Guns Don't Kill People

Joey:
There was this guy, and he said it would take one million dollars to lick a vagina. [pause] I told him I'd do it for a penny.

Gilbert:
You think I like doing this? [tugs at ski mask] This thing is itchy and hot!

Gilbert:
Well, they tied me up and told me to keep my face in the booties. All these pictures of... booties.

Boss Dameon:
So you want to be white, huh, Wet Boy Steve? Wet Back Steve. Sloppy Joe Steve. It doesn't matter. I want to be white, too. But we can't all get what we want. [pause] But I want to whip your ass.

Moneyman:
It's not racist. Look, if the guy dressed as a bratwurst has to wear lederhosen, then the guy dressed as a chorizo obviously has to wear a sombrero. It's... simple logic.

Lance:
I'm a hit man. I kill people. I just do it. [pause] I'm being serious right now. [removes dress]

Gilbert:
I understand this guy's wife is very jealous.

Norm:
Jealous... Jealousy... So should we go have sex with her or what?

Gilbert:
No, we should not 'go have sex with her or what.' I figured we'd hit him over the head with something like a hammer. You know? Blunt force trauma.

Norm:
Eh, that's a Junior Varsity move.

Norm:
Don't touch me when I'm erect Gilbert, we talked about this!

Norm:
I know it sounds crazy, but it's true, Gilbert. Women pee out of their clitorises.

Gilbert:
No, they do not pee out of their clitorises. Jesus, Norm, we have to focus!

Norm:
No, they do, Gilbert. They do. They've got this little hole. I've seen a lot of films that would indicate exactly what I'm talking about.

Gilbert:
Do you like money?

Dirty Dan:
No...

Gilbert:
Do you... not like money?

Norm:
But we do have a deal, right? Because I could murder you right here and now... In front of this prostitute. Get your blood all over her face and her... sexy... breasts. And... everywhere! Probably.

Gilbert:
I have been out working. Doing things that would embarrass my family, let alone me... To pay off two hundred thousand dollars! And I come here and you're writing [reads document]... Xena Fan Fiction.

Norm:
They're a beautiful couple, Gilbert. But you wouldn't understand.

Gilbert:
I'm sorry he said he'd kick you in the dick.

Lance:
It's okay. I get that a lot. Look at me.

Dottie:
Heather? You're a whore. And a tramp. And you're terrible at killing.

Norm:
What? You always want to be nothing? This is our last chance, Gilbert. If we blow this, what else is there? Do you like being poor? Do you like asking your mother for money?

Gilbert:
[walking away] Oh, yeah, 'Mom! Mom, can I have a dollar?' Yeah, Norm, that's exactly what I want. That's exactly what I want!

Moneyman:
You want the truth?

Norm:
Yes, dammit!

Moneyman:
You can't handle the truth! [pause] Jack Nicholson? Witches of Eastwick?

Norm:
I know what it's from.