Halloween Is Grinch Night

Grinch:
It's a wonderful night for eyebrows. It's a wonderful night for teeth! It's a wonderful night for Grinch Night! Their troubles will now commence, oh I wouldn't stay home on a night like this for sixty dollars and sixty cents!

Grinch:
Gall-don brickle bush, Ehh! I've got brickles in the britches!

Max:
How many times have I said and said? How many times have I said in my head, "What am I doing here?" Why am I the slave of this grinchy old grock? And I say how I wish I could turn back the clock, and have the fine future I had once before, and again be an innocent puppy once more.

Grinch:
[tauntingly] In your puppy-house beddy with Sweet Aunt Woofy Wafoone, feeding you hominy grits with a big silver spoon?

Max:
What am I doing here? Doesn't matter much how but my dear old Auntie Woofie, wouldn't I fear, very much care for me now.

Ukaraiah:
You know something, sir? You look much better with my glasses off.

Grinch:
You put your glasses back on and face the facts!

Grinch:
Who are you?

Ukaraiah:
*Ukariah* Who, sir.

Grinch:
You're a rather small Who, aren't you?

Ukaraiah:
Well, I do the best I can. Sir, are you really the Grinch?

Grinch:
Am I the Grinch?

Ukaraiah:
Sorry, sir, I have a slight astigmatism. An optical condition in which parallel rays of light from an external source converge or diverge unequally in different meridians.

Grinch:
Look, kid, I just gave you the $2.00 treatment. You're not worth a first-class Grinching.

Ukaraiah:
Do your worst. Bring on your spooks. Shoot the works. I will not flinch!

Grinch:
Oh?

Grinch:
Max? Max! Go bring the paraphernalia wagon!

Narrator:
It was a glorious sunset, until, Old Josiah happened to sniff, and he whispered to his wife...

Josiah:
Mariah, will you also take a wiff?

Narrator:
And Josiah and Mariah doubled sniffed, and they said...

Josiah, Mariah:
I wonder if...

Narrator:
But they really didn't wonder, they knew it was terribly true, they knew that the sour-sweet wind was coming back, and what the sour-sweet wind would do.

Grinch:
[to Ukaraiah] Out of my way, small Who, I've got better things to do than to spend my time with you on Grinch Night.

Grinch:
[voice only, joining in a round sung by a chorus of spooks circling Ukaraiah] Ukaraiah, Ukaraiah, this is it! HA! This is it! HA! Grinch is gonna getcha, Grinch is gonna getcha, Grinch indeedy, fa-la-la! YA!