L'essayeuse

[first lines]

Lena:
Oh! What are you doing there? I'm sorry if I kept you waiting.

?tienne:
It had its advantages.

Lena:
Were you there the whole time?

?tienne:
Yes, I stood behind the curtain and watched you.

Lena:
Peeping Tom.

Lena:
Where are we?

M. Andr?:
We've arrived, Madam.

Lena:
Ah. Umm.

M. Andr?:
Impressive, huh?

Lena:
Oh. I've learned not to reveal my true emotions.

M. Andr?:
Me too, Madam.

Lena:
Is that so? [knees Andr? in the groin]

M. Andr?:
[doubled over] Ooh. Ohh. If Madam will permit me, she's a dirty rotten b*tch.

Lena:
[laughing] Thanks. I adore compliments.

Black Servant #1:
Madam said we're to give you a try. Will we have to use force?

Karine:
And what did you think of my welcome?

Lena:
Nothing.

Karine:
Weren't you satisfied?

Lena:
Were only two braves from the tribe available? If you're going to be such an awful b*tch, you should go all the way.

Karine:
You're a sexual athlete. You're perverted and insatiable. I wanted to make sure that you were also a perfect whore.

Lena:
Did I convince you?

Karine:
Oh. Thoroughly.

Lena:
I hate to know there's a woman so unf***ed, that she resorts to peeking for pleasure under cover of respectability... What I want to know is, which one of us is the most disgusting?

Karine:
I believe the man you slept with last night was named ?tienne.

Lena:
Oh, congratulations. You're very well informed.

Karine:
Tell me, do you have any particular feelings towards him?

Lena:
With some men, you only f***. But I made *real* love to ?tienne.

Karine:
You're going to see him again, then?

Lena:
I've said it. I'll repeat it. I made *real* love to him.

Karine:
He's my husband.

Karine:
I want him back. Understand

Lena:
[laughing] Oh, and just how will you go about it? Playing the terrified virgin? Crossing your legs? Refusing to have sex with him? Not letting him feel you, or get a hard-on and f*** you anytime, any place? Bitching because he walked in while you were washing your snatch in the bathroom? Or putting a dose of saltpeter in his tea? Oh no, he's a man who experiences true enjoyment physically as well as mentally. How are you going to try to get him back? By killing his sexual impulses? Huh?

Karine:
No. By paying you.

Lena:
...to forget him.

Karine:
To teach me how I can become a woman like you. I will pay for your experience and your perversity.

Lena:
Ah. In other words, you want to be a normal woman.

Karine:
Yes.

Lena:
Ah. So you want to erase the hypocrisy in your marriage.

Karine:
Right.

Lena:
You want to say, "Sh*t", to your religious education, too.

Karine:
I want to know everything, like you.

Lena:
For the sake of ?tienne?

Karine:
Yes.

M. Andr?:
Jung, be nasty now. Be dirty.

Jung:
I'll scratch your eyes out, bastard.

M. Andr?:
You hate me.

Jung:
I can't stand you. You're sick. You're rotten. You're a masochist weirdo. You're a damn son of a b*tch. You're evil and horrible, ugly and revolting, and when you're dead and maggoty, I'll go sh*t on your grave, and laugh.

Karine:
Can't you stop employing such vulgar language?

Lena:
Why? Are you offended?

Karine:
I'm shocked.

Lena:
In bed, too?

Karine:
In a man's arms I'm silent.

Lena:
How sad for you. That way you miss 80% of the enjoyment... All the words which have to do with sex are like powerful aphrodisiacs for your pleasure. Someone said once, "They are the vehicles of the deepest sort of erotic thought." It's nice, huh? It excites you to sexual heights. Why should you deprive yourself? Are you scared? You're afraid, but of what? Of whom? Your friends' opinion? Those who have the police board up the brothels to frustrate the common man, they're the ones who patronize high-priced, private cathouses. Am I right?

Karine:
Yes, you could be.

Lena:
You know what I think? You are sexually atrophied. Your libido is paralyzed like a cripple in his wheelchair. You make love, sure, but like a machine. For all practical purposes, you're still a virgin.

Karine:
That's enough!

Lena:
No. Your frigid personality will drive you to violence. Karine, when men f***, they're not agressive. A woman who is invigorated by her daily dose of sperm, is sweet, relaxed. She sees the world with confident eyes. But you look at it with bored anxiety. All the millions of women who delight in vomiting on their men are confusing the act of love with mortal sin. What's in a word? [notices waiter returning] A word like "ass", "prick", "balls", or verbs like "to f***", "to blow", "to jack off", "to suck", to name just a few? How can mere words make you feel guilty? Oh, I got here in the nick of time. Don't you worry, dear. Hey, Bib [grabbing the waiter's necktie and pulling him closer] . What do you think of my friend?

Mario - the Waiter:
Cute and classy.

Lena:
[draws him away from the table] You want to ball her?

Karine:
Just what did you say?

Lena:
That you're dying to have him lay you.

Karine:
How dare you?

Lena:
[laughs] And that you were the most expert whore around.

Karine:
You know I'm not.

Lena:
No, but you *will* be.

Lena:
Hello.

Dimitri:
Oh, what a surprise, carissima. It's been absolutely ages.

Lena:
Ah, you remember me.

Dimitri:
Sweetie, I will remember you for all eternity. [kisses her] You're the only woman I'm able to kiss outside of mother. Who's your friend, and won't you introduce us?

Lena:
Karine, one of the girls. Dimitri, one of the boys.

Dimitri:
Oh, you're charming. Perhaps we'll become friends.

Lena:
Today's crowd worthwhile?

Dimitri:
Why absolutely, my dear, we cater to classy ass. Ha ha. The most fantastic, the most sexy cock in town... well, the creme, ha ha. What's wrong with her? Is she s-s-s-so bashful?

Lena:
She's in heat you know.

Dimitri:
No fooling. Is that what keeps her from talking? In my case it's exactly the opposite. I sing! I explode! I want everyone to know. I want to share it with everyone.

Karine:
It's the first time I've ever set foot in such an establishment. That's why I'm somewhat timid.

Dimitri:
How fabulous, she speaks. How marvelous, she's for real. Ha ha. Ah, Dimitri understands. This little slut wants to force you to watch her sexual games.

[last lines]

Karine:
Lena, look. Who invited her?

Lena:
I don't know.

Karine:
Lena!

Lena:
What?

Karine:
I'm afraid.