Harsh Times

Jim Davis:
I see dumb people.

Mike Alonzo:
How was it like to straight up whack em up ?

Mike Alonzo:
Point and shoot. Pop, pop - move on! You do not stop and think!

Jim Davis:
I'm a soldier of the apocalypse, man!

Jim Davis:
I'll be a super recruit!

Sylvia:
You're crazy and you're dangerous and my biggest nightmare is you with a f***ing badge!

Sylvia:
You look like a gift-wrapped turd!

Jim Davis:
[after Mike shows Jim a six pack bought by Sylvia for getting a job callback - which was really Jim pretending] Now we know beer is only a phone call away.

Polygraph Expert:
I've been doing polygraph tests since before you were swimming in your father's balls. Now either you've got a tack in your shoe, or you're clenching your butt.

Jim Davis:
What if I punch you in the belly.

Jim Davis:
You point and shoot... pop pop... move on... f*** em they shouldn't have been there... you move the f*** on... you do not stop and think about it... it's not a big deal.

Jim Davis:
"Mr. Jim Davis, we regret to"... what? Man, how many... I had two beers, right?

Mike Alvarez:
Yeah.

Jim Davis:
I'm goin' f***in' blind or something. Okay, this letter says, quoting, "... no longer eligible as a Police Officer candidate." What the f*** does that mean?

Mike Alvarez:
Come on, dude. "No longer eligible", I mean, what does that sound like? They pulled the plug, dude.

Jim Davis:
No, no. Wh-why? Oh, man, I bet you 'cause it's... I bet you it's 'cause I'm White.

Mike Alvarez:
I bet it's 'cause you're a dick.

Jim Davis:
Damn, those are bad-ass kicks, dawg. You're lucky you got little b*tch feet, or else I'd be stompin' around in them mother f***ers.

Sylvia:
Jim, good luck on your pee test. I hope you studied.

Jim Davis:
I'm gonna cram for it!

Jim Davis:
F*** you, God! You ain't got the f***in' balls to take my ass!

Toussant:
Dude, I ain't hangin' around you anymore until you get some f***in' help.

Jim Davis:
You can 12-step off, b*tch. You're dismissed.

Jim Davis:
It's good you're doing positive sh*t!

Leo:
[pointing firearm at Mike and Jim] Blink and die, scumbag!

Jim Davis:
Hey, later, Patty! I hope you're not pregnant, but you know you wanted me to blow in you.

Patty:
[gives him the finger] F*** you!

Sylvia:
You have to keep trying until something happens. Finding a job is a job, right?

Mike Alvarez:
I've been workin' all day. I've been lookin' for work all day.

[final lines]

Mike Alvarez:
I love you, f***in' sh*t bag.

Jim Davis:
I love you too. I'm gonna miss you, brother. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Mike Alvarez:
Everything's gonna be okay.

Jim Davis:
Yeah. Yeah. I know.

Jim Davis:
I wanna get f***ed up.

Jim Davis:
Man, f*** the sticks! LA city's the sh*t!

Jim Davis:
That's a lotta lettuce!

Jim Davis:
Trigger time?

Jim Davis:
White people program sh*t. You ain't down? F*** you.

Jim Davis:
Put the f***ing gun to my head and pull the trigger. Nobody's gonna know. Just you and me and God.

Mike Alvarez:
Be cool, baby girl! I'm on a mission to get my sh*t together!

Jim Davis:
Freeze, b*tch! I'm gonna take that big ass of yours home!

[Jim and Mike are in their car at a red light]

Jim Davis:
This f***s up my plan. This is f***ing bullshit. Okay, this, these f***ing a**holes, this f***...

[Begins punching the car horn with each word]

Jim Davis:
These! F***ing! Ass! Holes! What the f*** is their problem man? This is f***ing typical! Gah! Hate-game bullshit!

Mike Alvarez:
Yo, yo. F***ing chill Magilla Gorilla. I mean you're tripping dude.

[last lines]

Mike Alvarez:
I love you, f***er shitbag.

Jim Davis:
I love you too. I'm gonna miss you, brother. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Mike Alvarez:
Everything's gonna be okay.

Jim Davis:
Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Jim Davis:
My sh*t is on fire right now! My sh*t is wired right now, man!

Marta:
No, please don't go. Time freezes when you're gone.