Hog Wild

Mrs. Hardy:
[runs up to Ollie] Oh Oliver darling, this is terrible.

Ollie:
Oh, don't cry over me, dear. I'm not hurt.

Mrs. Hardy:
I'm not crying over you. The man came and took the radio away. [sobs]

Mrs. Hardy:
Listen. I think you'd better let that radio go.

Ollie:
I should say not. I'll get that thing working if it's the last thing I do!

Mrs. Hardy:
[after Stan and Ollie fell off the roof a third time] Will you stop your playing?

Stan:
I thought you were going to meet me.

Ollie:
I was, but I've got to put the aerial up. Mrs. Hardy wants to get Japan.

Stan:
Gee, I'd like to hear Japan too.

Stan:
Do you mind if I help you?

Ollie:
I don't mind... that is, if you'll HELP me.

Mrs. Hardy:
What are you looking for?

Ollie:
[oblivious to the fact that he's wearing it] Where is my hat?

Mrs. Hardy:
[sarcastically] Well, why don't you look for it?

Ollie:
Why don't I look for it? I've looked everywhere!

Mrs. Hardy:
Everywhere?

Ollie:
Yes, everywhere that I've had my feet.

Ollie:
[rings bell] Yoo-hoo. TILLIE! Have you seen my hat?

Tillie - the Hardy's Maid:
Why... why...

Ollie:
Don't stand there stuttering. Have you seen my hat?

Mrs. Hardy:
Of course she's seen your hat. [to Tillie] You may go. [Tillie laughs at Ollie, because he's so upset about not being able to find something that's sitting right on his head, and leaves]

Ollie:
There you are. How do you expect me to uphold the dignity in my home when you belittle me in front of the servants?

Ollie:
That's the trouble with you wives. You're always hidings things so that we husbands can't find them. Why I can't even find the telephone in this house!