If You Could Only Cook

Jim Buchanan:
Do you think I'm out of my mind?

Jennings:
I'm hoping for the best sir!

Evelyn Fletcher:
[soon to be bride instructing her groom on the ceremony] And then you just keep saying I do.

Roy - Pianist at Wedding Rehearsal:
Until you're done!

Mike Rossini:
I hate to disturb your digestion, but I got to tell you this. Yer cook is in the jug - J-A-I-L - jug!

Joan Hawthorne:
There oughta be a law against parks... and benches... and him!

Joan Hawthorne:
Say... can you buttle?

Jim Buchanan:
Just say I"ve gone fishing - for - fish.

Jennings:
[Talking on the phone] I've just heard from him, Miss. He's fishing. Yes, Miss. Fishing for fish.

Flash:
Tell me? Is that a butler or is that a wiseguy?

Mike Rossini:
The dirty rat, he pulled a fast one on her and left her holding the bag. Poor kid.

Mike Rossini:
Well, how a nice girl like you happened to get hooked up with a mug like that?

Joan Hawthorne:
He isn't a mug.

Mike Rossini:
Well, how he happen to sell you that bill of goods? How you happen to fall for him?

Joan Hawthorne:
The Depression.

Mike Rossini:
You know, I had a hunch you wasn't married. That's why I made a play for you. And I still think you're pretty swell.

Joan Hawthorne:
You make it very difficult for me to stay, sir, unless you treat me like a cook.

Mike Rossini:
Well, I don't want to treat you like a no cook. I want to treat you like you was a, well, like you was a Mrs. Rossini. Yes, I"m a proposing to you. When I make up my mind, I make it up fast.

Joan Hawthorne:
Oh, you really don't mean that Mr. Rossini. I'm afraid your stomach's gotten the better of your heart.

Mike Rossini:
Why should a guy like that pass himself off to me as a butler?

Flash:
Because he's nuts! Or, maybe he wants to be near that tomato. You know some guys do very funny things when there's a lady in the case.

Mike Rossini:
All the time he was fooling around with her, he's going to marry this pain-in-the-neck, heh?

Flash:
Come on, stick 'em up, fancy pants.

Flash:
Relax, Romeo. We're just gonna take you for a little ride.

Flash:
Hello, Cookie. The Chief wants to see you in the living room. Toots sweet!

Evelyn Fletcher:
Well, of all the insane things, with the wedding a week away, he's fishing. Fishing, as long as I've known Jim Buchanan he's never been the slightest bit interested in fish. Why, he doesn't know a swordfish from a trout.

Jim Buchanan:
I'll see you tonight, won't I?

Evelyn Fletcher:
Oh, no. Not tonight.

Jim Buchanan:
Oh, why not? Let's, let's dine somewhere alone and talk.

Evelyn Fletcher:
Talk? About what?

Jim Buchanan:
About nothing. That's the whole idea. Or, maybe just walk in the park, hold hands and swing them.

Evelyn Fletcher:
Don't be boyish.

Jim Buchanan:
Oh, but where's the romance, the glow, the, I don't know, the silly, careless rapture that's supposed to go with the whole darn thing?