Killer Joe

Chris Smith:
You ever hear of Joe Cooper? He's a cop. A detective, actually. He's got a little business on the side.

Chris Smith:
Joe, listen, we've gotta stop this. My sister never did nothing to nobody, I can't let you have her!

Dottie Smith:
I heard y'all talking about killing mama. I think it's a good idea.

Chris Smith:
Well, there you go.

Killer Joe Cooper:
Tuna casserole! May I serve?

Dottie Smith:
How are you gonna kill my mama?

Killer Joe Cooper:
That's not appropriate dinner conversation, Dottie.

Dottie Smith:
Unless you poison her.

Killer Joe Cooper:
We never discussed the possibility of a retainer.

Chris Smith:
What do you mean? Hey, man, you talking about my sister?

Killer Joe Cooper:
Is that who she is?

Killer Joe Cooper:
If you insult me again, I will cut your face off and wear it over my own. Do you understand?

Killer Joe Cooper:
My payment is 25 thousand dollars, in cash, in advance. No exceptions.

Ansel Smith:
25?

Killer Joe Cooper:
Yes sir.

Ansel Smith:
[to Chris] I thought you said 20.

Chris Smith:
I was told 20.

Killer Joe Cooper:
25. Is that a problem?

Chris Smith:
We don't have a problem with 25. That's not our problem.

Killer Joe Cooper:
What is your problem?

Chris Smith:
We have a problem with the advance.

Killer Joe Cooper:
No exceptions.

Chris Smith:
Sir, let me explain. One of the reasons we're interested in having this done, is my mother holds a very large insurance policy.

Killer Joe Cooper:
They usually do.

Chris Smith:
We thought if we could guarantee payment after the policy had been covered...

Killer Joe Cooper:
Look, this really isn't open for discussion. The conversation is finished.

[Chris goes after him as he leaves]

Killer Joe Cooper:
What did you think this is, Let's Make a Deal? This is serious business you're f***ing with here, boy.

Chris Smith:
I'm aware of that.

Killer Joe Cooper:
No, I don't think you are. I don't take you seriously.

Chris Smith:
This is going to get done, one way or another.

Killer Joe Cooper:
You want me off the job? Just say the word.

Chris Smith:
When are you planning on doing it?

Killer Joe Cooper:
Tonight.

Chris Smith:
Really? So you'd be leaving tomorrow, then?

Killer Joe Cooper:
No, no. The retainer is for the money. I'm not leaving until I get my money.

Chris Smith:
I don't like that.

Killer Joe Cooper:
Well, I don't care.

Chris Smith:
I don't want you near my sister.

Killer Joe Cooper:
I don't care.

Chris Smith:
And if I tell you the deal's off?

Killer Joe Cooper:
I'll leave right now, and you'll never see me again. Your call.

Killer Joe Cooper:
That poor, miserable bastard set his own genitals on fire just to teach his girlfriend a lesson. I guess he showed her. I wonder if she ever got over it.

Dottie Smith:
Was he all right?

Killer Joe Cooper:
No. No, he was not all right. He set his genitals on fire.

Dottie Smith:
Are you gonna kill my mama?

Killer Joe Cooper:
I don't know. Why?

Dottie Smith:
Just curious.

Ansel Smith:
I got him Joe! F***ing kill him!

Killer Joe Cooper:
This is lovely. Now, who would like to say grace?

Dottie Smith:
I'm... getting... ANGRY!

Ansel Smith:
Hey Chris. Why don't you do us all a big favor and just go kill yourself?

Killer Joe Cooper:
I mean all she did was suck his cock and try and steal your money. It could have been worse.

Ansel Smith:
How?

Killer Joe Cooper:
Well... no, I suppose that's about as bad as it gets.

[Joe just broke Sharla's nose and forced her to give fellatio to a chicken drumstick]

Ansel Smith:
Sharla?

Sharla Smith:
Yes.

Ansel Smith:
Are you okay?

Sharla Smith:
Yes, I'm fine Ansel.

Ansel Smith:
Are you sure?

Sharla Smith:
Yes I'm sure.

Ansel Smith:
Okay.

Killer Joe Cooper:
Were you aware of this, Ansel?

Ansel Smith:
I'm never aware.

Killer Joe Cooper:
Now suck this.

Dottie Smith:
Babies.

Dottie Smith:
Your eyes hurt.

Killer Joe Cooper:
I beg your pardon?

Sharla Smith:
You want some chicken? I stopped by the K-Fry-C.

Killer Joe Cooper:
Yes, please.

Sharla Smith:
Help yourself. It's on the stove.

Ansel Smith:
Get it for him, would you hun?

Sharla Smith:
Sure. White or dark?

Killer Joe Cooper:
Leg.

Chris Smith:
Hey, Sharla. Your mascara's running.

Chris Smith:
Hi Digger.

Digger Soames:
How ya been, boy?

Chris Smith:
Pretty good, how about yourself?

Digger Soames:
Oh, fair to middling. Blood pressure.

Chris Smith:
You taking medicine?

Digger Soames:
Yeah, all that. No salt, low stress. Course, Amy keeps making that fried chicken. You know I can't resist it.

Chris Smith:
How is Amy?

Digger Soames:
Well, she's all busted up right at the moment. You remember Dumpling, that old bluetick we had?

Chris Smith:
Yeah, sure, Dumpling.

Digger Soames:
Yeah, well, we had to put him to sleep yesterday morning.

Chris Smith:
Oh, no.

Digger Soames:
Yup. Well, you missed yourself a hell of a party a couple of weeks ago.

Chris Smith:
Sorry I missed your birthday.

Digger Soames:
Well, I'm glad you missed my birthday. I just wish you hadn't missed the party. How many people we have out there at the place, G-Man?

G-Man:
A couple hundred.

Digger Soames:
Oh, hell, it wasn't that many.

G-Man:
150 anyway.

Digger Soames:
No sh*t.

Chris Smith:
Sorry I missed it.

Digger Soames:
Yeah, good old party. Lots of barbeque. Hey, G-Man here, he played the accordion. Hey, wasn't that gal out there? The one that's always sniffing around Chris's sh*t here. What the hell's her name? The one with the great big caboose on her.

Chris Smith:
Arlene?

Digger Soames:
Yeah, Arlene! You'd better look out for her, boy. She may be too much woman for you.

Chris Smith:
Well, she'd better stay away from the barbeque or she'll be too much woman to fit through the door.

Digger Soames:
Haha! Damn, you make me laugh. Hey, listen, I'm just gonna have the boys here kick the sh*t out of you. You'd better pay me my money in a couple of days or I'm gonna wrap you up in electrician tape and bury you in a coffin about 10 feet deep. Huh? I'll tell Amy you asked about her. That'll make her smile.

G-Man:
[G-man and Biker Thug advance towards Chris] He really likes you.

Chris Smith:
Open the door!

Sharla Smith:
[answers door, naked] What?

Chris Smith:
Jesus, put some clothes on! The whole neighborhood can see. Why would you answer the door like that?

Sharla Smith:
I didn't know it was you.

Killer Joe Cooper:
You know I'll kill you.

Chris Smith:
Go f*** yourself.

[Sharla is spraying herself with perfume]

Ansel Smith:
When you're done fumigating the gates of hell...

[repeated line]

Ansel Smith:
What fat kid?

Killer Joe Cooper:
[showing a picture to Sharla] Who's dick is that?