If I Were Free

[first lines]

Man Selling French Postcards:
[scene: a Paris street cafe] Des cartes postales, m'sieur? Des cartes postales, sir? [Man seated with lady shoos the vendor away]

Man Selling French Postcards:
[approaching Gordon and Hector's table] Postal cards, m'sier? *Dirty* postcards?

Hector Stribling:
[turning away, disgusted] Uh!

Gordon Evers:
Charming. [taking the cards] Would you like to look at them, Hector?

Hector Stribling:
Certainly not!

Gordon Evers:
How much are they?

Man Selling French Postcards:
Twenty francs.

Gordon Evers:
There you are.

Man Selling French Postcards:
Merci m'sieur. Merci. [Gordon tears up the cards, bows to the vendor, and throws the pieces away]

Hector Stribling:
Why... why on earth did you do that?

Gordon Evers:
Who knows, it may save the soul of some American tourist.

[last lines]

Gordon Evers:
Darling, are you quite sure this isn't heaven?

Sarah Cazenove:
I'm quite sure it is.

Gordon Evers:
What do you think, Hector?

Hector Stribling:
Bless you, my children, but don't deceive yourselves. This not heaven. It's too infernally hot.

[last lines]

Gordon Evers:
Darling, are you quite sure this isn't heaven?

Sarah Cazenove:
I'm quite sure it is.

Gordon Evers:
What do you think, Hector?

Hector Stribling:
Bless you, my children, but don't deceive yourselves. This is not heaven. It's too infernally hot.

Hector Stribling:
You're a queer duck, Gordon. You've a future before you if you'd only follow it up. Those last cases I sent you, you handled brilliantly. And suddenly-this sort of thing. Why don't you come back to London with us tomorrow? I can get you a dozen briefs!

Gordon Evers:
I'm through with London. I may go out to the East again, Doctor says England's too damp for me.

Hector Stribling:
Nonsense. Think of your work.

Gordon Evers:
My dear Hector, I've no intention of spending the rest of my life in an ill-ventilated courtroom waiting for twelve total strangers to make up their minds.

Hector Stribling:
Oh, you'll never succeed at anything with that kind of attitude.

Gordon Evers:
I shall succeed in keeping out of courtrooms.

Hector Stribling:
Are you coming with us tonight or aren't you?

Gordon Evers:
No. [pause] Is it white tie or dinner jacket?

Hector Stribling:
Dinner jacket.

Gordon Evers:
Then I shall come. You see, my valet ran away with my evening dress.

Hector Stribling:
Why not call the police; have the fellow arrested?

Gordon Evers:
Wearing evening dress is punishment enough.