Happy New Year, Charlie Brown

Linus van Pelt:
How are you doing with "War and Peace", Charlie Brown?

Charlie Brown:
I've just finished reading the dust jacket.

Linus van Pelt:
Many is the book report that has been written by just reading the dust jacket.

Sally Brown:
I wonder when my sweet babboo is going to ask me to the party?

Linus van Pelt:
I'm not your sweet babboo, and I wouldn't invite you to a *ga-rage* sale!

Sally Brown:
Isn't he the cutest thing?

Lucy van Pelt:
[as Schroeder plays his piano] Well, are you taking me to the party or not? [Schroeder stops playing]

Schroeder:
Musicians don't dance. And anyway, I'll be playing the piano at the party. [continues playing]

Lucy van Pelt:
I don't mind the rejection; it's the smile that bugs me.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Have you made any New Year's resolutions, Chuck?

Charlie Brown:
Yes. You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I'm only going to dread one day at a time.

Charlie Brown:
[just before closing "War and Peace"] Well, here I am reading "War and Peace", and everybody else is at dance class having fun. Maybe I should go over to the class and just look in, and see what they're all doing.

Charlie Brown:
[in bed, the night before New Year's Eve] Tomorrow night's party. The Little Red-Haired Girl never answered my letter. [closes his eyes briefly, then opens them again] What a way to start a new year. Tomorrow night, millions of people will be going to parties and dressing up. [Snoopy and Woodstock appear at the window, dressed in top hats and tuxes; they tip their hats to him, then leave] Some are even ready a day ahead of time.

[last lines]

Linus van Pelt:
Did you turn in your report?

Charlie Brown:
[aghast] Yes.

Linus van Pelt:
What did the teacher say about it? What grade did you get?

Charlie Brown:
A D minus - the lowest grade without failing.

Linus van Pelt:
Gee, I'm sorry, Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown:
The teacher said it looked like the sort of report that was written after midnight on the last day of Christmas vacation.

Linus van Pelt:
What did you say?

Charlie Brown:
What *could* I say? I congratulated her on her remarkable insight.

Linus van Pelt:
Did you see what our next assignment is?

Charlie Brown:
[lightens up] No! What is it?

Linus van Pelt:
To read "Crime and Punishment" by Dostoevsky.

[Charlie Brown faints off his desk]

Linus van Pelt:
Happy New Year, Charlie Brown.

Sally Brown:
[on the phone with Linus] If you don't ask me to the party, I'll just go with someone else.

Linus van Pelt:
Good. Go with someone else.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
It's been a great year, Chuck. You'll have to admit that. What you do think, Chuck, would be good rules for living in the new year?

Charlie Brown:
Keep the ball low, don't leave your crayons in the sun, use dental floss every day, don't spill the shoe polish, always knock before entering, don't let the ants get in the sugar, never volunteer to be a program chairman, always get your first serve in, and feed your dog whenever he's hungry.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Will those rules give me a better life, Chuck?

Charlie Brown:
The better life, and a fat dog.

Marcie:
It's too bad Charles couldn't come to the party, sir.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
I couldn't care less, Marcie.

Marcie:
It's too bad he had to write that report.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
[trying to warn Charlie Brown about the new year coming when he's fallen asleep reading "War and Peace"] Chuck? Where are you? It's just a few seconds before midnight! Chuck, Chuck!

Linus van Pelt:
Gee, Charlie Brown, I didn't know where you went. But wow, your friend is sure a good dancer!

Charlie Brown:
You mean *she* was *here*? The Little Red-Haired Girl was here? And I missed her?

Charlie Brown:
[after his hand gets stuck inside the mail slot at the little red-haired girl's house] Hello? Hello? Heather, are you home? I've come to invite you to a New Year's party! I mean - I mean if you don't have anything else to do. Would you - would you like to come? I can either pick you up or, or meet you there, if I ever get my hand out of this mailbox. I can't stand it. I just can't stand it.

Linus van Pelt:
When Leo Tolstoy was writing "War and Peace", his wife, Sonya, copied it for him seven times. And she did it by *candlelight*, *and* with a dip pen. And sometimes, she had to use a magnifying glass to make out what he had written.

Charlie Brown:
Linus, I really...

Linus van Pelt:
Had to do it after their child had been put to bed, and the servants had gone to their garrets, and it was quiet in the house. Just think, Charlie Brown: she wrote the book seven times with a dip pen. And you're telling me you can't even read it once?

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Chuck, how could you do this to me? When midnight came along, I was the only one standing all alone!

Charlie Brown:
[stammering] I uh, I...

Sally Brown:
Big brother, my sweet babboo didn't dance with me at midnight! And do you know why?

Charlie Brown:
[continuing to stammer] Well, uh, I uh...

Sally Brown:
'Cause he danced with *your* friend, the Little Red-Haired Girl!

Charlie Brown:
[bewildered] He did what?

Charlie Brown:
[entering the New Year's Eve party with "War and Peace"] Hi. Could I come in?

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
[approaching him] I thought you had to study.

Charlie Brown:
Well, I thought I could read some of it here.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Come on, Chuck. Admit it, you sly dog. [closing the door] You wanted to start the new year with me.

Charlie Brown:
Well... I was kind of hoping the Little Red-Haired Girl would show up.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Chuck, you drive me crazy!

Marcie:
C'mon, sir, everybody is ready for musical chairs.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Okay, okay, let's get started.

Charlie Brown:
Can I play?

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Oh, I guess so, Chuck. Come on.

Linus van Pelt:
[to the Little Red-Haired Girl] Oh, hi. You're Heather, aren't you? Please come in. Charlie Brown told me he had invited you to the party. I don't know where Charlie Brown is right now, but would you like to dance?

Linus van Pelt:
Hurry up, Charlie Brown, we'll be late for school. [he and Charlie Brown get on their way, with Charlie yawning after finishing "War and Peace"] Did you finish "War and Peace", Charlie Brown?

Charlie Brown:
I finished at 3 o'clock this morning.

Linus van Pelt:
How did you like it, Charlie Brown?

Charlie Brown:
I don't remember a thing.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Hey Chuck, that was a sly move on your part. You know, to get us out here alone on New Year's Eve.

Charlie Brown:
Huh?

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Yep. We might even end up ushering in the new year together. I'll bet you'd like that, Eh, Chuck?

Charlie Brown:
Hm...

Charlie Brown:
[picking up the phone] Hello?

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Hiya, Chuck, this is Peppermint Patty. Have you thought any more about who you're inviting to the party, Chuck?

Charlie Brown:
No, I haven't thought about that. I'm reading "War and Peace".

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Aha, I knew it would be me!

Charlie Brown:
Well, as a matter of fact, I'm only on page five of my book.

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
Come on Chuck, remember: you have to invite *somebody*.

Charlie Brown:
Well, I suppose you're right. [lighting up] I wonder if that Little Red-Haired Girl would go with me?

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
What?

Charlie Brown:
Do you think she would?

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt:
So long forever, Chuck! [hangs up angrily]

Lucy van Pelt:
[pouring root beer] Come on, Charlie Brown, it's almost midnight. I'll pour you root beer.

Charlie Brown:
Thank you, Lucy. I've decided next year, I'm going to be a *changed* person.

Lucy van Pelt:
Oh, be serious, Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown:
No, I mean it. I'm going to be strong and firm.

Lucy van Pelt:
Forget it, Charlie Brown. You'll always be wishy-washy.

[Snoopy starts sniffing her root beer]

Charlie Brown:
Why can't I change just a little bit? I've *got* it! I'll be wishy one day, washy the next.

Lucy van Pelt:
[as Snoopy continues sniffing her root beer until Lucy turns to him] Charlie Brown, I have news for you: you will never... you sniffed in my root beer!

[turning to Charlie Brown]

Lucy van Pelt:
Your stupid beagle sniffed in my root beer! Look at that! I'll bet it's full of dog germs! Where are my binoculars?

[she pours the root beer into a dish, then examines it with binoculars]

Lucy van Pelt:
Aha! I thought so!

[returning to Charlie Brown and Snoopy with the dish of root beer]

Lucy van Pelt:
You see, it's filled with dog germs!

[walks away]

Charlie Brown:
That's one thing you should never do. Never sniff in someone's root beer.

Lucy van Pelt:
Boy, we were just with Marcie. There's gonna be a great New Year's party!

Sally Brown:
It's boy-ask-girl, and I just *know* my sweet baboo will ask me.

Linus van Pelt:
I am not your sweet baboo, and I wouldn't invite you to a chicken race!

Sally Brown:
Isn't he the cutest thing?

Lucy van Pelt:
And I expect a certain piano player to ask *me*.

Charlie Brown:
But I've got this book report to do.

Lucy van Pelt:
I'm enrolling us in a dance class. A New Year's party is not a party without lots of dancing.

Charlie Brown:
I've written an invitation to the Little Red-Haired Girl. I was afraid to call her. It's too late to mail it, so I thought I'd take it to her house, but I'm worried.

Linus van Pelt:
Why? All you have to do is slip the letter into the mail slot in the front door of the house.

Charlie Brown:
But what if my hand gets caught in the mail slot?

Linus van Pelt:
That's ridiculous, Charlie Brown!

Charlie Brown:
Well then, what if my hand gets caught in the mail slot, and while I'm hanging there, someone opens the door?

Linus van Pelt:
Charlie Brown, you worry about the most impossible things.

[first lines]

Charlie Brown:
[voiceover] Oh boy, only one more minute till Christmas vacation starts, and the teacher hasn't given us any assignments over the holidays. [we hear warbling, which is really Miss Othmar; Charlie Brown now groans] Oh, no!