Kate & Leopold

Leopold:
Are you suggesting madam that there exists a law compelling a gentleman to lay hold of canine bowel movements?

Police Officer:
I'm suggesting that you pick the poop up.

Charlie:
Don't you think it's time you told me who you are. I mean, don't get me wrong, doing the Duke thing with you 24/7 is a blast, but really. Who are you?

Leopold:
I'm the man... that loves your sister.

Charlie:
We have a saying in the McKay house: "You shake and shake the ketchup bottle, none will come, and then a lot'll."

Leopold:
I tell you, that thing is a damn hazard!

Kate:
It's just a toaster!

Leopold:
Why is it called a toaster when it produces no toast, but simply warm bread, and inserting it two times produces charcoal? The ideal toaster would have one and a half insertions to produce the correct toast.

Kate:
You know something? Nobody gives a rat's ass that you have to push the toast down twice, and you know why? Because everybody pushes their toast down twice!

Leopold:
Not where I come from!

Kate:
Oh, right. Where you come from, toast is a result of reflection and study!

Kate:
I don't want it to be Sunday. I want more of this, more 1876.

Kate:
What is this?

Darci:
It's a reply to Leopold's invitation. You're going, right?

Kate:
I haven't decided yet.

Darci:
Oh, you haven't decided if you want to have dinner on your rooftop with a duke?

Kate:
Who thinks he's from 1876! No! And I would appreciate it if you...

Darci:
Kate, come on, okay? I don't know what this guy did to piss you off but that is the best apology letter in the history of mankind.

Kate:
I'm not very good with men.

Leopold:
Perhaps you haven't found the right one.

Kate:
Maybe. Or, uh... maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love Santa keeps getting caught in the chimney.

Kate:
I wasted the best years of my life on you.

Stuart:
Those were your best years?

Stuart:
Maybe the reason I was your guy was so I could help you find your guy.

Stuart:
Theoretically, if you go to the past in the future, then your future lies in the past. This is a picture of you in the future - in the past.

Kate:
We make cereal crunchier. We make boring movies shorter. We made Smucker's get the seeds out of their jam. We did that. As far as I'm concerned, we're heroes.

Kate:
So clearly, you must be a man out of time or Sergeant Pepper!

Kate:
Why are you standing?

Leopold:
I am accustomed to stand when a lady leaves the table.

Leopold:
Ah Miss Blaine, you dance like a herd of cattle. You are a rare woman who lights up a room simply by leaving it!

Stuart:
You of all people should understand, you're a scientist. I mean, you invented the elevator.

Leopold:
What is an elevator? What are you talking... Where the hell am I?

Stuart:
I told you, you haven't actually gone anywhere, you're still in New York.

Leopold:
That sir, is not New York!

Kate:
I'm afraid it is!

Leopold:
Is it your habit sir, to simply enter a conversation without introduction?

Leopold:
I warn you scoundrel, I was trained at the King's Academy and schooled in weaponry by the palace guard. You stand no chance. When you run, I shall ride, when you stop, the steel of this strap shall be lodged in your brain.

Kate:
Are you for real?

Leopold:
I believe so.

Stuart:
Women have changed since your time, Leo. They've become dangerous!

Charlie:
You want to vex my sister!

Kate:
Stuart, Can you tell me in short, complete sentences with words using no less than two syllables to explain why I am in these pictures?

Stuart:
No.

Kate:
Try!

Kate:
I'm not the protagonist in a major motion picture.

Kate:
My palm pilot! You still have it.

Stuart:
Kate, it's one in the morning.

Kate:
And clearly, you're awake, so what is the infraction?

Leopold:
Some feel that to court a woman in one's employ is nothing more than a serpentine effort to transform a lady into a whore.

Leopold:
I feel as though we've met on a previous occasion.

Kate:
Well Lionel, seeing as how I've never met any of Stuart's friends, not even sure he has any, I don't think that's possible.

Kate:
It's nothing he just forgot the pointy thing.

Leopold:
I've been warned about you.

Kate:
And what did the amazing disappointment bring?

Kate:
Stuart you can tell me you picked up a transvestite in Times Square.

Kate:
I don't care!

Kate:
You're tucking me in.

Leopold:
Yes.

Kate:
You're my Otis.

Leopold:
Yes, Your Grace.

Roebling:
Behold, rising before you, the greatest erection on the continent... the greatest erection of the age... the greatest erection on the planet!

Kate:
People might think I'm brave, but I'm not.

Leopold:
The brave are simply those with the clearest vision of what is before them - glory and danger alike and notwithstanding, go out to meet it.

Kate:
And... it's a great thing to get what you want. It's a really good thing unless what you thought you wanted wasn't really what you wanted... because what you really wanted you couldn't imagine or you didn't think it was possible but what if someone came along who knew exactly what you wanted without asking they just knew... like they could hear your heart beating or listen to your thoughts and what if they were sure of themselves and they didn't have to take a poll and they loved you... but you hesitated and I... uh... I have to go... I'm sorry but... I have to go!

Uncle Millard:
It has always been your greatest misfortune, nephew, that you so amuse yourself with the sound of your own voice.

Leopold:
The mere fact that I can amuse myself at all is an evolutionary miracle.

Kate:
Sunday is the day before the day I work, so it gets poisoned.

Leopold:
Do you require a chaperone? His intentions are obvious.

Kate:
We're together, and we don't have a chaperone.

Leopold:
Yes, but we are not courting. If I did have affections for you, as a man of honor, I would tell you of them in writing.

Roebling:
Time. Time, it has been proposed, is the fourth dimension. And yet, for mortal man, time has no dimension at all. We are like horses with blinders, seeing only what lies before us. Forever guessing the future and fabricating the past.

Leopold:
Well, let us proceed. Please raise your glasses so we may toast to my bride-to-be, the woman whose welfare and happiness shall be my solemn duty to maintain. The future Duchess of Albany...

Leopold:
Kate McKay. Of the McKays of...?

Kate:
Massapequa.

Leopold:
Massapequa.

Kate:
I love you.

Leopold:
I love you.

Charlie:
Victorian dude, who has never seen a Met's game, watching TV. Scene: "I say, are those little people in that box of phosphors. Crikey, I believe it is. This game is more beguiling than cricket"

Stuart:
It is no more crazy than a dog finding a rainbow. Dogs are colourblind, Gretchen. They don't see colour. Just like we don't see time. We can feel it, we can feel it passing, but we can't see it. It's just like a blur. It's like we're riding in a supersonic train and the world is just blowing by, but imagine if we could stop that train, eh, Gretchen? Imagine if we could stop that train, get out, look around, and see time for what it really is? A universe, a world, a thing as unimaginable as colour to a dog, and as real, as tangible as that chair you're sitting in. Now if we could see it like that, really look at it, then maybe we could see the flaws as well as the form. And that's it; it's that simple. That's all I discovered. I'm just a... a guy who saw a crack in a chair that no one else could see. I'm that dog who saw a rainbow, only none of the other dogs believed me.

Leopold:
As I see it, Patrice has not an inkling of your affections, and it's no wonder. You, Charles, are a merry-andrew.

Charlie:
A what?

Leopold:
Everything plays a farce to you. Women respond to sincerity. No-one wants to be romanced by a buffoon.

Leopold:
[to JJ] By the way, there is no "Andre" in Boheme; it's Rodolfo. And though it takes place in France, it is rarely played in French as it is written in Italian. Goodnight, Kate.

Kate:
I haven't been your girlfriend for a whole month now. You can tell me the truth.

Kate:
You know something? Nobody gives a rat's ass that you have to push the toast down twice! You know why? Because EVERYBODY pushes their toast down twice!