Happy Endings

Alex Kerkovich:
I heard it in a book I heard.

Alex Kerkovich:
Fat people and tiny instruments - you think they're gonna eat 'em, but then they play 'em.

Max Blum:
He's a hipster, Penny. All those things you like, he likes them ironically.

Alex Kerkovich:
Recycle? What is this, Portland?

Jane Williams:
Um I'm gonna need vodka in a water glass with ice and I'm gonna be ordering water from you all night long so... one... water, please.

Waitress:
Did we start already or do you really want water?

Jane Williams:
Just bring me vodka.

Penny Hartz:
Thanks for coming everybody. It feels like only yesterday that I was born during the 1984 Olympics, a young Jewess, 26 years ago.

Brad Williams:
Wow.

Penny Hartz:
Rollerblades?

Max Blum:
Even I think rollerblades are gay. And I had sex with a dude last night.

Max Blum:
No, we're not even... and when it comes, my revenge will be served like the tennis serve of a seventh grade girl: slow, out of bounds and I will pull balls out of my skirt.

Alex Kerkovich:
I'm not as dumb as I am.

Max Blum:
Half black's God's Photoshop. Worst-case scenario you're looking at the chick from Avatar.

Jane Kerkovich-Williams:
She's blue.

Brad Williams:
So when gay guys hook up do they call each other dude? Like dude your lips are so soft or your mustache is tickling my navel dog!

Max Blum:
You're an idiot, but ya we do that.

Brad Williams:
I like beer, man. And rattlesnakes.

Alex Kerkovich:
Yeah, we did because we're fine, like I told you a bijzilion times.

Jane Kerkovich-Williams:
You do know that that's not a real number right cuz you use it a lot.

Brad Williams:
Neither is bajzina. Not a real word.

Dave Rose:
Guys, Barefoot Pedalers is playing at the Wheel House.

Max Blum:
Wow, a 90s hippie jam band. You know what I'd rather listen to? Myself being shot in the face.

Jane Kerkovich-Williams:
Oh come on, Max. We've had some awesome nights with the Pedalers. We had some of our first dates at a Pedaler show.

Brad Williams:
We did.

Jane Kerkovich-Williams:
He was the only black guy there.

Brad Williams:
I was like Rosa Parks. Except for something that didn't matter at all.