Husbands

Gus Demetri:
Don't believe truth. Archie, just don't believe truth.

Archie Black:
[Arriving at the funeral] I suppose this is proper, all these big cars and chauffeurs. Black shiny cars. Seems dopey for a guy like that. Well, I guess that's what they do. People get symbolic over death. They get very formal, and it's really ridiculous. Because it's probably the most humiliating thing in the world. But I feel very relaxed. People die of tensions. That's all they die of, Gus. That's the truth. Did you know that? I know it, and it's something I'm never gonna forget.

Gus Demetri:
Don't believe truth. Just don't believe truth. Archie, I'm telling you, don't believe truth.

Archie Black:
That is the truth now. You see, the truth will never kill you. Lies will. Not cigarettes, not alcohol. Lies, Gus. Lies and tensions. That'll kill you. That'll kill you before cancer in the heart. Did you know that?

Harry:
Gus, Archie, look what I did to that phone booth. I kicked the hell out of it. Yeah. Like I've been telling my wife for years. Aside from sex, and she's very good at it, God damn it, I like you guys better. I really do. Now, who the hell else could put up with me, huh? I'm a jerk, I know it. So, let's go home and get it over with.

Gus Demetri:
[Waiting while Harry is at home taking a shower] That's the difference between him and us.

Archie Black:
If my wife opens her mouth to me about anything, I finish that fast. I walk in there...

Gus Demetri:
You're right.

Archie Black:
I know I'm right. And I spell it out. And that's what you have to do.

Gus Demetri:
Right. That's what you have to do.

Archie Black:
I'm not going to shower for her. If I want to stink, I'll stink. That's my privilege, and I'm not showering for him. [pointing at Harry's home]

Gus Demetri:
Right.

Archie Black:
I wouldn't shower for you.

Gus Demetri:
Don't.

Archie Black:
I'm not going to shave, either.

Gus Demetri:
Don't shave.

Archie Black:
If I want to be dirty, I'll be dirty.

Gus Demetri:
Look, if you want to be dirty, you be dirty. You go ahead and be dirty.

Archie Black:
You have to be free. You have to be an individual.

Archie Black:
Well, I'd be a professional athlete because they really put out. And they got no excuses, and they feel good, and they get sweaty. You know, you have a beer, and you're with guys you like.

Gus Demetri:
I was gonna be a basketball player. I had all the moves. I was quick enough. Too short.

Archie Black:
I love baseball. I love golf. I love pool. I love track. I love Ping-Pong. I love volleyball. I love badminton. What else is there?

Gus Demetri:
Football.

Archie Black:
Lacrosse! Now there's a hell of a game!

Harry:
Like I've been telling my wife for years. Aside from sex, and she's very good a it, God damn it; I like you guys better.