Jane

Jane:
[startled, having just gotten out of the bath] Colonel, what are you doing here?

Col. Henry:
Must see you, Jane.

Jane:
Well at the moment I think you're seeing rather too much of me.

Col. Henry:
Ah, I take your point. A bit... inconvenient, what?

Col. Henry:
Can you type?

Jane:
Only with one finger.

Col. Henry:
Good. What about taking things down? [Jane looks perplexed] Shorthand I mean. Oh, never mind, I'll speak slowly.

Col. Henry:
Oh, eh, by the way: our chaps in Germany have send word that Nazi agents are already on their way. We'll have to keep our eyes open, Jane.

Jane:
[half undressed for bed] Well at the moment I'd like to get mine shut.

Jane:
What? Ah, yes.

Jane:
I'll show that languid Lola I'm not stupid.

Chemist:
Oh, watch out for Georgie Porgie.

Jane:
Who?

Chemist:
A young lieutenant. Been going round the village, kissing all the girls. Now that's the kind of warwork I'd enjoy...

Jane:
Thanks for the warning.

Jane:
You may be a scarecrow, sir, but you have the manners of a gentleman.

Georgie Porgie:
Colonel, I've found my girl at last.

Col. Henry:
What?

Georgie Porgie:
Jane is the spy I've been looking for.

Col. Henry:
Jane a spy? Nonsense my boy.

Georgie Porgie:
Colonel, I got it from her own lips.

Col. Henry:
Perhaps I'd better just... double check.

Jane:
Colonel, I'm not going to be kissed to death.

Prof. Donner:
All this has been most setting up.

Lola Pagola:
Upsetting.

Prof. Donner:
Yes. I will take a walk along the cliffs to make mein head empty.

Lola Pagola:
Clear!

Prof. Donner:
I was just going.

Georgie Porgie:
Oh I say these handcuffs must be damned embarassing for you. Sorry.

Jane:
Why don't I put my hand in your pocket, then nobody would see.

Georgie Porgie:
Good idea.

Col. Henry:
She's got a gun, Jane!

Jane:
I've got two good British fists.

Jane:
O dear, exit Colonel X.

Col. Henry:
Ah, this elephant gun should knock them off their axis.

Tombs:
Whichever way you turn, there's a Naski.

Jane:
[Fritz is gnawing at the ropes to free Jane] Good boy, that's it. Tugg at them.

Col. Henry:
Times running out, Jane, he'll have to move faster than that if we're to stop those blasted Nazi's from landing.

Colonels Wife:
Oh, quiet, Henry. The dog's doing a damned sight better than you are.

Smith:
What does this codebook look like?

Lola Pagola:
Dolt! It will have 'codebook' written on it, won't it?

Col. Henry:
[to Lola] Quiet woman, or I'll turn my wife on you.

Jane:
And that would really straighten out your swastika.

Lola Pagola:
Admit it, Colonel, you have played the game and lost. Now, if you would kindly give me the gun.

Jane:
[aiming her pistol at Lola] Oh no you don't, you just keep on Heiling Hitler, with both hands, if you please.

Tombs:
Ah, evening, Miss Jane. I've been looking for you all evening.

Jane:
[Jane is lying on some rubble after a bomb exploded with her underwear exposed] Tombs! This is not time to be out sightseeing.

Tombs:
No. You'd better get up from that posstion, Miss Jane, otherwise you'll catch a cold in your axis.

Jane:
[looking at the her rather downtrodden mode of transport] Oh no. 'Maid of Pligh'. It probably is...

Jane:
Have you seen a naval commander?

Casper Cutler:
Questions, questions, why does everybody ask me questions? Are you a passenger?

Jane:
Is that a question?

Casper Cutler:
There you go again!

Jane:
My name is Jane. I'm looking for this Naval Commander and his manservant Tombs. Are you satisfied now?

Casper Cutler:
No I'm not. They told me I'd be the only passenger.

Jane:
[surprised] That's what they told us.

Casper Cutler:
Ridiculous. How can three of you be an only passenger?

Commander L:
[under attack from a German bomber] We've been hit!

Jane:
Below the belt. And I'm not taking it lying down. [makes for the gun station]

Commander L:
Confounded Dago's. why can't they speak English like everyone else? You realise we could be stuck in this pokey for months, Jane?

Jane:
Then we'll just have to break out.

Commander L:
How?

Jane:
There must be some way. I mean Cagney and Edward G do it every week.

Freddy:
[Jane accidentally drops the curtain with which she had been covering her breasts] I say, blown your cover, what?

Commander L:
I say, aren't you Lola Pagola?

Pola Pagola:
Me? No, no, I am Pola Pagola. Lola Pagola is my sister. She is in Germany at the moment.

Commander L:
Really? Oh I see.

Pola Pagola:
We are frequently mistaken for one another.

Freddy:
There's not here. Damned untidy, these boffins.

Commander L:
Don't be an idiot, Freddy, there's been a fight. Somebody's snatched the professor!

Commander L:
Follow that laundry van!

Commander L:
[a large Arab is swining a sword at the Colonel and Jane] Do you think I ought to tell him we're British?

Jane:
I think he's guessed.

Commander L:
What's the Arabic for fair play?

Jane:
Commander, I can smell Egyptian cigarettes.

Commander L:
Not surprising, as we're in Egypt.

Pola Pagola:
Imbiciles! Can you do nothing right?

Casper Cutler:
How was I to know he was going to throw the soap on the floor? And I was going to stab him so beautifully...

Jane:
I expect you're wondering where I came from, professor?

Professor Crankshaft:
Hea... heaven?

Jane:
London, actually.

Tombs:
Excuse me, sir, but how does that dog smell?

Commander L:
Well now you come to mention it, heh, pretty awful

[caption above Fritz' head:
I don't believe it!]

Tombs:
No, no, no, I don't mean that, I mean, uh... how is he on a scent.

Commander L:
Ascent?

Tombs:
Yes.

Commander L:
You mean you wanted to climb something?

Georgie Porgie:
No, not ascent, sir, a scent. Could he follow Jane's scent?

Tombs:
Yes.

Commander L:
Ah, I see what you mean, oh, what a damned clever idea of yours, Georgie.

Tombs:
Typical.

Pola Pagola:
Is she safely tied up?

Casper Cutler:
Yes of course she is. It's so cold in those dungeons.

Pola Pagola:
Then drink some coffee and keep quiet!

Professor Crankshaft:
Jane, I just know, Miss Jane, that they're going to torture me. I mean, they always do, don't they?

Jane:
No, not always.

Professor Crankshaft:
[hopeful] Oh.

Jane:
Sometimes they simply shoot you.

Professor Crankshaft:
[losing all hope] Oh...

Jane:
Only joking.

Professor Crankshaft:
[relaxes a bit] Ohohoh.

Casper Cutler:
They kicked me and took my beautiful knife.

Pola Pagola:
Just as well. Otherwise, I would have slit your throat.

Pola Pagola:
You there, come out of the water.

Jane:
Only if everyone closes their eyes.

Soldier:
[Jane is pointing a bamboo stick at Pola, who think's its a rifle] Alright miss, you won't need that bit of bamboo now.

Pola Pagola:
Bamboo?

Pola Pagola:
Pola, you let them trick us!

Commander L:
That's right, thoroughly bamboozled. Oh, that's rather clever, what? Bamboozled!

[laughs]

Professor Crankshaft:
Hello, who's the gorgeous filly with Crankshaft? Oh, Jane! Damnit, I didn't recognize you with your frock on.

Professor Crankshaft:
I discovered that Egyptian camel dung. Dung, Commander, dung.

[laughs]

Professor Crankshaft:
creates a most volitile methane gas. A simple conversion and all our aircraft could fly on it.

Jane:
[holding her nose] So you mean, even if Adolph's brigade does cuts off our supply of oil...

Georgie Porgie:
...Our planes can keep on flying.

Casper Cutler:
You know, I'm not cut out for this spying business. I'm a simple assassin at heart.

Pola Pagola:
Happy landing, poopsies!

Churchil:
I rather think we've come to the end of the yarn, commander.