Kaboom

Stella:
Nice hat, by the way. Are we in Paris?

Stella:
You meet some guy on a nude beach and after five minutes later you're downloading his hard drive in the back of a van? You're a slut.

Stella:
So, anyways, the party tonight...

[Smith groans]

Stella:
You're going. Lorelei, this hot girl from my Emotion Painting class, invited me.

Smith:
Lorelei? As in legendary siren luring helpless sailors to their doom?

Stella:
Yeah, I know. She's gorge and I need a wingman, so you're drafted.

Smith:
So that you can hook up and ditch me after five seconds.

Stella:
Basically.

Stella:
The guy sounds like a f***ing asstard.

Smith:
I'm not sure how straight Thor really is.

Stella:
You just said he was putting a load in some pinhead's dryer last night.

Smith:
Yeah, but doing it with women doesn't necessarily make him straight. Case in point.

Stella:
The fact that you randomly sometimes stick it in a girl does not mean anything beyond you need to monitor your drinking.

Stella:
Smith, college is just an intermission between high school and the rest of your life. It's four years of having sex, making stupid mistakes, and experiencing stuff. It's a pit stop, not the second coming of the Messiah.

Smith:
And what do you make of him, uh, trying to blow himself this afternoon?

Stella:
He likes having his sword swallowed. Not exactly a revelation.

Stella:
Next to putting a dick in your mouth with Lady Gaga playing in the background, that's about as gay as it gets.

Smith:
It's always the same dream. I'm wandering, naked, in this strange maze of hallways, and I feel this creeping sense of impending doom, like something terrible's about to happen. I pass my roommate, my mom, my best friend Stella - basically every significant person in my life - and they're all just staring at me like I'm some kind of museum display behind glass. Then I see two people I've never met before - a mysterious, unearthly, beautiful woman, and this red-haired girl, and they both seem to be leading me deeper into the corridor. This is when I notice the black door. And I'm not sure why, but somehow I know that I've got to find out what's behind it. So I grab hold of the knob, open the door and discover... a dumpster.

Thor:
I've been reading on the Internet that if you do these flexibility exercises twice a day, you'll be able to give yourself a blowj*b in three weeks. I'll e-mail you the link.

London:
What kind of guy are you? If I didn't just have your dick inside of me, I'd swear you didn't have one.

Smith:
You got something better to do?

Stella:
Uh, sucking a fart out of a dead seagull's ass?

London:
Well, I'm stressed about this exam I have on Monday and I was thinking I could use a really good orgasm.

Smith:
Sure you can't stay a little bit longer?

London:
Now, is that you or Smith Junior talking?

London:
Straight guys are gayer than gay guys. The fact they're in love and can't suck each other's d*cks makes them act queerer than Clay Aiken.

London:
You joking?

Rex:
Sorry.

London:
I've had pelvic exams that last longer than that.

Smith:
So, are you worried?

Stella:
Does Mel Gibson hate Jews?

Stella:
Happy birthday, monkey-spanker.