Journey: A Journey to the Heart of the Journey

Aaron, Ben:
[singing] Walking and hiking and fishing and fighting to keep our survival without nature's reprisal over 80 whole mi-eles and woah... no human's ever done that before.

Narrator:
Yes, how long would it take for two bungling idiots to walk 80 miles on foot? Could they do it? What would they need? Who would they need?

Ben:
Well, we need matches.

Aaron:
And rations.

Ben:
And bedrolls for sleeping. But no tents. It wouldn't be true to the... natural nature of this event.

Aaron:
And if - God forbid - we need to stay in an inn one night, we should only be able to use gold to barter for a room.

Ben:
Like in the old days when people used to walk journeys like this.

Aaron:
I'll get some of my fillings melted - and it needs to be called an inn! No hotel or motel bullshit.

Derek:
This is our neighborhood, roughnecks!

Ben:
Oh my God! Where did Mrs. Prowant drop us off?

Aaron:
We were so busy talking I didn't even realize. We're in Little Third World.

Derek:
Now you aint talkin' nonsense! And we own this street, Kangarooneck! You wanna shift this Butteye's pockets, you betta be with my gang or pushin up daisies! Bada-bip, badda-beep!

Derek:
[singing] I was born into this country wrongways. Daddy took a boat from the immigrant shores! He had this knife and a knocked-up wife - Without enough change to abort! I grew up subleasing from a rat In a cardboard mailing tube. To make ends meat, I had to beat College boys just like you!

Aaron:
We could hunt. Jerky. Or *bring* jerky if the hunting was bad.

Ben:
Are we bringing guns?

Derek:
Of course! What if that dingothroat Vinny Totuga comes creepin' around?

Ben:
We're going to be in the wilderness. Not a city.

Aaron:
Why are we bringing him again?

Aaron:
We leave first thing in the morning.

Ben:
Hey, where's Derek?

Aaron:
Oh he's over there. He got all tuckered out after he killed your dog.

Ben:
Shouldn't ah-named him bear.

Aaron:
Didn't you bring any maps of the uncharted - oh, wait.

Ben:
Right.

Ben:
Holy sh*t! Is that Vinny Totuga?

Ben:
I can't go on. I'm weak from hunger...

Aaron:
Oh, but Ben! There's jerky rations abound in that city!

Ben:
I'm weak from hunger... to death.

Aaron:
[singing] What about home? And what about your future?

Ben:
[singing] What about... woaah-ah-ooaah -

Aaron:
[singing] Why are we here?

Aaron, Ben:
[singing] This has brought us together. Think of all we've had to weather - In the wilderness! Walking and hiking and fishing and fighting to keep our survival without nature's reprisal -

Aaron:
No! You, you, [singing] you just graduated -

Ben:
[singing] We don't go to the same college -

Aaron:
I'll transfer! [singing] I'm comfortable calling you... friend.

Narrator:
They pressed on, but little did they know that this would be the last leg of their journey. And finally, everything was going to be all right.