Heppoko jikken animêshon excel saga

Background voice:
I can't believe they killed the main character in the first scene!

[On her way to assassinate manga artist Koshi Rikdo]

Excel:
How dare you live in a place with a roof, you user of ink!

Excel:
There is one Earth! If it splits in half, there'll be two! All mankind is scum - and bee-yoo-tiful!

[to her dog, as she goes out]

Excel:
Menchi! Watch the place while I'm gone. Oh! And stop acting like you understand human words! It's rude to the other animals out there.

[after a log-sized fish roll floats by on a flooded street]

Excel:
And there appears to be some mighty mysterious carbohydrates floating by as well, don't you think?

[Addressing criminals while wearing an improvised "Sailor Moon" hairdo]

Excel:
There can be no excuse for those who use animation to exploit innocent children. That pisses Excel off! You've all been bad boys, so in the name of the toons, Excel will punish you!

[about "Sailor Moon"]

Excel:
I wanted that part, but it was dubbed in Canada!

Excel:
Excel just wishes that she had a DVD player instead of a coffee can filled with gravel. Hey, Ilpalazzo, just who does a girl have to sell her unmentionables to to get some personal electronics around here?

Excel:
[to a scared Koshi Rikdo] No, no, I'm not a robber, I'm just here to obliterate you!

[It's Christmas, yet another thing ACROSS is against]

Ilpalazzo:
It has nothing whatsoever to do with the festival, Excel, but I have a present for you.

[Ilpalazzo pulls a cord, dropping Excel into a pit with an alligator]

Ilpalazzo:
I have supplied a knife with it. Make whatever you want.

[Hyatt has died again]

Excel:
Hyatt, if you continue to so cavalierly play with the definition of death, they're gonna dissect you for real one of these days!

Excel:
[singing] Obliterate! Eliminate! Lord Ilpallatzo told me so! Genocide! Manga artist-cide! And an order of homicide to go!

[Good Excel is collared for her earlier homicidal act against Bad Excel]

Policewoman Excel:
Good Excel, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of Bad Excel

Good Excel:
Oh well, it's a fair cop.

[Good Excel whips out a pistol and shoots Bad Excel with it]

Good Excel:
The bullet of justice caps evil's ass! Remember that!

Excel:
Justice plays dirty!

Good Excel:
Well right makes might y'know!

Puuchuu Gun:
Wassup! My name is Nanami. I can advance and improve you, man! You gotta shoot me with yo damn soul! I'm countin' on ya! Wassup!

Excel:
Wow, it even has an adrenaline-pumping masculine voice included. So hi-tech!

[Nabeshin didn't help Excel out of a predicament]

Nabeshin:
But you looked heavy...

Excel:
HEAVY? OK, MISTER, MY BUTT'S A LITTLE BIG, BUT I'M DEFINITELY NOT "HEAVY!"

[Nabeshin pulls a shotgun out of his afro]

Excel:
That's some serious dandruff, man.

[repeated line]

Pedro:
NOOOO~!

Matsuya:
I don't care for the way you used my full name, along with the words "see" and "naked".

[repeated line]

Excel:
[shouts] Hail, Ilpalazzo!

Excel:
HAIL ILPALAZZO!

[Ilpalazzo looks up from his newspaper]

Ilpalazzo:
Ah, Excel. Wastefully exuberant as usual.

Iwata:
[When thinking about Ropponmatsu 1] Now that I've lost you, I realized how precious you were. Oh, Ropponmatsu!

Ropponmatsu 2:
You called?

Iwata:
[Fuming] Not YOU, you freak! And I insist you change your name to Roboko Robota immediately!

Ropponmatsu 2:
Iwatchi is a pansy!

Iwata:
That lonesome little...!

Ropponmatsu 2:
[Holding Matsuya] Oh, Big Sister, the mean ol' Senior is being mean to me. But you're on Ropponmatsu's side, aren't ya?

[Sumiyoshi thinks "That's a rare reaction."]

Matsuya:
[Ropponmatsu 2 still grips on Matsuya] I don't deal well with people who don't fit in the established hiearchy.

Iwata:
[to Ropponmatsu 2, mad] Hey, don't you be touching her either! She belongs to me too!

[Matsuya blows her top, and tosses a cigarette ashtray at Iwata's face, knocking him out]

Ilpalazzo:
Are you the messenger from HQ? Why are you late? Let us hear your reasons for that first.

Key:
My name is Key. I am a key. [to Excel] And could you perhaps be... my keyhole?

Excel:
[shouts] Excel heat overload! Excel isn't used to such lovie-dovie attacks but what about her Ilpalazzo? Excel's so confused.

Ilpalazzo:
[internally towards Key] Damn you. Just because you're a visually appealing little bastard doesn't make you cool. You're stupid! Stupid! Stupid! I'll kill you, you poser! I'll definitely make you die!

[HQ's messenger, Key, continues to hit on Excel and Hyatt]

Ilpalazzo:
[internally] Quit putting on such a show. Giving yourself an artist's airs, you narcissistic bastard! Nar-bastard! Nar-bastard! Disappear! Leave! Go away, away!

Iwata:
If you have time to wiggle those nasty things, why don't you chew peanuts with your eyes and eat spaghetti through your nose, you affront to God!

Iwata:
[Iwata is beaten up by Misaki again] I said wrestling, not boxing.

Hyatt:
[Hyatt is frozen in a block of ice] Senior. Hyatt... is... cold.

Excel:
Whoa! There she goes dying so peacefully again!

Bowling Terrorist Leader:
Hey, you main characters over there. Come and grab my balls.

Yoda's Silhouette:
What you can see with your eyes is not all there is, young Excel. Open the eye of your soul.

Excel:
The eye of my soul? And who the heck said you could do a cameo, anyway?

Bowling Terrorist Leader:
[Excel drops a bowling ball and it hits him in the foot] Ow, my shin! Such pain I am feeling!

Ropponmatsu 2:
My name isn't "punk", it"s Ropponmatsu!

Excel:
I don't care if your name is Roppongi, Rapunzel, or rope burn!

Hyatt:
[after being kidnapped by "bowling terrorists"] It appears bowling is a far more radical sport than I realized... Interesting!

Ilpalazzo:
Who puts a bomb in a dating game?

Dr. Kozo Shioji:
Sorry babe, but big b*obs and pubic hair really turn me off.

Iwata:
[When thinking about Ropponmatsu 1] Now that I've lost you, I realized how precious you were. Oh, Ropponmatsu!

Ropponmatsu 2:
You called?

Iwata:
[Fuming] Not YOU, you freak! And I insist you change your name to Roboko Robota immediately!

Ropponmatsu 2:
Iwatchi is a pansy!

Iwata:
That lonesome little...!

Ropponmatsu 2:
[Holding Matsuya] Oh, Big Sister, the mean ol' Senior is being mean to me. But you're on Ropponmatsu's side, aren't ya?

[Sumiyoshi thinks "That's a rare reaction."]

Matsuya:
[Ropponmatsu 2 still grips on Matsuya] I don't deal well with people who don't fit in the established hiearchy.

Iwata:
[to Ropponmatsu 2, mad] Hey, don't you be touching her either! She belongs to me too!

Matsuya:
[Matsuya blows her top, and tosses a cigarette ashtray at Iwata's face, knocking him out]

Host Shikiri:
[smiling, making the presentation of the program] Welcome to the only show where girls have balls!

Host Shinogi:
[smiling, looks at a girl who is at the background playing bowling] Why there's always the same girl playing inthe background?

Host Shikiri:
Because she is part of the crew

Terrorist Bowling Leader:
...And my group is called "Pins and Balls" [on screen shows the title "Balls and Pin"] NO!, Is "Pins and Balls"!

Wolf:
[when he's betrayed by the pitbull] You Son-of-a-Cat!

Hyatt:
[In Watanabe's imagination] Oh, it feels so good, ahhhhh.

Watanabe:
[to himself] No! bad boy! Wrong!

Watanabe:
[looking himself in the mirror and realizing that the suit he wears] Great, Which line must be said in a moment like this?

Title Card:
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Excel:
[Excel appears drawn in an American cartoon-style and talking in NY accent] Every morning begins with a single step. We're grains of sand and we're going to become a mountain.

Hyatt:
Your vocabulary has improved since you returned from the US.

Excel:
[Talking in Southern accent] That's right, baby!

Watanabe:
What the hell is this? Neoprene from head to toe? [while he tries to take off the helmet] It doesn't come out, I can't remove it. no seams or zippers, what the hell were they thinking? Don't they know that this filth is too nineties?

Excel:
[Crying, after watching a "Pedro the Movie" clip] Waaah! Excel's eyes are flowing!

Excel:
[When She and Pedro are falling from the building under construction] Billie Jean!

Pedro:
John Travolta!

Excel, Pedro:
[When they crash, they make a hole in the floor. They emerge embraced] Use a Helmet and you always be safe!

Dumb Soldier:
[after they find Menchi] So,how are we going to call to this little buddy?

Russian Soldier:
Actually, we have not decided

Soldier:
[melancholic tone] I do, How about Mickey?

Dumb Soldier:
Mickey?

Soldier:
Yes, he liked dogs. he used to say... when he were released... [mourning voice] he would open... a pet shop. [begins to mourn]

Russian Soldier:
[crying with Soldier] and then, he just died...

Soldier:
[crying] enough!

Dumb Soldier:
[Examining the menchi's crotch] Hey, I think is female

Soldier:
[crying embraced to the Russian Soldier] Mickey too! He was going to operate to become a woman and went to live with me when we were released.

Russian Soldier:
[crying] And he had to die like this!

Dumb Soldier:
You are right. We will call her Mickey

Watanabe:
[Watanabe notes that Hyatt walks like a crawling earthworm. But an obstacle in the way, prevents that Hyatt goes further. Watanabe withdrew the obstacle and Hyatt continues creeping] Where will crawl this siren?

Watanabe:
[following Hyatt while she continues with her path] Miss, Ehh... Tell me... How can I help you?

Hyatt:
Who are you, sir? [Hyatt clears the blood from her face]

Watanabe:
Just a Watanabe walking around...

Excel:
[playing at the pit with Tetsuko in the most scary food game:] Curry Rice

Tetsuko:
Egg Yolks

Excel:
Roast Menchi

Tetsuko:
Warm water

Excel:
Horse

Tetsuko:
Fish guts

Excel:
Hot chili

Tetsuko:
Sea urchin

Excel:
Honey

Tetsuko:
Pancakes

Excel:
Roast beef

Tetsuko:
Frog legs

Excel:
Tuna

Tetsuko:
Omelette

Excel:
Tortillas

Tetsuko:
Salmon

Excel:
Wasabe

Tetsuko:
Soup

Excel:
Peppers

Tetsuko:
Sauce

Excel:
Lizard?

Tetsuko:
Oysters

Excel:
Apricot

Tetsuko:
Salad

Excel:
Mushrooms

Tetsuko:
[playing with Excel] Lasagna

Excel:
Anchovies

Tetsuko:
Peacock

Excel:
Algae

Tetsuko:
Papaya

Excel:
Sausage

Tetsuko:
Roasted lamb

Excel:
Soufle

Tetsuko:
Sauce with Cognac

Excel:
Tea

Tetsuko:
Skewers

Excel:
Meat Sauce

Tetsuko:
Fish

Excel:
Pound Cake

Tetsuko:
Watermelon

Excel:
Strawberry Mousse

Tetsuko:
Wine

Excel:
Raviollis

Tetsuko:
Instant Soup

Excel:
Potatoes!

Tetsuko:
Strogonoff

Excel:
Fondue

Tetsuko:
Lobster

Excel:
Roman salad

Tetsuko:
Cake

Excel:
Roast with potatoes... Damn!, [breaks to cry in a fun Way] I hate this! I don't want to spend the rest of my life doing games with names of foods that I can't eat!

Tetsuko:
Well, That's life. That's the life. This is life...

Pedro:
[Reminescient of Dragon Ball Z] Nabe... hame... ha!

Iwata:
If my life will buy back the peace...

Ropponmatsu 2:
That'd be dirt cheap!

Sumiyoshi:
HUGE bargain.

Iwata:
Just *Shut up!*

That Man:
The more cheesy lines you say, the more humiliating your ultimate defeat will stink.

Pedro:
Pedro's defeat will not smell of cheese!