally. Then he dragged me, penniless, to the navel of this great country and found himself a newer, younger, bouncier cool girl. You think I'd let him destroy me and end up happier than ever? No f***ing way. He doesn't get to win. My cute, charming, salt-of-the-earth Missouri guy. He needed to learn. Grown-ups work for things. Grown-ups pay. Grown-ups suffer consequences.

Margo Dunne:
Boo hoo, I got laid off. Guess I'll f*** a teenager.

i am so much happier now that I'm dead