Here's Lucy

Kim Carter:
After all, girls are different than boys.

Craig Carter:
Yeah, I've been noticing that since I was 13.

Lucy Carter:
[Looking over the hotel register] Gee, Mr. Benny, you certainly had a lot of celebrities staying here. Mr. and Mrs. Steve McQueen, and Mr. and Mrs. Kirk Douglas, and oh! Sheik Ben Abdul Fouad and wife and wife and wife and wife and wife.

Jack Benny:
That was such a busy week! And those camels walking around the pool drove me nuts.

Jack Benny:
[Assigning rooms, turns to Harry] And you'll have Room 19 in that wing over there. It's a little more expensive, but it's worth it.

Harrison Otis 'Harry' Carter:
Well, uh, if it's more expensive I don't think...

Jack Benny:
It overlooks Raquel Welch's patio. She takes sunbaths every day.

Harrison Otis 'Harry' Carter:
I'll take it!

Jack Benny:
It used to be my room, but I had to give it up. Doctor's orders.

Harrison Otis 'Harry' Carter:
[Catching Lucy singing into his Dictaphone] This is a business office, not Tin Pan Alley!

Lucy Carter:
Well, uh, Miss Summers, now that you mention it, uh, you have put on a little weight in the past few years.

Shelley Summers:
A little weight? Honey, they invented Cinemascope to get my hips in the screen!

Lucy Carter:
[to Shelley] Hi-Yo, Silver!

Kim Carter:
[to Lucy] Twenty nine dollars and forty cents just for groceries?

Kim Carter:
[to Lucy] Mom, about what does a phone bill run every month?

Kim Carter:
[to Lucy] I'm glad you feel that way about him Mom. He likes you too,

Lucy Carter:
[to Harry] Here come da judge, here come da judge!

Harrison Otis 'Harry' Carter:
[Dictating a letter] Dear sir. Carter's Unique Employment Agency takes pride in finding unusual jobs for unusual people. And I am happy to tell you we've found for you a pitted olive pimiento patter.

Lucy Carter:
[Puzzled, interrupting] What is a pitted olive pimiento patter?

Harrison Otis 'Harry' Carter:
He's a man who stands in the assembly line and, as the olives roll along, if any of them have their pimientos sticking out, he pats them back in again.

Lucy Carter:
He says he won't give me a raise because I'm careless and incompetent.

Craig Carter:
Well, why don't you just get another job?

Lucy Carter:
Well, that's pretty hard to do when you're careless and incompetent.

Harrison Otis 'Harry' Carter:
Lucy! My cockamamie sister-in-law! The Lucretia Borgia of the typists!