Grace Under Fire

[Sitting at Grace's kitchen table, discussing Jimmy's first month living in the garage]

Grace Kelly:
He's two days late with the rent.

Jean Kelly:
What?

Grace Kelly:
I told him '$550, in cash, on the 1st of every month, under the ta... ble' [hesitating - reaches underneath table].

Jean Kelly:
It's times like these that make it hard to defend him.

Grace Kelly:
Next month I'm gonna tell him 'On the house', to see if he puts the money on the roof.

[Grace and Jimmy are talking about their past relationship]

Jimmy Kelly:
Grace, I am truly sorry for what I did to you. Hell, if I was the man I was today, I beat the Hell out of the guy I was then.

Grace Kelly:
You would?

Jimmy Kelly:
Yep. You know, I wonder how that fight would turn out? I got more meat on me now, but I was one quick son of a gun back then.

[Grace has walked in and discovered that ex-husband Jimmy is talking to black neighbor, Thad]

Grace Kelly:
Jimmy! What did you say?

Thad Alford:
Well, I can honestly say I've met your whole Klan.

[Grace has taken Jean to see a doctor, who happens to be a black man]

Jean Kelly:
He's Afro-American.

Grace Kelly:
Jean, African-American. "Afro-American" is like spaghetti-o's or something.

Wade Swoboda:
I love you like a Sister.

Grace Kelly:
Oh, Wade. I'm Southern. Please don't tell me you love me like a sister!

Grace Kelly:
Ex-husbands are like Crosby, Stills & Nash. They keep coming back - older and fatter.

Grace Kelly:
We don't worship Satan on Halloween. We do that on Mother's Day.

[Russell is complaining as Grace has bought "Alternative Medicine"]

Russell Norton:
Grace, all this phoney-baloney stuff is killing me.

Grace Kelly:
Russell, you shouldn't be so homeo-phobic

Grace Kelly:
You know Nadine, my Momma always told me.. men are like linoleum floors, lay them just right and you can walk all over them for the next thirty years.

Grace Kelly:
You know Nadine, my Momma always told me... men are like linoleum floors, lay them just right and you can walk all over them for the next thirty years.

Elizabeth Louise "Libby" Kelly:
Don't be mad at mommy, she was only kidding about killing us.