Howard the Duck

Howard T. Duck:
Every duck has his limit, and you scum have pushed me over the line!

Howard T. Duck:
On my planet, we don't say die, we say... HEY! NOT MY SHORTS!

Howard T. Duck:
That's it, no more Mr. Nice Duck.

Hostess:
I'm sorry, we don't allow pets on the premises.

Howard T. Duck:
Hey! Have a heart! Seeing-eye duck.

Howard T. Duck:
It's not nice to fool with the dark overlords!

Howard T. Duck:
Desperate ducks commit desperate acts!

Howard T. Duck:
If God had wanted us to fly he wouldn't have taken away our wings.

Howard T. Duck:
No one laughs at a master of Quack Fu!

Beverly:
You got some place to go?

Howard T. Duck:
Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.

Beverly:
He's my boyfriend!

3rd Trucker:
That's disgusting!

Beverly:
I don't know where you are now, but I hope you're happier there. This world didn't treat you very good, but you saved it, didn't you?

Dr. Jenning:
It feels like something inside me, gnawing at my guts... what's wrong with me?

Beverly:
Well... what did you have for lunch?

Dr. Jenning:
In the lab that night, we saw a single feather fall. We weren't aware that the rest of you, Howard, had landed in that alley just two miles away. Any questions?

Howard T. Duck:
Yeah. Where are my pants?

Howard T. Duck:
I've given up trying to assimilate. I've got to get back to my own kind!

Howard T. Duck:
Althoooooough... I HAVE developed a greater appreciation for the female version of the human anatomy... ARROOOOO!

Beverly:
Howard, you really are the worst!

Howard T. Duck:
No duck is an island.

Phil Blumburtt:
DUCK!

Howard T. Duck:
And proud of it!

Phil Blumburtt:
[attempting to analyze Howard]...This is amazing. Man's oldest fantasy! [imitating the SUPERMAN narrator] From across a sea of stars...Look! Up in the sky! It's...The Duck Who Fell to Earth!

Beverly Switzer:
Phil, you've got to help us. Seriously, what are we gonna do here?

Phil:
Nice Ducky. [squawking like Donald Duck] Me, Phil. You, Howard. We can be friends. Klaatu Barada Nikto!

Howard T. Duck:
[annoyed and confused] Undoubtedly one of Earth's greatest minds here.

Beverly:
Hey, Phil. Don't talk to him like that; he's just as smart as you are.

Howard:
Oh, now I'm really depressed.

Phil:
[into his microphone] Highly intelligent, perhaps even...Wait, that's it! We're about to see if the subject has any capabilities we don't normally find on Earth...Any "Superpowers", as it were? Howard! [he produces a steel bar and holds it out to Howard] Can you bend this?

Howard:
What are you, crazy or something? [The bar clatters to the floor]

Phil:
[produces a 2X4 and holds it in front of Howard's face] Howard, can you burn a hole through this with some kind of eye-laser?

Howard:
Hey, you wanna see powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal ducks? What say I bite your nose off with my super-bill!

Phil:
Howard, quit holding out! I want you to concentrate and read my mind!

Howard:
Right. You're thinking..."They know I'm a phony. They know I'm a yo-yo." Tell me if I'm warm on any of these, Phil. [Beverly giggles]

Phil:
Next, I want you to look into the future and tell me what you see!

Howard:
I see...Myself, walking out that door! [He departs, with Beverly in tow]

Phil:
  [coming backstage]  Sorry I missed the show.  I came with a pizza—[sees Howard]  Howard!  [speaks duck gibberish]

Howard:
  Oi…

Beverley:
  …vey.

Lieutenant Welker:
  You are going to go play sitting duck in a jail cell.

Cop:
  Lieutenant, what's the charge, sir?

Welker:
  Illegal alien.

Howard:
  Alright, that's how it starts!  police brutality!

Beverly:
  [to cop]  Hey, stop manhandling him!

Dr. Jenning:
  I'm dead.

Dark Overlord:
  Yes, you are.

Howard:
  You think that's funny, Jenning?

Dark Overlord:
  I am not Dr. Jenning any more!  The transformation is complete!  I am now someone else!

Howard:
  Try telling that to your insurance company.

Dark Overlord:
  I told you, bird brain, I am not Jenning any more!  I am one of the Dark Overlord of the Universe!

Beverly:
  Dark Overlord of the Universe?

Howard:
  That must be quite a responsibility.

Dark Overlord:
  Soon, the Dark Overlords will engulf the Earth.  Nothing human will remain here.

Howard:
  Oh, yeah?  Well, nothing duck's remaining here, either.

Beverly:
  Howard may be a duck, but you people are animals!  He's my boyfriend!  [crowd quiets]

Trucker:
  That's disgusting!

Crowd:
  Yeah!  [becomes rowdy again]

Beverly:
  You're not making me proud to be a human!

Howard T. Duck:
I'm a dead duck.

Howard T. Duck:
That's it, no more Mr. Nice Duck.  Hey, let the female creature go!  Every duck has his limit, and you, scum, have pushed me over the line.

Howard T. Duck:
Cleve-Land?  Uh huh.  That's a perfect weird name for this planet.

Howard T. Duck:
[seeing some hairless apes]  They look hungry.  Get 'em a banana.

Howard T. Duck:
Listen, if you got blasted millions of miles through space, ended up on another planet, and were given an I.Q. test by a janitor, you'd be a little pissed off, too!

Howard T. Duck:
I can't sit here on my tail feathers feeling sorry for myself.

Howard T. Duck:
That's right: space rabies!  One bite, and it's agonising death in five seconds!

Howard T. Duck:
"Hit my planet"?  How about "hit my living room"?!  Talk about invasion of privacy!

Howard T. Duck:
I've had enough!  I wanna see my lawyer!  [Lieutenant Welker chuckles]  I've got rights, you know!  I'm suing!

Howard T. Duck:
[guards are searching Howard]  On my planet, we never say die; we say—not my shorts!  You perverts!

Howard T. Duck:
You're ruffling my feathers!  Put me down, you big, hairless ape.

Howard T. Duck:
Great Duck in Heaven, is this the end of Howard?

Howard T. Duck:
Phil, no duck is an island, and if Fate sent me here to save Earth, then Howard the Duck is ready to fight!

Howard T. Duck:
Prepare to eat beak.

Howard T. Duck:
Good bye, Duckworld.

Beverly Switzler:
But if that's the way you want it, then so long, duckie!

Beverly Switzler:
Come on, let's watch David Letterman.

Beverly Switzler:
I just can't resist your intense animal magnetism.

Beverly Switzler:
[to the Dark Overlord of the Universe possessing the body of Dr. Walter Jenning]  You'll get the cheque?

Tommy Swerdlow:
Different lifestyles is one thing, different life forms is another.

Tommy Swerdlow:
Duck kebob!

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
I no longer need human food.

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
You are about to witness the end of the old world and the birth of the new.

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
This will mean the extinction of all existing life forms.

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
An evil unlike any you can imagine is about to engulf the Earth.

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
She took my eggs.

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
[after using his fire eyes to blow up a diner kitchen]  If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
It's closing time!

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
I have no license.  I am not Jack.

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
Smog Inspection.

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
I feel much better.

One Of The Dark Overlords Of The Universe:
Little Pond Hopper.

Phil Blumburtt:
Trust your birdness: fly!

Phil Blumburtt:
I never heard of a duck that couldn't swim.

The Cosmos:
  [narrated while Howard is being drawn through a wormhole]  The cosmos: countless worlds upon worlds, worlds without end.  In these galaxies, every possible reality exists, and what is reality on any one world is mere fantasy on all others.  Here, all is real and all is illusion.  What is, what was, and what will be start here with the words, "In the beginning, there was Howard the Duck!"

Cop:
  Shoot to kill!

Trucker:
  Is this the key to your duckmobile?

Lieutenant Welker:
  I want that duck, dead or alive.