Grindhouse

Planet Terror:
Doctor Block: Self preservation comes to mind.

Planet Terror:
Doctor Block: I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.

Planet Terror:
Quentin Tarantino/Rapist: I ain't never seen a one-legged stripper. I've seen a stripper with one breast. I've seen one with twelve toes. But I ain't never seen one with one leg...and I've been to Morocco.

Death Proof:
Well, ain't you so sweet that you make sugar taste just like salt!

Death Proof:
Get ready to fly, b*tch!

Death Proof:
[after Arlene turns him down for a lapdance] Well, that's alright. You're still a nice girl, and I still like you. But you know how people say (John Wayne drawl) "you're okay in my book" or "in my book that's no good"? Well, I actually have a book. And everybody I ever met goes in this book, and now I've met you, and you're going in the book too. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to file you under chicken...sh*t.

Death Proof:
The woods are lovely, dark and deep, and I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep. Do you hear me, Butterfly? Miles to go before you sleep.

Faux Trailers:
And Nicolas Cage...as...Fu Manchu!

Faux Trailers:
If you're gonna hire Machete to kill the bad guy, you better make damn sure the bad guy isn't YOU!

Faux Trailers:
He knows the score. He gets the women. And he kills the bad guys.

Faux Trailers:
They just f***ed with the wrong Mexican.

Faux Trailers:
If you... were thinking... of going... into... this house... DON'T!

Faux Trailers:
If you... were thinking... of opening... that door... DON'T!

Faux Trailers:
If you... were thinking... of checking out... the basement... DON'T!

Faux Trailers:
HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN! He's pissed! And he wants answers!

Faux Trailers:
He's cashing in his nickels and dimes for a new way of life.

Faux Trailers:
This Thanksgiving... prepare... to have the stuffing scared out of you.

Faux Trailers:
White meat. Dark meat. All will be carved.

Faux Trailers:
This Thanksgiving... you'll be coming home for the holidays... in a body bag.

I'll eat your brains and gain your knowledge...

J.T.:
Hey, hey. You want some barbeque? Best in Texas.

Cherry:
Oh, no thanks.

J.T.:
What's the matter? You don't eat meat?

Cherry:
Oh, I eat meat. I also eat lots of sh*t.

Cherry:
[grins] See that?

J.T.:
What's that?

Cherry:
Sh*t-eating grin.

J.T.:
[laughs] You ought to be a comedian.

J.T.:
[after being uncocious on the floor tastes the BBQ sauce in his shirt] I finally found my award-winning barbecue sauce!

Sheriff Hague:
Your blood's on it.

J.T.:
[after tasting the blood on his head] God damn it, he's right.

Quentin Tarantino/Rapist:
You know what this is?

Cherry:
A gun?

Quentin Tarantino/Rapist:
It's simplicity itself. You see you point it at what you want to die, then you pull the little trigger here, and a little bullet comes out here and the bullet hits you right there. [pokes her forehead] And you know what? You don't look like Ava Gardner no more.

Stuntman Mike:
Do I frighten you? [Arlene nods] Is it my scar?

Arlene:
It's your car.

Pam:
So what's your name, Icy?

Stuntman Mike:
Stuntman Mike.

Pam:
Stuntman Mike's your name?

Stuntman Mike:
You ask anybody.

Pam:
Hey, Warren. Who is this guy?

Warren:
Stuntman Mike.

Pam:
And who the hell is Stuntman Mike?

Warren:
He's a stuntman.

Pam:
How did you get into the stuntman industry?

Stuntman Mike:
I'd assume the way everyone else gets into it.

Pam:
How is that?

Stuntman Mike:
My brother got me into it.

Pam:
And who's your brother?

Stuntman Mike:
Stuntman Bob.

Pam:
[to Julia and Abernathy] Listen, double fucks, he's just giving me a ride. I'm not gonna f*** him!

Stuntman Mike:
I can hear you.

Pam:
[walks further away from him; lowers her voice] He's old enough to be my dad!

Stuntman Mike:
I can still hear you!

Stuntman Mike:
Alright Pam, which way are you heading?

Pam:
Right.

Stuntman Mike:
That's too bad...

Pam:
Why?

Stuntman Mike:
Well there was a fifty-fifty chance on which direction you'd take. You see we're both going left, you could've just as easily been going the same and if that happened it might have been awhile before you started to get scared. But seein' as you're going right, I'm afraid you're gonna have to get scared...immediately.

[Stuntman Mike was thrashing Pam around in the car while driving dangerously]

Pam:
Hey, I, I get it. It's just a joke. I know all about jokes but if you can just let me out now, I promise I won't tell anybody because I know it's a joke. Please just-

Stuntman Mike:
Hey Pam, remember how I said this car is death proof? Well that wasn't a lie, this car is a hundred percent death proof. But in order to get the full benefit of it honey, you really need to be sitting in my seat. [slams on the brakes and sends Pam face first into the dashboard, killing her]

Lee:
You carry a gun?

Kim:
Uh-Huh.

Lee:
Do you have a license to carry it?

Kim:
Yeah, when I became a secret service agent, they gave me a license.

Lee:
Oh, I didn't know you were. Ok. I didn't say it. Stop looking at me. I didn't say it. God! Did you know Kim carried a gun?

Abernathy:
Yes. Yeah. Do I approve? No. Do I know? Yes.

Kim:
I don't know what futuristic utopia you live in, but in the world I live in, a b*tch needs a gun.

Abernathy:
You can't get around the fact that people who carry guns, tend to get shot more than people who don't.

Kim:
And you can't get around the fact that if I go down to the laundry room in my building at midnight enough times, I might get my ass raped!

Lee:
Don't do your laundry at midnight.

Kim:
F*** that! I wanna do my laundry whenever the f*** I want to do my laundry.

Abernathy:
There are other things you can carry other then a gun. Pepper spray.

Kim:
Uh, muthafucka tryin to rape me, I don't want to give him a skin rash. I wanna shut that nigga down!

Abernathy:
How about a knife at least.

Kim:
Yeah, you know what happens to muthafuckas who carry knives. They get shot! Look, if I ever become a famous actress, I won't carry a gun. I'll hire me a dude dirt nigga and he'll carry the gun, and when sh*t goes down, I'll sit back and laugh, but until that day, it's wild west muthafucka!

Kim:
Oh you know I can't let you go...

[Abernathy and Zoe see that they're heading straight for a drop-off]

Abernathy:
Kim?

Kim:
Not without tappin' that ass...

Zoe:
Umm Kim?

Kim:
One... More... Time!

Jungle Julia:
[to Butterfly] What about kinda cute, kinda hot, kind of sexy, hysterically funny but not funny looking guy who you could f*** did you not understand?

Shanna:
Where the hell is Lana Frank?!

Julia:
That's a good f***ing question!

Stuntman Mike:
Hey! Ladies! That was fun. [laughs] Well... Adios!

Werewolf Women of the Ss:
And Nicolas Cage...as...Fu Manchu!

Werewolf Women of the Ss:
Fu Manchu: THIS... is my Mecca! [bursts into sinister laughter]

Don'T:
If you are thinking of seeing this film alone, DON'T! [in a monotonous voice] Don't.