Healthy, Wealthy and Dumb

Curly Howard:
[a bathtub is behind a door that they open] Ohhhh, a rowboat.

Larry:
A rowboat, you're crazy. That's a horse troph.

Moe:
Rowboat, horse troph. In a hotel? That's a bathtub, you imbeciles. Go take a bath.

Larry:
But we can't. It ain't spring yet.

Moe:
Oh yes it is. See the pretty grass?

Larry:
[looks toward the bathtub] Where?

Moe:
[Moe shoves him in and closes the door. Curly giggles] You're next.

Curly Howard:
But I had a bath.

Moe:
When?

Curly Howard:
July 14, 1910. I was too young to fight about it then.

Moe:
What are you gonna do now?

Curly Howard:
Take a bath.

Curly Howard:
[Curly reads a telegram of their prize money and sees that taxes reduced their prise money into $4.95] Nyaaaaa... [faints, Larry grabs it. Reads it]

Larry:
They'll put us in jail! [faints, Moe grabs it]

Hotel Costa Plente room service:
Did he say jail?

Moe:
No, Yale. He's got a brother in college with two heads. They got him in a bottle. [Looks at the telegram for a second and flinches]

Hotel Costa Plente room service:
Is something wrong?

Moe:
Nothing. The figures stagger me.

Hotel Costa Plente room service:
And so will your bill.

Curly Howard:
[Thinks the canopy bed is a bunk bed, steps up Moe to get to the top. Feels it] I'll be able to sleep up here for a week, this bed is so soft. Give me a call for Wednesday. [Lays on his back and then the bed collapses]

Moe:
[Drinks a whole bottle of champagne. Followed by a faint rumbling noise] This bottle sounds flat.

Moe:
Try another.

Curly Howard:
[gets a bottle of champagne from the tray] I'll sharpen this one up. [Shakes it, then opens it with foam squirting out. Curly puts it in his mouth and champagne sprays out of his ears. Then stops after a while] Boy, did I sharpen that bottle.

Moe:
[picks up a glass] A toast.

Larry:
[picks up a glass] A toast.

Curly Howard:
[picks up air] A toast. [Sees that there is no glass] Roses are red, violets are blue, there's no glass for me, so hot cakes to you. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk. [Moe and Larry throw pancakes onto his face]

Moe:
If you want to cheat, cheat fair.

Hotel Manager:
This bed goes back to Henry the Eighth.

Curly Howard:
That's nothing. We had a bed that went back to Sears Roebuck the Third.

Curly Howard:
Roses are red, and violets are blue, try Stick-Fast glue, and you'll be stuck to, oh boy I got it, if I make the best slogan I'll win a lot of money!

Moe:
Oh your crazy, you've been sending those in for weeks, nobody ever wins those.

Larry:
Yeah, why don't you play cards and prove your mind? What there is of it.

Curly Howard:
See the money I get!

Moe:
[putting a pancake on the center plate] There's that chip, I call. What do ya got?

Larry:
[laying down his hand] Just four aces.

Moe:
[slams his hand on the table] And me with four kings again.

Larry:
[taking the pancakes] Well it must be beginner's luck.

Moe:
I can't understand it, everyday you have beginner's luck.

Larry:
[getting up to reach for the syrup] Well its just one of those things you know...

Moe:
[grabs Larry by the hair and looks on his chair and sees a lot of aces] You want to cheat, cheat fair, anything I hate is a crookin' crook.

[Moe shakes Larry and more aces fall out of his coat]

Moe:
[slaps Larry in the head and then sits down to eat the pancakes] My beginner's luck, huh, huh, huh.

Larry:
[carrying a boiling kettle] I got it! Hot water always melts glue.

[Moe begins thrashing as Larry holds him and pours the water onto his mouth]

Moe:
[angry] What do you think I am, a lobster? Tryin' to boil me alive?

Larry:
[while being slapped in the head by Moe] Well, hot water always melts glue!

[first lines]

Larry:
How many?

Moe:
I'll take three.

Larry:
I'll take the same.

Moe:
I bet two.

[Moe puts two pancakes on the center plate]

Larry:
I'll see those two, and I'll raise you five!

[Larry puts his entire stack on the center plate]

Moe:
I'd better win today I haven't had breakfast in a week!

Larry:
Well the best man always wins.

Moe:
Well there's four... Hey I need some more chips!

[the camera moves over to Curly flipping a pancake in a frying pan]

Moe:
Hurry it up with those chips!

[Curly comes over to the table]

Curly Howard:
I'm getting sick and tired of making chips for you guys, I gotta get busy for my radio contest!