Greedy

Robin:
You could have killed someone!

Daniel McTeague:
The way I bowl?

Frank:
I didn't like the Beatles and I don't like you!

Glen:
We were all decent people before Uncle Joe sunk his hooks into us. Except for Frank. He was always a son of a b*tch.

Laura:
Daniel McTeague?

Daniel McTeague:
No sh*t! That's my name too.

Laura:
No, I'm a private investigator.

Daniel McTeague:
Really? Can you help me find my pants?

Hotel Clerk:
Most of these rooms have old men with young girls, this is Washington.

Frank:
Okay, Joe. Bare knuckles, toe to toe. We've spent 20 years eating your sh*t and saying, "Mmm, delicious! What a cook!" - no more!

Daniel McTeague:
You say one more word and I'll kick your ass so high that you'll have to take off your shirt to sh*t!

Frank:
What's the matter with you? Are you retarded?

Dennis:
Not according to the tests.

Uncle Joe:
So you're interested in money, huh?

Joe:
Made ten bucks just coming here. I get another twenty if i kiss you. I'm thinking about it.

Bartlett:
I'm sure this may come as a shock.

Frank:
No, shitting a sailboat is a shock, this is a f***ing catastrophe!

Uncle Joe:
I'm richer than sh*t.

Uncle Joe:
You can go dance the hully gully for all I care!

Daniel McTeague:
You keep your breasts off his eyebrows.

Frank:
Her tongue is practically in his wallet.

Molly Richardson:
On Friday nights I always go to the store to get the TV guide for Joe. He likes to get it as soon as possible so he can circle what he wants to watch.

Frank:
Does he circle your ass?

Frank:
Oh my god, I feel so horrible, I could cut out my tongue

Glen:
Here's a knife

Glen:
She's going to get everything. That's the way these old guys are. Tough as nails, biggest son of a b*tch in the world, she touches his shriveled-up little noodle, and his brains turn to frozen yogurt. She'll marry him, screw him six feet into the ground and then get everything!

Nora McTeague:
Stop it! Don't you see what's happening here?

Tina:
Yeah, you're out of scotch.

Frank:
Oh, Tina, go lie down.

Robin:
He seem nervous to you?

Wayne:
Couldn't pull a pin out of his ass with a tractor.

Daniel McTeague:
Oh, great. Now I'm impotent.

Robin:
We just kissed for two seconds!

Daniel McTeague:
It never takes me this long, usually we're showering by now!

Uncle Joe:
Where are my presents? I like presents, especially from people who love me.

Joe:
And who would that be?

Molly Richardson:
Monday nights I go to this newsstand to get the new TV Guide for Joe. He likes to get it as early as possible so he can circle everything he wants to watch.

Frank:
Does he circle your ass?

Molly Richardson:
You think I'm bonking the old gent, don't you?

Frank:
Yeah, we do.

Molly Richardson:
Let me tell you something, handsome. If I were having sex with your Uncle Joe, he'd be dead by now.

Molly Richardson:
I'm no more a nurse than you are a human being.

Frank:
Look at this. Her tongue is practically in his wallet.

Robin:
Danny, I love you and I believe in you. But isn't everything you're telling me a big crock of bubbling sh*t?

Daniel McTeague:
I had no idea just how sick you guys were.

Frank:
Come spend a day with us.

Daniel McTeague:
I'd rather shove this club up my ass.

Glen:
I'll do it for you.

Frank:
I'm insane? For five years I begged you, "Let's put him in a home!" No, you didn't want to because you didn't have the balls! None of you have any balls!