Illegally Yours

Richard Dice:
Will somebody just listen for a second! I can't do this!

Judge:
Why not?

Richard Dice:
It's absolutely crucial that I devote every day to my career!

Judge:
Do you have a note from your employer?

Richard Dice:
I could get a note from my mother.

Richard Dice:
I still remember her first words to me. I was 5, she was 11, I walked into the girls bathroom while she was getting undressed. She said "get out of here, you little pervert!" God, she was sophisticated. It took me years to figure out what that meant.

Ruth:
Donald had thrown her out, I'd moved in. She was out for blood!

Molly Gilbert:
Out for blood, YOU tried to run me down, Honey!

Mrs. Evelyn Dice:
I used to worry about my kids if they came home late. Today I saw my eldest son on the news exposed as a common criminal and I felt nothing.

Richard Dice:
Don't you see, mom, I've cracked the case!

Mrs. Evelyn Dice:
You're just plain cracked, Richard!

Ruth:
Sit down!

Mrs. Evelyn Dice:
In my house, I'll sit when I'm good and ready!

Wally Finnegan:
Kids a good target, though. He's gonna go far.

Mrs. Evelyn Dice:
Yeah, but he just might have to get towed the whole way.