Ice Age: Collision Course

Manny:
[from trailer] [when Crash and Eddie keeps drumming all the time] Do you mind?

Eddie:
FUNSUCKER!

Buck:
[from trailer] Oh, hello mammals!

Sid:
[from trailer] Sound like it's slowing down. Yep! It's definitely over! [he is hit by a meteor] Except for that one...

Sid:
[proposes to a purple female sloth named Francine] I need to ask you something. Will you marry...?

Francine:
Sid, I'm going to stop you right there. I'm breaking up with you!

Sid:
[gasps] WHAT?! But I planned our future! Our wedding, [the camera pans over to a wedding service with empty seats] Our kids, [then shows their "kids" that are made of melons and mud sculptures] "Mommy!" ...Our burial plots...

Beaver:
[digs up two holes for their burials] How you doin'?

Sid:
I even hired a band! [Sid's Mariachi Band rise up instrumental notes] No, no! Not yet!

Francine:
Are you crazy? We've only had one date. It lasted 14 minutes!

Sid:
Yes. But it felt like 20. [shows her a ring in his sea shell]

Francine:
Ugh! I can't! A ring? I mean I like the ring, but no. I can't, you're too clingy.

Sid:
[zoom out to show Francine piggybacking Sid on her back] How is this clingy?

Francine:
[takes off Sid off of her back] And by the way, you look nothing like your profile picture. [walking away and muttering to herself] Francine, you gotta start dating outside of your species...

Sid:
We can work this out! Is this because of the bikini? [gets a leaf thrown at his face]

[Meteorites explode like fireworks, seemingly making Manny and Ellie's anniversary go better]

Manny and Sid:
[to each other] Nice save with the light show. Wait, you didn't do this? Then who did?

Ellie:
Oh, Manny... I was so afraid you'd forgotten, but you lit up the sky for me? How'd you do it?

Manny:
Uh, well... a magician never reveals his secrets.

Ellie:
Aw... thank you.

Diego:
[watching some kids playing while eating some berries] I keep picturing our own kid in there, he'd be the best one.

Shira:
I think you meant "she".

Diego:
He.

Shira:
Either way, we've been over this Diego. Kids are afraid of us.

Diego:
Yeah, but why?

Start:
[a young start and aardvark see Diego and Shira and mistake the grape juice on their mouths for blood] Are they gonna eat us?

Shira and Diego:
Hi kids.

Start and Aardvark:
[as frightened now, they both run off] Ahhh! AAAHH!

[Beat]

Shira:
I even smiled this time.

Macrauchenia:
Meteor shower!

Eddie:
Meteor?

Crash:
[sniffs his arm pit] Shower?!

Sid:
Hey, it sounds like it's slowing down. Yep! It's definitely over! [gets hit by a meteor; Ellie turns him, his nipples glowing a bright red] Except for that one...

Manny:
[a cave-in occurs, everything in dark] We might wanna think about moving underground for a while.

[In Buck's home, three dino-birds are fighting over a Mother Triceratops and stealing her egg]

Buck:
? Figaro! Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, FIGAROOOO!!! ? [Buck is taking a shower] With you in a minute. I'll have to uh...rinse and repeat.

Gavin:
[groans] That weasel is such a buzzkill. Let's go, kids.

[Buck is done having the shower]

Buck:
[to the Mother Triceratops] Don't worry, ma'am. I'll catch the crew that poached your egg. [drinks the milk from a coconut, and throws it away] It's a pun! I'm winking under the eye patch. [jumps off a cliff] ? A mother is crying, a damsel in distress ?, [lands on Roger] ? Foreboding intruders have made such a mess. ? [plucks one of Roger's feathers] ? What I detect is a lack of respect, For all that is precious and dear! ? [Roger bites his tail, and screams in pain] ? I am the pint-sized protector of this lost world. ? ? But my friends call me Buck. ? [Gavin bites the cliff, instead of Buck] Well played, guys! ? I have a message, "Bullies not welcome..." [gets Rudy's Tooth] "...Return what you've stolen. Go back where you came from." La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la ? ? You know I'm greater, So don't be a hater. You may be Jurassic, But I am fantastic! ? [echoing from a cave] ? Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro! ? Oh, love that bit! [Gavin growls] ? Running, and Climbing, and Spinning, and Grinning, and Ducking, and Diving, and Dodging, and Sliding, and Gliding, and Staying alive, And these are the few of the things that I do before lunch! ? Death defying! Danger denying! [jumps off a cave's cliff] Look I'm flying! ? You might think I'm mad, but hey, you only live once! No need to thank me, but if you insist, I won't resist. ? Who smells like fish?! Hold on to your butts! [The Dino-Birds sniff their butts] ? Class Diiiiiisss... [The Dino-Birds tries to fly away, but boulders land on them] ...Miiiiiisssssed! ? [catches his drink and sips it] Ah... Good egg!

Buck:
Oh, right on the spleen! Utterly useless, but totally hurts.

Diego:
Hey, Buck! Welcome back, buddy.

Shira:
Wait, this half-a-snack is a dinosaur whisperer?

Buck:
And expert salsa dancer. [scats] I have one eye, but all my original teeth. Would you like to count them? [shows his teeth]

Shira:
No thank you.

Buck:
And this must be... Nectarine?

Peaches:
Um, Peaches.

Buck:
Semantics my dear. I am deeply honored.

Julian:
Sweet eye-patch. Very gangster.

Buck:
Thank you! [to Peaches] I like this kid.

[Crash and Eddie keep drumming all the time, Manny takes the drum sticks away]

Manny:
Do you mind?

Crash:
Boy, he really sucks the fun out of everything. Doesn't he?

Eddie:
FUNSUCKER!

Buck:
No worries, because I've got a plan.

Manny:
Really, to stop an asteroid?

Buck:
[shows the tablets on the prophecy] Look, the last two asteroids have pummeled the earth in the same spot, and it's about to happen again. We've got to go there and see what's attracting the asteroid. Once we know why it's coming, we can figure out how to send it somewhere else.

Granny:
That plan is so dumb, I wish it had a face so I could smack it.

Manny:
Let me get this straight - instead of running away from a deadly asteroid... you want us to run directly towards it.

Buck:
I know it sounds suboptimal. But the good news is, it'll kill us no matter where we went!

Diego:
Well, that's reassuring.

Manny:
Okay. Even if we get to the crash site, how are we supposed to change what is literally written in stone?

Buck:
Ah, my cynical friend, the dinos were wiped off the face of the Earth, but some escaped. They changed their fate and we can change ours, too! Who's with me?! [the Herd all look at each other, then quickly huddle in]

Manny:
So what do you think?

Ellie:
Honestly, I'm worried the weasel's right.

Buck:
[dressed up with a leaf hat, nicking a lady's voice] No, don't listen to the weasel. He's a raving loon! [everyone just stares at Buck severely, and he laughs] Sorry, I just love playing devil's advocate. And looking fabulous!! [swoops away while waving his bottom]

Diego:
Well, Buck has saved our lives before, right?

Shira:
But what if he can't this time?

Peaches:
I don't know what to believe, but I'm afraid our lives will be over before they begin.

[They break up]

Manny:
[Buck cuts out the prophecy for the journey] Okay...I guess we're in.

Crash and Eddie:
[salute] Crash and Eddie reporting for duty!

Eddie:
Haha! "Duty". [he and Crash laugh]

Buck:
Excellent!

[Ellie and Manny walking behind Peaches and Julian]

Manny:
[scoffs] Look at him. [Manny sees Julian walking funny] Who walks like that? [mocking Julian] "Oh, look at me." "I'm Julian." "Forget the asteroid and give me a hug, bro dad." [interruptingly coughing] Look at that pretty bird over there. [shows Julian a dead vulture sitting on a branch which it squawks weakly]

Julian:
Yeah. That is a pretty bird. Good eye, Manny!

Manny:
[laughs nervously] The sky's literally falling and she thinks we're just gonna let her stroll into the wilderness with mister no plan's bouncy walk.

Ellie:
Stop picking on him.

Manny:
Come on, El. You're still mad at me, are you?

Ellie:
No, I'm not still mad. Because that's not how I wanna spend what could be our final days together. But if we somehow survive that planet-killing hunk of space rock, you're in for it.

Manny:
If we survived, we lose our daughter.

Ellie:
Well, I've been thinkin' about that, too. What if–?

Manny:
[interrupts] Oh, I know. We destroy their relationship, right? That way we never have to let her go and she'll just stay our little girl FOREVER! [Laughs evilly]

Ellie:
No, you psychopath. What if we convince them to stay near us?

Manny:
Oh...that's better. I like it. But how?

Ellie:
The way we always get her to do what we want, we make her think it's her idea.

Manny:
You sneaky, sneaky minx. He-he-he.

Ellie:
Let's just hope we haven't lost our touch.

Buck:
[goes upside down in front of Ellie] Found it. Behold, mammals, a sneak preview of the asteroid to come. A space rock: Fresh from the cosmos. [licks the space rock] Hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. A taste iron, a carbon... [gurgles] Oh, and a hint of nickel. Oh, space taste lonely.

Gavin:
We are not retreating! Until that weasel came along, our family made an honest living. Stealing dino eggs.

Roger:
An honest living. Stealing. Kind of ironic, don't you think? Besides, why take out the weasel if the asteroid is just gonna take us out?

Gavin:
So much sight. So much vision. If we stop the weasel and his friends from diverting the asteroid, KABLOOIE! It kills the weasel and everyone else while we glide safely above it all! It'll be our paradise! [the Dino Birds sit in an imaginary throne, Gavin laughs evilly]

Roger:
That's seems highly implausible... [with an audible pop, this all goes back into reality] Just from a scientific standpoint. [Gavin ragingly growls at Roger] Fine. It's a great plan. Dynamite! One of the top 3 or 4

Sid:
[during the electricity storm] Hurry, Granny!

Granny:
Don't you hurry me. I've been struck by lightning more times... [gets zapped by lighting showing that she's like killed]

Sid:
Ahh! GRANNY!!!

Granny:
[struck again and brought back to life] ...Than you've had hot breakfasts!

Manny:
[holds out hockey sticks for Julian] How about a game before bedtime?

Julian:
No way! You want to play a game with me?! WOW! What is honored times 1,000?! No! Times 1,000,000? 'Cause whatever that equals is how honored I am.

Manny:
So, is that a "yes"?

Julian:
Yes, that's a "yes". It's the most "yes"! It's like "yes" with a bunch of s's, so it's like "YESssssssssssssssssSSSAH!".

Manny:
Uh, great. I'll see you on the ice!

[Later]

Manny:
[slides over to Diego] Happy? [Julian loses his balance and tries to hold himself with his hockey stick]

Diego:
[sighs, resigned] Oh, boy...

Geotopian Ox:
[as the Herd enter inside Geotopia, Julian recognizes the ox sliding upside down on a Geotopian lever] WHOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOO!

Julian:
[amazed] Yeah! CATCHING MAD AIR ON THE HALF-PIPE!

Manny:
This is crazy!

Ellie:
Do you think they know they are living in a magnetic bull's-eye?

Diego:
Doesn't look like a lot of doomsday prepping going on in here.

Brooke:
[making introductions to Sid] Well, hello handsome. I am Brooke. [she starts to massage Sid's jaw and cheeks] Ohhhh. Such exquisite bone structure. Such a strong jaw. I'm getting butterflies!

Manny:
[embarrassed] I'm getting nauseous...

Brooke:
Here he is - the master of meditation, the supreme sovereign, the four times heavy thoughts champion of the world... (The Shangri Llama!!)

[Shangri Llama spits into a bowl which a Geotopia Aardvark holds]

Granny:
Is that a llama?! I hate llamas! They spit and smell!

Diego:
So does she.

Crash and Eddie:
So do we! Ha! [the duo hi-five and laugh]

Diego:
This is the guy who's gonna save us?

Shangri Llama:
Yes, but first... downward dog! [Manny, Sid, and Diego do the downward dog pose] Caterpillar! [Shangri Llama cracks Diego's spine, then flips him, posing as Lotus position] Oh, you are storing a lot of hostility in your lower spine. Funky Chicken! Jiggy Jelly! Mashed Potato!

Sid:
[doing the Mashed Potato bounce] Hey, this is kind of easy. [crashes, then gets tied up with Granny] Could you help me please? My nose is dangerously close to my butt!

Diego:
Uh... Sid, why do you have 2 tails?

Granny:
I'm in here too!

[Manny and Ellie are seeing Peaches with Julian cuddling on the other side of a Geotopian river]

Ellie:
We did a good job raising her, she's stronger than we know.

Manny:
Two days ago, I'd have given anything to keep her with us. Now I'd give anything just to see her get married... and leave home...

Ellie:
Play with her kids... dance with her husband.

Manny:
Yell at him when he forgets their anniversary.

Ellie:
It was a good one, wasn't it? Our life? You, me... and Peaches?

Manny:
[embraces Ellie] The best.

Sid:
[pulls out a crystal out of Geotopian wall for Brooke, which officially destroys Geotopia] Whoopsies...!

Shangri Llama:
No, no, no! Oaf! Simpleton! Nincompoop!

Sid:
You talking to her (Brooke) or me?

Shangri Llama:
That wall was the one thing... keeping us young, now we're all doomed! DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!! And now I think I have a fever. Thank you so much, doofus!

Brooke:
Hey, easy there, Llama! This is the doofus of my dreams. He meant well.

Shangri Llama:
[mocking Brooke] Oh, "he meant well." WHO CARES?!

Peaches:
[servery to Julian] So much for serenity.

Shangri Llama:
300 years of peace and harmony... undone by one COLOSSALLY, INCREDIBLY... STUPENDOUSLY STUPID SLOTH!!! [begins to grow old alongside the other Geotopians from the wall breaking, even Brooke]

Sid:
Oh, Brooke!

Granny:
Wow, you guys got old. Whatever we (her and Teddy) had, it's over.

Teddy:
[tears up] That's what happens when you date a cougar.

Sid:
I'm very sorry, Mr. Llama.

Shangri Llama:
[laughs sarcastically] "Sorry." Sorry? [to Sid] Sorry doesn't fix the wall, now does it, you little...? [screams] I need a bubble bath or a massage. Who knows acupuncture? I need to let my anger out! LET IT OUT!! I've been pent up too long. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH...!!! I want to hit something. Someone give me their face.

Brooke:
[whistles to get Shangri Llama's attention] May I remind you Geotopia is not yours to keep.

Shangri Llama:
No you may not!

Brooke:
It came from the sky, and now it's time to give it back.

Shangri Llama:
It's not!

Brooke:
It's too, you old coot. [turns to the other Geotopians] Change isn't easy, but it's part of life. It's time for us to embrace it again, whether you like it...or not.

Shangri Llama:
[singsonging] Not!

Brooke:
Listen Llama, I will go nuts and granola on your butt. So either get on board, or go twist yourself into a pretzel and na-ma-stay out of our way.

Gavin:
[Roger pins down Buck on his back] That's more like it, Roger. Now finish him!

Buck:
No, wait, wait! You don't understand! You see that? If that asteroid hits, we all die.

Gavin:
"If it hits, we all die." [Gavin mocks crying, then laughs evilly] That's where you're wrong. See, while you run for your mammal lives, we'll be high in the sky, cruising above it all.

[Meanwhile, inside Buck's mind...]

Neil:
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! [Pythagorus Buck and Robo Buck nod with reply]

[Back in reality...]

Gavin:
We'll be as safe as those little birdies. [a meteor hits a bird] Lucky shot. [more meteors hit more birds] Very lucky shot? [3 more asteroids hit with an enormous explosion]

Roger:
I knew it! I was right! There's no paradise!

Gertie:
WHAT?!? I'm too young to go extinct! AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! [freaks out]

Buck:
She gets it... now, please! We haven't got much time!

Gavin:
[angry] What are you waiting for?! Kill him! [charges towards Buck]

Roger:
[suddenly blocks his father's way] No, Dad! I won't let you! Do you want to know what I love about our family? That we're alive. There are more important things than your pride right now. If you care about us, you should not kill him. You should help him, Dad!

Gertie:
Pop? I hate to say this, b-but my freaky little brother may be right.

Buck:
As a father, I would work with my worst enemy. To ensure a brighter future for my little one.

Granny:
Folks, I'm outta cake, but I got salami!

Shira:
[to the Geotopians] Faster, faster!

Granny:
[talks fast] I'm outta cake, but I got salami!

Diego:
[takes Granny on his back] Granny, come on!

Granny:
Whoa! WHOA! WHOA!!!

Julian:
[he and Manny are trying to push the last wall of Geotopia from slipping when he comes up with an idea] Mad air on the halfpipe! Manny, I have a plan: We have to let the crystal go!

Manny:
You know we're trying to get it in the volcano, right?

Julian:
Manny, the only thing I want is a life with Peaches. And to prove myself to you. So, okay, 2 things. I want 2 things. Do you really think I'd waste the only chance I have left?

Manny:
Okay. Let's do it!

Julian:
On my count! 1… 2… 3! [they move out of their way so the last wall can block the volcano] Did it work?

Manny:
Yes! I take back everything I ever said about you!

Julian:
Yes! Wait, what? [been interrupted by the erupting volcano]

Manny:
(I'll tell ya later.) Now let's get out of here!

[The crystals don't shoot up until Granny plugs up the last geyser, which then the asteroid then flies off-course and back into space]

Crash and Eddie:
[cheering the asteroid's ejection] Hit the road, you stupid rock! We just stopped the doomsday clock! YEAH! WHOO!

Manny:
[embraces Julian and gives him a noogie] Bring it in, bro-son! Welcome to the family!

[After the asteroid has been pulled off course, the Geotopian elders are now relaxing in a hot tub; Brooke speaks to Sid]

Sid:
You sure you can't come with us?

Brooke:
Oh, Sidney, I wish I could, but we both know this is for the best. You've got your whole life in front of you. Besides… I'll have Granny to keep me company.

Sid:
You're staying to?!

Granny:
Are you kiddin'? This place is GREAT! Tonight's the big talent show, and tomorrow, "Naked Bingo"!

Teddy:
[calling to Granny] You comin', Gladys?! I ain't getting any younger. Whoo!

Gladys:
What? I can't hear you!

Teddy:
What?! I can't hear you.

Gladys:
What?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!

Brooke:
[turns to Sid and gives him a rock slab with a sketch of herself] You'll always be my one true love. Here.

Sid:
[takes the slab from her hands] Woah. Hold on! [takes a different slab and draws himself to show Brooke it]

Brooke:
It looks just like you.

Sid:
Now we'll be with each other forever!

Teddy:
What you need is more fiber.

Geotopia Shovelmouth:
He's right. [a small crystal from the asteroid drops into the tub; it sinks onto the cracked spot, making bubbles fill up and to make all of them young again]

Shangri Llama:
(Huh?) Oh. (What the–?) Ha! Ha, ha, ha! Shanghai Llama's back on top baby! [touches his beard while the Geotopia beaver returns to normal] Ooh, ahh, mmm.

Teddy:
[his old man beard is gone, and he returns to normal] Gladys?

Granny:
[now becomes young, beautiful and fancy] Well, hello, Teddy Bear!

Teddy:
[looks surprised, his ears make heart-shaped ears] Mmm-hmm.

Granny:
Hot tubbin' just got a whole lot hotter. [Teddy looks at Granny, while the Shangri Llama comes out of the water]

Shangri Llama:
Amazing! It's like some kind of "Fountain of Never Getting Old"! [plants and bushes turn young again] Well, we can workshop the name later. [flowers bloom and turn young again, Brooke also turns young again too, she sighs]

Peaches:
[nervous to marry Julian] I don't know. I don't know! What am I gonna do?

Ellie:
Sweetie, listen to me. This is normal, okay? Everyone gets nervous.

Manny:
What's going on? What happened?

Peaches:
It's just– I can't go! How can I go? I don't wanna leave you guys.

Manny:
Hey, fuzzball. Remember the first time that we played hockey? You were so afraid to get on the ice because it was slippery. Remember how I held you up while you started to skate? And when I knew you were ready, I let you go.

Peaches:
Aw, Dad.

Manny:
I know you're ready, now you have to let go.

Ellie:
I always knew it would take someone very special, to match your spirit, and you found him. Just like I did. It's your time, sweetie. See the world, chase your dreams.

Manny:
And whenever you decide to come back, we'll be here, okay?

Manny:
[as he, Sid, Brooke, and Ellie walk out together] Sid? I never thought I'd say this, but you did a great job on the wedding. I owe you big time, pal.

Sid:
You sure do. [takes out a leaf] Here's my bill.

Manny:
What?

Sid:
Father of the bride pays for the wedding. It's a tradition I just invented.

Manny:
Wait a minute. This is ridiculous. Look what you're charging for flowers!

Sid:
Flowers ain't cheap.

Manny:
No, they're free! We're in a forest! This bill is outrageous!