If I Stay

Mia Hall:
I WANT IT TO BE OVER!

Adam:
Mia?

Mia Hall:
I don't know, when he comes offstage I just wanna... lick the side of his face.

Kim:
Oh... baby.

Kat:
She shouldn't be scared to hang out with those guys, they're us.

Denny:
Exactly.

Mia Hall:
Isn't it amazing how life is one thing and then, in an instant it becomes something else. Like here I am, Mia, the girl who thinks about the cello and Adam, and whether I get a stupid letter or not, and just like that...

Mia Hall:
How come you never written a song about me?

Adam:
I'm not really good at writing about things that make me happy. If you wanna song you're gonna have to like, cheat on me.

Mia Hall:
What do I have to do for a whole album?

Adam:
Come on don't get greedy.

Mia Hall:
You wrote me a song.

Denny:
Ok, this is painful to watch. Look, who knows what time the mail is gonna even be delivered today. Come on you gotta come with us.

Kat:
Come on baby, pretty soon you're gonna be going off to college no matter where you're going. How many snow days are we gonna be able to spend together?

Mia Hall:
Are you guys really using the guilt card right now?

Kat:
We'll let you pick the music.

Mia Hall:
And bribery.

Denny:
Honey, guilt and bribery are the glue that have held parents and teenagers together for generations. Don't fight tradition.

Mia Hall:
Fine.

[first lines]

Mia Hall:
At the age of 26, Ludwig Beethoven went deaf, ending his career as a successful concert pianist. But determined not to let a little thing like his hearing end his music career, my pal Ludwig became a composer. Turned out the new gig suited him. It's like that old saying, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." Take my dad. When my little brother, Teddy, was born, he quit his band to get a real job. But then he fell in love with teaching. Now he spends his days in the mosh pit that is high school English class. Or my mom, a riot girl who found her calling as a part-time travel agent and a full-time supermom. These days she only moshes with Teddy.

Kat:
Schooch over, dude.

Mia Hall:
And then there's me. I thought I knew where I was going. I thought I had it all mapped out. Turns out, I had no idea.

Denny:
Guys play music for two reasons. To get laid, and because they got rage. But mostly to get laid.

Adam:
Your parents seem pretty cool.

Mia Hall:
So they tell me.

Mia Hall:
Why do I get this feeling you're about to mess up my entire life?

Adam:
A little mess never hurt anybody. [kisses her]

Kat:
Babe, are you sure it's a bee?

Adam:
Oh, yeah. We gotta get this stinger out.

Mia Hall:
No, we're not doing that!

Adam:
Trust me, this is the only thing I learned in Boy Scouts. [gently sucks on her hand]

Adam:
Got it. [family applause]

Kat:
Wow.

Willow:
Way hotter than tweezers.

Henry:
Stand down, woman, you're already knocked up.

Adam:
You know, you should get stung more often. I'm sorry to sat that's the furthest we've gotten since our first date.

Mia Hall:
There are two types of people in the world, Kim. Those who like real coffee, and those who like froufrou drinks with ridiculous names.

Kim:
Um, wow. You know, I'm not ashamed to be a cinnamon-spice chai latte lover. Thank you very much.

Mia Hall:
Yeah, well, it kind of smells like Christmas threw up in your mug.

Kim:
Fine by me.

Denny:
Sometimes you make choices in life, and sometimes choices make you.

Mia Hall:
What am I gonna do? I am being completely torn in half.

Kat:
You're going to go to Julliard and play the hell out of your cello. Or, you're not. You're gonna stay with Adam and have lots of amazing adventures. Or you're not. Or maybe tomorrow, the Earth's gonna smash into a meteor, or it's not. Life is this big fat gigantic stinking mess. But that's the beauty of it too. Whatever you do, I support you. Either way, you win. And also either way there's something that you lose. What can I say, baby? True love's a b*tch.

Mia:
did you really learn that bee thing in Boy Scouts?

Adam:
no I totally just wanted to suck your hand in front of all of you friends and family.