Have Gun - Will Travel

Paladin:
I don't think you got a very good look at this gun while you had it. The balance is perfect. This trigger responds to a pressure of one ounce. If you look carefully in the barrel you'll see the lines of the rifling. It's a rarity in a hand weapon. This gun was handcrafted to my specifications and I rarely draw it unless I mean to use it. Would you care for a demonstration?

Paladin:
Tis a foolish thing dwelling 'neath a roof of glass to stone thy neighbors as they pass Don Quixote 1605

Maya Ferguson:
You will agree to remember at all times please that I'm a lady.

Paladin:
Well, your mother knew something they apparently are not teaching young ladies at schools in the East these days. The quickest way to bring out the worst in a man is to make certain it's there.

Paladin:
Reverand. Wasn't it McCaulay who said there is a universal solvent that dissolves all riddles. Its name is truth.

Gundar:
You don't talk "woman" to me, son who marry from the town, from the dungheap.

Daniel:
Don't say things against Sophie, pa. I ain't gonna listen.

Gundar:
Slop from the gutter is not a wife!

Gundar:
Point the gun!

Paladin:
Your husband was a sea captain?

Sarah:
A sea captain? He hauled garbage from Galveston to the breakwater, and he'd come home smelling of it.

Sarah:
Do you know how old I am? I'm 28. Twelve years like a stone he could kick, if his meal wasn't hot enough, or his bed wasn't made, or if there was a 10-cent piece missing that I couldn't account for. But he could come home drunk, he could gamble the food away, he could fall down on the porch and get sick all over his fancy gold braid.

Sandy:
What if I say that I love you?

Paladin:
I might believe it. And some night when my back made a convenient target, you might forget it.

Paladin:
I sometimes think that all good men are afraid. It's also been said that fear is the beginning of wisdom.

Paladin:
Well Armstedder, she didn't always have to hustle drinks in a bar.

Sheriff John Armstedder:
You know her 100 years ago mister?

Paladin:
I guess it was that long ago.

Sheriff John Armstedder:
sour truth? Still, she looks sweet enough to be honey for Jalisco.

Ralph Coe:
Draw.

Paladin:
In due time, Mr. Coe.

Sheriff Dave Quinn:
A little law's better than none.

Paladin:
Oh, are the Irish so bad?

Renato Donatello:
What kind of savages would drink whiskey made from potatoes?

Renato Donatello:
I will go up there and crush that savage!

Paladin:
No you won't. No. That's my job.

Paladin:
Would you shoot an unarmed scaloppini?

Theresa Donatello:
Where is Senor Paladin going?

Renato Donatello:
To get drunk, I guess.

Paladin:
That's Omar Khayy?m again.

Renato Donatello:
Is it?

Paladin:
Fitzgerald translation.

Paladin:
Thank you Decker.

Tim Decker:
Thank me?

Paladin:
A man like me tends to forget how many different ways there are to show courage. I have no idea how I'd stand up to a ten-year old boy. I thank you.

Paladin:
Voltaire once said it is a heavy burden to bear a name that is too famous.

Tim Decker:
Paladin - I want the Bradleys. Whatever else you believe, believe that.

Paladin:
If I believe that, then I have to look someplace else for the reason you're doing everything wrong, don't I?

Paladin:
None is so blind as he who will not see.

Paladin:
Some friendships are like a good wine; a wise man let's them age before sampling.

Paladin:
Some good wines are better slightly chilled.

Paladin:
Respect can be as contagious as measles if it's properly spread around.

Paladin:
Respect is important to all men. Some will even risk death for it.

Paladin:
I think we came out just about even. The marshal has your gratitude and I have your money.

Priest:
I see... The wise hawk conceals his claws.

Paladin:
And the wise man, his Wisdom.

Will Haskell:
He needs diein'.

Paladin:
[to Ben Tyler] You are going back with me, either sitting in a saddle or lying across it.

Ernie Teller:
I seen a lot of bullet holes. Little and angry going in and real big and ripped coming out. I hear a shot, and I see a hole through someone.

Max Clay:
You talk better than I do. We'll see how you talk with a mouth full of blood.

Paladin:
Now that's a very apt toast. To the discomfort of our enemies.

Paladin:
A fight over a woman usually starts with the woman.

Paladin:
May I offer you my best wishes and trouble you for my two-thousand dollars, please?

Paladin:
An Austrian tourist. And perhaps pope was right. "He's armed without who's innocent within."

Paladin:
Go home. Go home to your castle and lock the door and practice dip the knee to your princely heart's content. But don't stay here. Don't stay here unless you're prepared to sacrifice your illusions, and possibly even your life.

Duke Franz:
I will double your fee.

Paladin:
It's not a question of money.

Duke Franz:
Then what?

Paladin:
It's an old aversion to helping people make fools of themselves.

Paladin:
On the contrary, I have the highest regard for the statutes. Including some you won't find in that book there. One of them, survival. When you lose on that count friend, there's no appeal.

Frank DeWitt:
Justice discards party, friendship and kindred.

Paladin:
Addison.

Paladin:
I have one bullet left, Mr. Breed. You may draw when you're ready.

Paladin:
There is one wild thing that man will never civilize. Woman!

Ella West:
You ain't gonna learn me nothing'!

Paladin:
That's correct. I'm going to teach you; you'll do the learning.

Paladin:
First, you wouldn't be worth two cents to the show as a lady, and second, it would be impossible in the first place.

Ella West:
The store sold me a lot of cross-ropes and, and lashin's to go underneath. It woulda cinched me in like a saddle; I figured I didn't need it.

Paladin:
Obviously. But it's not considered polite to discuss undergarments.

Paladin:
I didn't come here to bushwhack you, but to challenge you to a duel. You didn't kill me last night when you had the opportunity, so I take it you also consider yourself a gentleman. Shall we settle it like gentlemen?

Smoke:
In the books there's a name for your kind. Yes, a paladin - a knight in shining armor, armed with a righteous cause and a lance.

Paladin:
Fused silica, lime, treated with mercury, polished, and in it a man can see what he is, and what he was.

Paladin:
Guns are my business.

Jimmy O'Riley:
You so much as move an elbow and I'll pull this hat down right over my head!

Paladin:
Double-cross is a very ambiguous sign; it points in eight different directions all at once.

Ben Stacy:
Now talk!

Paladin:
If I do, I'm gonna make a real loud noise... and a big hole - more than one if necessary, gentlemen.

Isham Spruce:
Freedom can make you proud mister, but it don't put no food in your belly.

Paladin:
He was a man, take him all in all. I shall not look upon his kind again.

Monica Reagan:
Paladin, I don't suppose you can stop it.

Paladin:
Monica, the shadow a man stands on at noon seems to rise up and meet him at evening. I don't whether I can stop that.

Paladin:
He who sharpens the tooth of the wolf dies by its bite. You might think on that Dink.

Paladin:
The memory of Monica kept Ben Turner alive for a 1000 years. I do hope you're more fortunate, Reagan.

Dr. Phyllis Thackeray:
When was the last time you slept?

Paladin:
I was too young to remember.

Paladin:
Montaigne Man does not need the mortar of truth to seal up the private prisons of his fear.

Paladin:
A woman of valor, who shall find? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband trusteth her and he has no lack of gain. She doeth him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Paladin:
He who takes the wrong road, makes the journey twice.

Hey Girl:
Bending over a hot stove has robbed more than one woman of her senses.

Regaldo:
[referring to Paladin] I want that man alive, do you hear? I want him to die... slowly.

Paladin:
When Milton declared that heaven's best gift is a woman perfected, he forgot to mention what a hellish job it is perfecting one of them.

Paladin:
I think perhaps Homer described it better. A creature with the form of a goddess, the walk of a queen and the heart of a tyrant.

Paladin:
Madam, the fact that a chicken can lay a perfect egg does not entitle her to crow like a rooster.

Lydia Moss:
Maybe you'd prefer to go out and eat with the hogs.

Paladin:
Miss Moss, don't apologize to me for your cooking. I'm sure the over seasoning was just a mistake.

Lydia Moss:
Over what? We've had your cowboy friends ride three days to eat at this table.

Paladin:
It is amazing how cowboys and ranch hands develop a fondness for that peculiar flavor of chuck wagon cooking. Very few kitchens can reproduce it.

Thad Taylor:
We had an agreement.

Paladin:
Well, I'm living up to my part of it.

Thad Taylor:
You've done nothing but throw the whole darn thing right back in my lap.

Paladin:
A man can be hired to do anything in this world for another man but make a decision for him!

Paladin:
Lesson number one - never touch a man in desperation, in anger or in fear. A real woman, a proper female kind of woman tries to perpetuate the legend that her touch is as rare as a fine jewel. That it's given only to a very special person at a very special moment.

Lydia Moss:
That doesn't make sense. It's not even practical.

Paladin:
Lesson number two - forget all about logic.

Lydia Moss:
Do I have to be a liar to be a woman?

Paladin:
You'll know when a moment for honesty comes and it'll make truth out of every illusion you've created.

Lydia Moss:
Miss Moss. Here are your robes. I believe you're about ready to graduate.

Paladin:
Miss Moss. Here are your robes. I believe you're about ready to graduate.

Paladin:
Well, I think your fiance might agree that this money was fairly earned.

Lydia Moss:
Maybe you just should have just stayed in San Francisco and not butted in at all.

Paladin:
Now that kind of remark calls for a very special kind of an answer and I wish I could think of it.

Lydia Moss:
Thaddeus. If you're gonna track mud in, you're gonna sweep it out too, dear.

Paladin:
Hmm. Now I feel better. Whom God hath joined together, let no man put asunder.

Jim Rook:
Where I come from, Mr. Paladin, there's a word for a cheap trick like that: showboating.

Paladin:
I have another name for it. Salesmanship.

Paladin:
We can't be too careful in the choice of our enemies.

Oscar Wilde:
Don't you know, that sounds like something I might have said myself, old bean.

Paladin:
You will, Mr. Wilde.

Paladin:
Boy. You just made a choice. Don't force me to make one.

Dr. Kelly:
Sky Blue. Where it started and ended.

Paladin:
And in between the bird of time had but a little way to flutter. And the bird is on the wing.

Paladin:
I have found no book on bravery, no formula for courage. I think perhaps a man is valiant only when his fear of cowardice exceeds his fear of death.

Paladin:
Somebody has to take care of small children and stubborn women.

The Sacramento Nugget.:
Wanted: Man with investigative ability, tact, perseverance, and proven physical courage for possible hazardous mission. Must be man of taste and discernment, a West Point graduate, and a former army officer.

Paladin:
I'm very partial to combinations of three.

Mazie:
I've often wondered what whiskey tastes like.

Clay Sommers:
Head-on, from the side, in the back; nobody's gonna make a fair fight out of it. We see you, we shoot.

Martha Jane Conroy:
What happened to me? Well, what do you think?

Paladin:
As I remember it, you never drank while you were working.

Martha Jane Conroy:
That was before Ned Blackstock took to looking for younger women.

Paladin:
Oh, then you resigned to the bottle and Ned had to find himself another girl.

Martha Jane Conroy:
Well you know, we all ain't got but one life to waste.

Paladin:
Jane, I have heard of doctors who consider drinking a sickness.

Martha Jane Conroy:
And what do I pay them with? The grateful sigh of a pure maiden?

Paladin:
This gun is your safe passage.

General Largo Ortega:
Who overcomes by force have overcome but half his foe. Maybe Shelley was right.

Paladin:
I think perhaps he was. But I think it was Milton.

Nathan Shotness:
In what other country could you find a hired killer who could quote you the words of the holy Torah?

Paladin:
The good die young so they may not be corrupted and the wicked live on so they may have a chance to repent.

Paladin:
Well, at the best there are Indians and wolves and snow over your head a good part of the time. Hunger, loneliness, danger of falling off your horse when you're alone. Flash floods in the spring, marauders and all the great unknowns of living and still Bartlett, it isn't as if you were alone.

Emmy Bartlett:
Some time come back.

Paladin:
Sometime perhaps. When the name and the face no longer evoke a sting of memory but only the knowledge that a pledge long broken has finally been healed.

Paladin:
[giving his code of law] Thou shalt not kill a man unless he's armed and facing you; thou shalt not steal a man's house; thou shalt not rob at gun point.

Sheriff Owen Deaver:
What if the sheriff gets up on the wrong side of bed and everything is a crime?

Paladin:
Don't you think you ought to allow the decent people to keep enough.

Paladin:
arms to defend themselves.

Paladin:
You say nobody can carry guns in this town, so the only people who have guns are the outlaw scum who will continue to come through here. You can't protect the people in this town. But you take away the only means they have of defending themselves.

Mayor Harper:
Well, here it is. Some of us feel by rights you should split it.

Barber:
You couldn't have done it alone.

Paladin:
I didn't say I could. But since Melisssa has your guns and your pledges and that's all she asked for, I will accept your money since that's all I asked for.

Melissa Griffin:
That's fair I suppose but of course I don't have your pledge.

Barber:
Ain't you going her way?

Paladin:
Heraclitus says that all ways are the same way. And it could be that he's right.

Paladin:
You are beautiful. And your faith is beautiful, but sometimes the essence of beauty is its fragility. And Bugbear is not a good place to test it.

Melissa Griffin:
Are you afraid of a test?

Paladin:
No.

Melissa Griffin:
Neither am I.

Paladin:
Perhaps we could strike some kind of compromise. I make it a practice never to wear a gun when I'm having dinner with a lady.

Melissa Griffin:
Perhaps that's just when you should keep your powder dry, Mr. Paladin.

Paladin:
Well, you are a woman of great determination.

Melissa Griffin:
Does that frighten you? It's frightened every other man.

Paladin:
No. But I do puzzle about you.

Melissa Griffin:
Perhaps you imagine me leading the martyrs into the Colosseum.

Paladin:
Oh, no. I should be very concerned for the lions in that case.

Paladin:
An empty gun can tell a man a lot of things.

Paladin:
I'm terribly sorry about it, old friend, but my hotel has very strict rules about pets.

Paladin:
In various countries I've been served sheep eyes, roast dog and stewed lizard. Compared to this, they were a bargain.

Paladin:
Did you come here to pass the time of day or talk business?

Billy-Joe Kane:
Well, fine. Direct and to the point. You're the kind of man I like.

Paladin:
I can't say the same.

Paladin:
You're a strange mixture, Kane. So far you've gotten what you want without violence, without really breaking the law. But you're being pushed now, and I wonder what that'll do to you.

Billy-Joe Kane:
When I want moralizing, Mister, I'll hire me a preacher.

Paladin:
No, you won't. There's no immediate profit in it.

Paladin:
So far, I've seen you lie, cheat, steal, and try murder. You tried everything but begging. Now get down on your knees, Billy Joe.

Paladin:
Well, this is the night when some people pretend there is no evil in the world.

Nathaniel Beecher:
The belly always wins out.

Paladin:
With this gun, I could have stopped murder tonight. But I've taken it off. That's my present to you. In all my life I've only seen a dozen real killers, but I've seen ten thousand people that would stand by and let it happen. Which is the greater evil?

Paladin:
I've been offered a dozen good ways to get myself killed since I came to this town. Now I'm gonna make a few offers myself.

Paladin:
Of course, I could have drawn on you while you were lighting that cigar.

Jockey:
You must be a stranger. No one around here draws on the Jockey. I could light another match if *you'd* like to try it.

Paladin:
You can have it any way you want it, gentlemen.

Casey Bryan:
Got any gold on ya?

Paladin:
Small filling in the back molar.

Casey Bryan:
Get moving.

Paladin:
That's all?

Casey Bryan:
What do you want, a bath? Get movin'.

Jockey:
This ain't no mob. They're witnesses.

Paladin:
Witnesses to what?

Jockey:
To the fact that you drew on me and I killed you in self-defense.

Baron Otto von Albrecht:
Do not let these alarm you Mr. Paladin. When I am on a horse, its legs become mine. I rode before I walked.

Paladin:
Well, other men had first to crawl.

Baron Otto von Albrecht:
You are a paradox Sir Paladin. A gentleman knight who risks lance and life for people he dislikes or even hates to get enough money to pamper his expensive tastes. At the very best or least my dear Paladin, you are a spiritual assasin.

Paladin:
You do take advantage of your years old man.

Baron Otto von Albrecht:
D take every advantage. And why not? I am the creation of all the von Albrechts who ever lived. In a sense I am 600 years old. Six centuries of breeding and tradition.

Paladin:
Well, when the meek finally do inherit the earth, my very strong conviction is that none of your bloodline will flow in the veins of the property owners. Excuse me.

Baron Otto von Albrecht:
When he was very young, he was a quiet boy. 600 years for this! The hope of a great name, destroyed. Dead in the dirt of a strange land. Now, I am the very last of the von Albrechts. Do you understand what I am saying?

Paladin:
"Well may the children weep before you. They know the grief of man without its wisdom. They sink in man's dispair without its calm."

Baron Otto von Albrecht:
Who's fault Paladin?

Paladin:
That's a question each man will have to answer for himself.

Paladin:
Doctor, I'd rather waste my time than your life.

Paladin:
In the words of Sam Clemens, "Only the ignorant can meet out unsullied justice."

Paladin:
As Jefferson says, The tree of liberty must from time to time be watered with the blood of tyrants.

Clyde Broderick:
Now, there's been some mistake, sir. My name is Broderick, Clyde Broderick, of the Sharps Rifle Company. I'm the territorial representative, salesman, "drummer" if you will.

Dr. Avatar:
Then perhaps you know what these are?

Paladin:
Yes. They are used to measure what Lombroso has termed the stigmata of degeneracy - certain cranial abnormalities, a low sensitivity to pain, primitive instincts found in cannibals, cave dwellers, apes, animals and habitual murderers - in short, the mark of Cain.

Dr. Avatar:
And that is why I have come back to America.

Paladin:
Oh. A shortage of murderers in Europe this year?

Dr. Avatar:
There's never a shortage of wife killers - murders of passion, momentary rage, that sort of thing. My interest is in the habitual murderer. The man who kills 10, 20, 30 people. For him it is not circumstance, or unrequited love, or even small prejudice that drives him to kill. No sir. With him it is constitution. He cannot help himself. And that is the mark of Cain.

Paladin:
And that is what you hope to find in the wild west?

Dr. Avatar:
Well, sir, in the words of Lacassagne, societies get the criminals they deserve.

Paladin:
And what will you do with one if you catch him?

Dr. Avatar:
I shall make a detailed record of his skull measurements and his reflexes. Ah my. The James boys. The Daltons. Cherokee Bill, Jake Trueblood, Tom Horn! The very names come rolling off the tongue like thunder. How long I've dreamt of meeting some of them face to face.

Paladin:
The only one of that bunch that's left alive is Jake Trueblood and you don't want him.

Dr. Avatar:
Why not? He's on my list. He's practically the head of it.

Paladin:
Jake's not a murderer. He's never killed anyone. Except in a fair fight.

Dr. Avatar:
Perhaps so, but after 20 or 30 times would you not agree that a pattern tends to emerge?

Paladin:
What makes you think Jake will let you get that close to his skull?

Dr. Avatar:
For $1,000, Mr. Paladin, I expect you to arrange the details.

Andre - Hotel Carlton Chef:
Monsieur Paladin. My great masterpiece now will be garbage.

Paladin:
Console yourself Andre. Your sun will rise again tomorrow morning - there will be more zucchini blossoms. But Charlie Blackburn won't see them.

Paladin:
You know, until a few moments ago I was feeling very superior to a Chinese friend of mine. I forgot that he came by his superstitions honestly; he learned them from the cradle. I can't find any such excuse for you.

Paladin:
Ignorant and prejudiced people like to be deceived. And I think they deserve it when they are.

Why confuse them with the truth?

The Monster of Moon Ridge (Season 2, Episode 24)

Feb 28, 1959 (United States)

Paladin:
It's no great tragic thing to remain a child. Theirs is the best age.

Paladin:
Their world is mysterious, wonderful, half real, half make-believe...

Paladin:
Mr Bella, the world we live in is not always so pleasant.

Joe Marsh:
Well, hello. Nicest scenery since I got here.

Paladin:
A pretty girl completes a beautiful morning.

Myra Ritchie:
Same breed, different feathers.

Henry Ritchie:
We'll do business with the devil if he's a man we need.

Paladin:
You were just interviewing one of his assistants.

Paladin:
Mr. Ritchie, I never use this gun unless I have to. That's why you'll find my fee somewhat high.

Mike O'Hare:
A gunfighter.

Paladin:
I don't care for that term.

Mike O'Hare:
Well, what do you know. A sensitive gunfighter.

Paladin:
I'm taking you back to Laramie.

Manfred Holt:
To be hung at a county fair while they hawk buttons off my shirt. Thanks.

Manfred Holt:
You mean you hired your gun to that quivering tub of gully mud?

Paladin:
Well, unfortunately, you can't be allowed to go around killing everybody you don't like.

Manfred Holt:
Yeah, it does sound like I got me some bad habits.

Manfred Holt:
A man just has to be what he is. Guess that holds for you too?

Manfred Holt:
Oh and, Paladin, don't try anything fancy like wingin' a shoulder or the leg. You know, a man like me you either kill or he kills you.

Paladin:
I know.

Manfred Holt:
That pump; when the next drop of water falls.

Sarah Holt:
He shared his life only with the men he respected. And so it is with his death.

Paladin:
You hired my time, Brennan. Nobody hires me.

Paladin:
Heaven help us what men do in the name of good.

Paladin:
In ancient days, the barbers were also surgeons. This is the nineteenth century, and if I want any blood let I'll get a doctor to do it.

Gene Morgan:
I feel a little bit stubbly myself.

Sam Barton:
[to Dr. Thackeray] You're the wrong sex to be handling a gun.

Paladin:
I seldom forget a face or a sum of money.

Kim "Hey Boy" Chan:
My name Hey Boy, not Hey You.

Rod Blakley:
Now look. I rode 50 miles to talk to you and you're gonna listen or I'll bust your jaw.

Jason Coldwell:
I wonder if I could interest you in a new product that came in this week. It's called soap.

Paladin:
Without teachers, every generation would have to start by discovering fire and inventing the wheel.

Paladin:
Start. What are you waiting for? You've got a gun in that holster. You have two good hands; you're standing on your own two feet. What more do you want? Want an edge?

Marshal Jim Buell:
They won't understand.

Paladin:
They understand. And I understand. 23 years of intimacy with the misery and madness of men, wrappping bodies in ponchos and kicking dust over the blood, telling a wife you just shot her husband or a father that his son must hang and telling yourself the law will be done no matter what the personal pain, anguish. I understand that 23 years of anguish, torture can twist a man. The ironic thing, marshal, is that only the very best survive long enough to break.

Paladin:
Major, let me set the record straight. I did not come here for old school gossip, to sing class songs, or to discuss personal affairs, past or present. If you have a problem, please detail it, and I'll name a price.

Rupe Bosworth:
Well, their mother was a violent woman. She liked to wring chickens' necks.

Paladin:
[preparing to beat up Jud Polk] If this is a sin, I'm going to enjoy it more than any other I ever committed.

Paladin:
You tried to get me killed, but I FORGIVE you!

If men have a common factor it seems to me their ability to err. If a man's mistakes determine what he was, then what he does about those mistakes should determine what he is.

"Only the young die good."

season 4, episode 2, Love's Young Dream

Paladin:
"well Augusta it looks like you got what every woman should have. A man you can train from scratch"

Paladin:
The two loveliest things I know--a lovely girl, a lovely woman. One has a fresh innocence, and the other a kind of ripened perfection. And there’s a time in every woman’s life where she’s both, changing back and forth like quicksilver—the rarest and loveliest thing in all creation.

From "The Princess and the Gunfighter"

Paladin:

We’re none of us truly free. Not you, not Trishka. And not me. Once in a while, we can reach through the bars of our dungeon and touch. But we’re not free.

The noble acceptance of the prison of oneself is the ultimate and only duty of man.

Duty is like a man’s shadow. He may cast his eyes away from it yet will it follow him even as he flees.