Hit Count

Peteorpam Peterson:
An artist is a person who connects with other people; someone who seeks out that common bond between us all. Someone who finds it, and then uses it to show us that we are not really that different after all. Therefore, it follows that, the more people the artist connects with, the more common the bond that he has found, and therefore... the higher the art.

Brandon:
Okay, so this guy's whole thing is that he's trying to make the next big viral YouTube video, but the thing is... his videos suck.

Delivery Man:
Got a package for a Pete or Pam Peterson.

Peteorpam Peterson:
Yeah, that's me.

Delivery Man:
You Pete?

Peteorpam Peterson:
Peteorpam.

Delivery Man:
Yeah, it doesn't matter which one; I'm assuming you're Pete?

Peteorpam Peterson:
I'm Pete-or-pam.

Delivery Man:
Right. I just need to know which one so they can sign.

Peteorpam Peterson:
Which one what?

Delivery Man:
Pete or Pam.

Peteorpam Peterson:
Exactly.

Delivery Man:
[Looks at his clipboard, puzzled]

Peteorpam Peterson:
Twenty-nine hits! There's more people than that on this damn crew!

Maury:
Maybe we just need to give it some more time.

Peteorpam Peterson:
No, if it doesn't go viral in a week it never will-you know that, Maury!

Maury:
Maybe you should take it easy with the pistachios.

Peteorpam Peterson:
I give them animals playing instruments-nothing! I give them baby kittens being cute-nothing! What more do they want from me?

Maury:
Maybe we need to have someone getting hit in the nuts.

Peteorpam Peterson:
Aw, Maury, I told you, no nut hits. It's cheap, it's obvious, it's too easy! We've got to draw the line somewhere.

Peteorpam Peterson:
Twelve hits... that's all

Maury:
Yeah.

Peteorpam Peterson:
Any comments?

Maury:
Just one. It's from your Mom. She says she doesn't get why the ducks are wearing hats.