GWAR: Phallus in Wonderland

The Mother:
Over my dead body will you go hang out with some... dirty... filthy... stinky rock and roll band!

Patches:
[Walking in with his Skateboard] Guess who's in Town.

The Bum:
Who?

Patches:
[Softly] GWAR.

The Bum:
[exited] No way!

Patches:
YES way, recording at the ole Studio. I'm gonna go there, you wanna go?

The Bum:
Sure!

The Mother:
[Alarmed] Over my dead body will you go hang out with some dirty... filthy... stinkin Rock and roll Band!

The Bum:
[pause] F**K you Mom!

Patches:
Here, hit her with the skate board.

[Hands him the Skateboard, the Scene cuts straight to his Mom screaming as Her Son repeatedly rams her to the Floor until She moans in pain]

Patches:
[Sits back Down] I think you better kill her.

[pauses]

Patches:
She'll tell your Dad.

The Bum:
[worried] I better kill her, she'll tell my Dad?

Patches:
Here, use this!

[hands him the Iron]

The Bum:
Cooooooool!

The Mother:
[getting her face ironed, screaming] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Sleazy P. Martini:
[after Sleazy's Limo accidentally knocks Him to the ground] Get up You little f***, here, I got something for ya... [Hands Him a crack pipe] Ever smoke any of this? It's o.k., GWAR smokes it all the time!

Skateboarder, Sleazy P. Martini:
Geez Sleazy, d-do You really own GWAR?

Sleazy P. Martini:
Yeah, I own GWAR, I'm der f***in' Manager!

Skateboarder:
[pause] I'd really like to meet them... [a giant fish hook chunks into the back of his head and sticks out of his mouth, and starts carrying Him off the ground]

Sleazy P. Martini:
So, how do You like that, huh? So You wanna meet GWAR... well yous gonna get your wish! [the Skateboarder screams in pain as the Hook carries Him all the way to GWAR's hideout]

Father Bohab:
[on T.V]... and if your child is exposed to the evils of Rock and Roll, it aint too late to enroll them in Edna Granbo's Juvenile Rehabilitation Summer Bible Concentration Camp.

The Mother:
Oooooh, you could roll in one of those, son.

The Bum:
[dry, sarcastic] Sure Mom.

Father Bohab:
...and with a Parole Study Session, and a minimal of Cosmetic Surgery, your boy... your YOUNG boy will be able to try out for Father Bohabs Singing Swallow Boys Choir, and if you think it all might possibly benefit from this program, then bring him to my Private Studio for a Personal... Audition.

[the Two Altar Boys in the Background hop at least once in an arousing Manner]

Slave with Long Hair.:
[the Flying Ship is running low on Power] We are running out of... CRAAAAAAACK!

Corporal Punishment:
Now remember kids, if an Arab is not working for you, he is working AGAINST you.

Father Bohab:
Hey, close that curtain, can't a man have a little privacy? We're praying in here!

Dick Cox (The News Reporter):
[after the Morality Squad is eliminated] The City is under attack by GWAR. Do not panic, stay in your homes... huh, what? Oh, this just in: A four... hundred... foot... Tyrannosaurus Rex, has crushed the Trailer Park and is headed for City Center? Oh C'MON, GAME OVER MAN!

[Takes out a hidden gun]

Dick Cox (The News Reporter):
I'm checkin' outta here... no... don't stop me... this thing is loaded... I'm sorry Marge.

[Shoots himself]

Cameo appearance:
[getting ready to shoot a video for the Cereal, which happens to be no more than crack, and cocaine] You know, Children, this happens to be... one of the best things we have ever put into our mouths, better than... perhaps... sucking off the Family Doggy.

Balsac the Jaws of Death:
So, our cursed offspring Gor Gor doth dane to spoil our moment of triumph and glory?

Oderus Urungus:
Let us summon him! My sword Unt Lick will make his dominion over the Earth both short and painful!

[maniacal laughing]

Sleazy P. Martini:
Whoa, Hey Guys, is this really necessary, I mean, can't we just... leave the deli tray out and split outta here?

Oderus Urungus:
Too late! Fate has chosen this time and place to challenge out our Mastery of Earth

[farts]

Oderus Urungus:
eh... And we accept this Challenge, willingly! Eh uhhh.

Sleazy P. Martini:
I thought you guys would say that.

Slymenstra Hymen:
Offspring Sh*t, you couldn't get a hard-on even if you had a cock. You males know nothing of rigors of child birth.