Jack the Giant Killer

[first lines]

Narrator:
The legend of Jack the Giant Killer was born over a thousand years ago in Cornwall, England near Land's End. There was a time when the Kingdom of Cornwall lived in fear and trembling of the Black Prince Pendragon - master of witches, giants and hobgoblins - who ravaged the land. But at long last Herla the Wizard drove Pendragon and his witches from the kingdom and exiled them beyond the reaches of the known world. Here on a misty isle, uncharted and unknown, Pendragon schemed and waited for the day when he could return to power in Cornwall. Then, after many years, the day came.

Pendragon:
A pity to shatter your innocent dreams, Princess Elaine, but the throne of Cornwall is to be mine and only you can give it to me.

Chancellor:
It's been years since the giants were banished. Why have they returned?

Garna:
Leaving so soon, Princess? Why, your journey has just begun!

[Jack has just killed the giant]

Princess Elaine:
You've done it! You've killed the giant!

Jack:
It was nothing. I kill a giant every morning before breakfast. Starts my day right.

Pendragon:
I scheme a thousand nights, put the princess in your very hands and you, imbecile, idiot, allow a mere farmer, a mere mortal to defy me!

Garna:
We have failed, master, we have failed.

Pendragon:
But only for a moment. I shall have the princess and the farmer shall die. By all the powers of darkness, he shall die!

[Jack is swarmed by well-wishers after being rewarded with a knighthood]

Princess Elaine:
It's so hot in here. Would you mind escorting me to the terrace?

Jack:
Thank you for rescuing me.

Princess Elaine:
You saved my life, remember?

Herald:
Hail to Sir Jack! Jack the Giant Killer!

The Crowd:
Hail to Sir Jack! Hail to Sir Jack!

Princess Elaine:
I think my rescuer has acquired a new name.

[Jack studies the huge medal King Mark gave to him]

Jack:
I seem to have acquired more than a new name. It is a great honor. I hope I can be worthy of it.

Princess Elaine:
That's my father's way of saying thank you. This is mine.

[Princess Elaine kisses Jack]

Jack:
I shall immediately go out and find another giant to slay.

Princess Elaine:
Before breakfast?

Sailor in Crow's Nest:
Captain, look aloft! Witches! Witches!

Boatswain:
And where would our royal highness wish us to sail?

Jack:
We're going to save the girl!

Boatswain:
His majesty can have this blasted tub as soon as we're safe ashore at Cornwall. As for me, I'll not sail in the wake of those accursed witches.

Pendragon:
Oh Isis, keeper of the magic flame, behold thy shrouded minions, demons of the dark, assembled to prepare before the altar of thy eternal flame a neophyte to serve thee in thy mystic labyrinth.

Pendragon:
You have a choice to make, King Mark - your daughter or your throne. In a week I shall return for your answer.

[while treading water in the ocean, Jack and Peter see a boat]

Jack:
Ahoy on board!

Peter:
Help!

Jack:
Ahoy!

Peter:
Help!

Sigurd:
Strange fish in the sea today.

Pendragon:
Welcome to Castle Pendragon.

Jack:
I had a sample of your welcome outside.

Pendragon:
I must compliment you on your valor, young man. First you vanquish Cormoran, my giant, then you found your way to this island - a feat in itself. Just now you lashed out and destroyed my dragon men with your magic whip - a stroke of genius! A real tragedy to have come so far only to suffer failure.

Pendragon:
If you take one step towards me, horns will sprout from your head. A second step and you will develop cloven hooves and walk on all fours. A third step and the transformation will be complete - you will have become a black ram. So, you see...

Diablotin:
Your sword can be an antidote to growing a cashmere coat. Hold it 'fore you as you go, hilt above and point below.

Diablotin:
For you, Elaine, some sound advice. Opportunity knocks, but never twice. So if it's happiness you'd woo, marry Jack, he's the lad for you.

[last lines]

Peter:
She doesn't answer the helm very well.

Sigurd:
She will do to get us back to England.

Jack:
To England... and home.

Boatswain:
This voyage is accursed.

Sailor:
It's the work of the devil.

Boatswain:
It's the devil himself.

Scottish Captain:
Devil or witch, or whatever you are, you may have the wind on me now, but you'll not scuttle my ship!

Jack:
Listen you men, sail for England and you'll all swing from the gallows. Elaine is the royal princess of Cornwall!

Boatswain:
Aye, and I'm the Caliph of Baghdad.

Jack:
How do I know I can trust you?

Pendragon:
[held at swordpoint] Aren't we rather forced to trust each other?

Peter:
A little toy man.

Diablotin:
Insultin' a leprechaun? A toy, you say? Oh, for that there'll be the debil to pay!

Pendragon:
I'm afraid you were not sufficiently impressed on your first visit. I'll give you a new demonstration of my powers.

Diablotin:
Faith! And after a thousand years, at least an honest man appears.