Jake's Progress

Jake Diadoni:
Play wi' me, Daddy!

Kate Eliot:
Play with me now, Daddy!

Alex Halliwell:
You are Universally HATED, Grace! Loathed and despised by anyone who crosses your path. And none more so, in the end, than by me! I should have married Betty Montgomery! [Dies of a cardiac arrest]

Jake Diadoni:
Does My Friend Flicker die at the end?

Jamie Diadoni:
Jake, everybody dies at the end.

Jake Diadoni:
[Hides under covers] Don't WANT to die! I want everyone else to die! Everyone else 'cept me and me Daddy!

Julie Diadoni:
I can't BE like you, Jamie! I just love you, you shitehook!

Monica:
Just before you die you'll have an affair.

Blue Eyes:
[to self] Ooh, play with me, Daddy!

Monica:
And this is your Mining Play?

Playwright:
No, this is the one about Anal Penetration among Ethnic Minorities.

Monica:
How deeply fascinating...

Jamie Diadoni:
Is it true? Are you as miserable as I am?

Jamie Diadoni:
If you're in trouble, if you're in doubt; the Cisco Kid will help you out.

Grace Halliwell:
He was not a homosexual! He just loved his mother.

Kate Eliot:
What's he like, the Italian?

Mr. Eliot:
He's Married. That's what he's like.

Jake Diadoni:
The Cisco Kid didn't come, Daddy.

Jamie Diadoni:
Don't get caught, Jake.

Monica:
I hate bloody writers!

Monica:
You've been bang at it with the juvenile lead since the read-through!

Monica:
A two-week run at the Edinburgh Fringe in a Space the size of a TOILET, and you think you're bloody *Chekov!*

Monica:
Who do you think I am? What do you think I do with my life? I'll tell you what I do, I work for a living, I teach a bunch of masturbators English Literature - who think A Room with a View is a Chalet at Butlins and that a Gingerman is a biscuit - and I feed and clothe my children. Ha! My children! Have you seen my children? Have you? And I put on plays in Town Halls that nobody comes to see. And I put on plays in Town Halls that nobody comes to see in the faint hope that I will meet someone who might find me desirable and give me a damn good seeing-to!

Playwright:
I don't have to take this! I have CONTACTS at the Royal Shakespeare Company!

Mr. Eliot:
All I ever wanted was that land!

Kate Eliot:
What a shame you never wanted something more. Like the love of a good family. Because when he'd finished with her, he started on me. And I don't think he'd finished with her, actually.

Julie Diadoni:
At least someone knows we're here. Welcome to Nursing.

Julie Diadoni:
But he mixes, doesn't he?

Headmistress:
Well, he doesn't sit all alone in the corner and cry!

Julie Diadoni:
You never once found the joke funny. So I decided it wasn't a joke.

Monica:
And I read palms at parties because when I was young and impressionable I read a BOOK on how to read palms and impress people.

Jamie Diadoni:
But the Good don't die Young. The Young die Good.

Monica:
Who do you think I am? What do you think I do with my life? Well, I'll tell you what I do with my life; I go to work, I feed my children. My children! Have you seen my children? HAVE YOU? I teach English Literature to a bunch of chronic masturbaters who think a Gingerman is a biscuit! And I put on plays in Church Halls that nobody comes to see. And the reason I put on plays in Church Halls that nobody comes to see is in the forlorn hope that somebody will find me desirable and give me a good seeing to!