Groundhog Day

Ned:
Phil? Phil Connors? Phil Connors, I thought that was you. Now don't you tell me you don't remember me 'cause I sure as heckfire remember you.

Phil:
Not a chance.

Ned:
Ned... Ryerson. "Needlenose Ned"? "Ned the Head"? C'mon, buddy. Case Western High. I did the whistling belly-button trick at the high school talent show? Bing. Ned Ryerson, got the shingles real bad senior year, almost didn't graduate? Bing, again. Ned Ryerson, I dated your sister Mary Pat a couple of times until you told me not to anymore? Well?

Phil:
Ned Ryerson?

Ned:
BING.

Phil:
Bing.

Ned:
Phil?

Phil:
Ned.

Phil:
You wanna throw up here, or you wanna throw up in the car?

Ralph:
I think... both.

Larry:
Did he actually refer to himself as "the talent"?

Phil:
I'm a god. I'm not *the* God... I don't think.

Larry:
People think that all cameramen do is point the camera at things, but it's a *heck* of a lot more complicated than that.

Phil:
Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.

Man in Hallway:
Think it'll be an early spring?

Phil:
Winter, slumbering in the open air, wears on its smiling face a dream... of spring. Ciao.

Man in Hallway:
Ciao.

Phil Connors:
Excuse me, where is everyone going?

Fan on Street:
To Gobbler's Knob. It's Groundhog Day.

Phil Connors:
It's still just once a year, right?

Phil:
I'm betting he's going to swerve first.

Phil:
I am asking you for help.

Rita:
Well, what do you want me to do?

Phil:
I don't know. You're a producer. Think of something.

Phil:
There is a major network interested in me.

Larry:
That would be the Home Shopping Network.

Rita:
Are you drunk or something?

Phil:
Drunk is more fun.

Ned:
Do you have life insurance, Phil? Because if you do, you could always use a little more, I mean, who couldn't? But let me tell something - I got's a feeling

Ned:
you ain't got any. Am I right or am I right or am I right?

Phil:
I was in the Virgin Islands once. I met a girl. We ate lobster and drank pina coladas. At sunset we made love like sea otters. *That* was a pretty good day. Why couldn't I get that day over and over and over...

Ned:
What are you doing later?

Phil:
Something else.

Rita:
I like to see a man of advancing years throwing caution to the wind. It's inspiring in a way.

Phil:
My years are not advancing as fast as you might think.

Phil:
You want a prediction about the weather, you're asking the wrong Phil. I'll give you a winter prediction: It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.

Phil:
Do you know what today is?

Rita:
No, what?

Phil:
Today is tomorrow. It happened.

Rita:
Would you like to come to dinner with Larry and me?

Phil:
No thank you. I've seen Larry eat.

Mrs. Lancaster:
Did you sleep well, Mr. Connors?

Phil:
I slept alone, Mrs. Lancaster.

Phil:
So, did you sleep OK without me? You tossed and turned, didn't you?

Rita:
You're incredible.

Phil:
Who told you?

Phil:
Do you ever have deja vu Mrs. Lancaster?

Mrs. Lancaster:
I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen.

Rita:
Why would anybody want to steal a groundhog?

Larry:
I can think of a couple of reasons... the pervert.

Phil:
Can I have another one of these with some booze in it?

Phil:
Can I be serious with you with you for a minute?

Rita:
I don't know. Can you?

Phil:
Well, it's Groundhog Day... again... and that must mean we're up here at Gobbler's Knob waiting for the forecast from the world's most-famous groundhog weatherman, Punxsutawney Phil, who's just about to tell us how much more winter we can expect.

Phil:
Can I talk to you about a matter that is not work-related?

Rita:
You never talk about work.

Phil:
What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?

Ralph:
That about sums it up for me.

Gus:
Hey Phil, if we wanted to hit mailboxes we could let Ralph drive.

Phil:
It's the same things your whole life. "Clean up your room.", "Stand up straight.", "Pick up your feet.", "Take it like a man.", "Be nice to your sister.", "Don't mix beer and wine, ever.". Oh yeah, "Don't drive on the railroad track."

Gus:
Eh, Phil. That's one I happen to agree with.

Phil:
There is no way this winter is *ever* going to end as long as that groundhog keeps seeing his shadow. I don't see any way out of it. He's got to be stopped. And I have to stop him.

Piano Teacher:
Not bad... Mr. Connors, you say this is your first lesson?

Phil:
Yes, but my father was a piano *mover*, so...

Rita:
Have you ever had déjà-vu?

Phil:
Didn't you just ask me that?

Phil:
I've been stabbed, shocked, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted, and burned.

Rita:
Oh, really?

Phil:
Every day I wake up without a scratch on me, not a dent in the fender... I am an immortal.

Rita:
What did you do today?

Phil:
Oh, same-old same-old.

Phil:
I'm sorry to hear that, Felix.

Phil:
Come on, all the long distance lines are down? What about satellite? Is it snowing in space? Don't you keep open a line for emergencies or for celebrities? I'm both. I'm a celebrity in an emergency.

Phil:
When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Punxsutawney and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn't imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.

Phil:
Ned, I would love to stay here and talk with you... but I'm not going to.

Phil:
Don't mess with me, Porkchop.

Phil Connors:
This is pitiful. A thousand people freezing their butts off waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Well, it used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out, and they used to *eat* it. You're hypocrites, all of you! You have a problem with what I'm saying, Larry?

Phil Connors:
Untie your tongue, and you come out here and talk, huh? Am I upsetting you, Princess?

Phil:
Morons. Your bus is leaving.

Doris:
Do you want more coffee, hon?

Phil:
Not today.

Phil:
This is Nancy Taylor, she makes sounds like a chipmunk when she gets really excited.

Phil:
This is one time where television really fails to capture the true excitement of a large squirrel predicting the weather.

Phil:
Let me ask you guys a question: what if there were no tomorrows?

Gus:
No tomorrow? That would mean there would be no consequences, there would be no hangovers. We could do whatever we wanted!

Phil:
That's true. We could do...whatever we wanted.

Phil:
I think you're the kindest, sweetest, prettiest person I've ever met in my life. I've never seen anyone that's nicer to people than you are. The first time I saw you... something happened to me. I never told you but... I knew that I wanted to hold you as hard as I could. I don't deserve someone like you. But if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life.

DJ #1:
Okay, campers, rise and shine and don't forget your booties 'cause it's cold out there today!

DJ #2:
It's cold out there every day! What is this, Miami Beach?

D.J. #1:
Not hardly. And you know, you can expect hazardous travel later today with that, you know, that, uh, that blizzard thing.

D.J. #2:
That blizzard - thing. That blizzard - thing. Oh, well, here's the report! The National Weather Service is calling for a "big blizzard thing!"

D.J. #1:
Yessss, they are. But you know, there's another reason why today is especially exciting.

D.J. #2:
Especially cold!

D.J. #1:
Especially cold, okay, but the big question on everybody's lips...

D.J. #2:
On their chapped lips...

D.J. #1:
On their chapped lips, right: Do ya think Phil is gonna come out and see his shadow?

D.J. #2:
Punxsutawney Phil!

D.J. #1:
That's right, woodchuck-chuckers - it's...

D.J. #1, D.J. #2:
[in unison] GROUNDHOG DAY!

Phil:
It’s the same thing your whole life. “Clean up your room! Stand up straight! Pick up your feet! Take it like a man! Be nice to your sister! Don’t mix beer and wine, ever! Oh yeah, don’t drive on the railway tracks!”

Gus:
[sobering up] Well, Phil, that’s one I happen to agree with.

Phil:
[driving into the rail tracks] I don’t know, Gus… Sometimes, you just have to take the big chances.

[A train approaches]

Phil:
I'm betting he’s going to swerve first…

Rita:
I'm sorry? What was that again?

Phil:
I'm a god.

Rita:
You're God.

Phil:
I'm a god — I'm not the God, I don't think.

Rita:
Because you survived a car wreck?

Phil:
I didn't just survive a wreck; I wasn't just blown up yesterday. I have been stabbed, shot, poisoned, frozen, hung, electrocuted and burned.

Rita:
Oh, really?

Phil:
[nods] Every morning I wake up without a scratch on me, not a dent in the fender: I am an immortal.

Doris:
Special today is blueberry waffles—

Rita:
Why are you telling me this?

Phil:
Because I want you to believe in me.

Rita:
You're not a god. You can take my word for it; this is 12 years of Catholic school talkin'.

Phil:
How do you know I'm not a god? How do you know?

Rita:
Because it's not possible!

Rita:
There is something so familiar about this. Do you ever have déjà vu?

Phil:
Didn't you just ask me that?

Rita:
What about me, Phil? Do you know me too?

Phil:
I know all about you. You like producing, but you hope for more than Channel 9 Pittsburgh.

Rita:
Well, everyone knows that!

Phil:
You like boats, but not the ocean. You go to a lake in summer with your family up in the mountains. There's a long wooden dock and a boathouse with boards missing from the roof, and a place you used to crawl underneath to be alone. You're a sucker for French poetry and rhinestones. You're very generous. You're kind to strangers and children, and when you stand in the snow you look like an angel.

Rita:
How are you doing this?

Phil:
I told you. I wake up every day, right here, right in Punxsutawney, and it's always February 2nd, and there's nothing I can do about it.

[Phil is carving a snow sculpture while Rita sits posing and freezing.]

Rita:
Why can't I see it?

Phil:
I just want to give you your money's worth. You paid top dollar for me.

Rita:
Well... I think you were a bargain.

Phil:
It's sweet of you to say. You're probably right.

Rita:
I’m amazed. And I’m not easily amazed.

Phil:
About what?

Rita:
About how you can start a day with one kind of expectation and end up so completely different.

Phil:
Well, do you like how the day is turning out?

Rita:
Very much. You couldn’t plan a day like this.

Phil:
Well, you can. It just takes an awful lot of work.

Phil:
Something is... different.

Rita:
Good or bad?

Phil:
Anything different is good. But this could be real good. [kisses Rita] Why are you here?

Rita:
I bought you. I own you.

Phil:
But why are you still here?

Rita:
You said, "Stay," so I stayed.

Phil:
I said, "Stay," so you stayed? I can't even make a collie stay.

Phil:
Do you know what today is?

Rita:
No, what?

Phil:
Today is tomorrow. It happened. You're here.

Rita:
I'm here.

[Phil kisses Rita over and over, realizing that he has finally passed Groundhog Day]

Rita:
[smiling] Oh Phil, why weren't you like this last night? You just fell asleep.

Phil:
It was the end of a very long day.

Rita Hanson:
Sometimes I wish I had a thousand lifetimes. I don't know, Phil. Maybe it's not a curse. Just depends on how you look at it.

Phil Connors:
Yeah, sport, I know there's a blizzard. When are the long-distance lines gonna be repaired? Well, what if there is no tomorrow?! There wasn’t one today! Hello? [dial tone] Hello?! [hangs up the phone. He breaks a pencil and places one half in front of the clock and the other on top]