Lady Bird

Sister Sarah Joan:
You clearly love Sacramento.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
I do?

Sister Sarah Joan:
You write about Sacramento so affectionately and with such care.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
I was just describing it.

Sister Sarah Joan:
Well it comes across as love.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Sure, I guess I pay attention.

Sister Sarah Joan:
Don't you think maybe they are the same thing? Love and attention?

Marion McPherson:
I want you to be the very best version of yourself that you can be.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
What if this is the best version?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Just because something looks ugly doesn't mean that it's morally wrong.

Casey Kelly:
You think dead children aren't morally wrong?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
No. I'm just saying that, if you took up close pictures of my vagina while I was on my period, it would be disturbing but it doesn't make it wrong.

Casey Kelly:
Excuse me?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Listen, if your mother had had the abortion, we wouldn't have to sit through this stupid assembly!

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Hey. [pause] I like your band. With Jonah Ruiz? L'Enfance Nue?

Kyle Scheible:
[in French accent] L'Enfance Nue.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Uh. Well, I saw your Thanksgiving show. My name's Lady Bird.

Kyle Scheible:
It's weird you shake hands.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Yeah. [pause] I'm friends with Jenna and she's always talking about how great your band is so I wanted to check it out.

Kyle Scheible:
Yeah, Jenna's hella tight.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Yeah.

Kyle Scheible:
Maybe I'll see you at the Deuce or something?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Sure, see you at the Deuce.

Miguel McPherson:
Hey, I'm not paying you to flirt.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
[exhales] I wasn't flirting.

Kyle Scheible:
I wish you had been.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Why can't you say I look nice?

Marion McPherson:
I thought you didn't even care what I think.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
I still want you to think I look good.

Marion McPherson:
Okay, I'm sorry. I was telling you the truth, do you want me to lie?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
No, I mean, I just, I wish that you liked me.

Marion McPherson:
Of course I love you.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
But do you like me?

Julie Steffans:
Miss Patty assigned you a role by the way, you just never showed up to claim it.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
What role ?

Julie Steffans:
The Tempest.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
There is no role of the Tempest!

Julie Steffans:
It is the titular role!

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
No! It's a made-up thing so we all can participate.

Julie Steffans:
You can't do anything unless you're the center of attention, can you?

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Yeah, well you know, your mom's tits, they're fake! Totally fake!

Julie Steffans:
She made one bad decision at 19!

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Two bad decisions!

Marion McPherson:
If you're tired, we can sit down.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
I'm not tired.

Marion McPherson:
Oh, okay. I just couldn't tell because you were dragging your feet. [Lady Bird rolls her eyes] Well, I just couldn't tell.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Why didn't you just say "pick up your feet"?

Marion McPherson:
I didn't know if you were tired.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
You're being passive aggressive.

Marion McPherson:
No, I wasn't.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
You are SO INFURIATING!

Marion McPherson:
Please stop yelling.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
I'm not yelling.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
[Marion picks out a pink dress] Oh, it's perfect!

Marion McPherson:
Do you love it?

Danny O'Neill:
Your mom is crazy, I'm scared of her.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
She's not crazy. She just, you know, she has a big heart. She's very warm.

Danny O'Neill:
I don't find your mother warm.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
You don't?

Danny O'Neill:
No. No, she's warm, yeah but she's also kind of scary.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
Well you can't be scary and warm.

Danny O'Neill:
I think you can, your mom is.

Christine 'Lady Bird' McPherson:
You're gay!

Christine 'Lady Bird' Mcpherson:
Different things can be sad... it's not all war!

Christine 'Lady Bird' Mcpherson:
People go by the names their parents give them, but they don't believe in God.

Christine 'Lady Bird' Mcpherson:
I found when it happened that I really like dry humping more.

Christine 'Lady Bird' Mcpherson:
I was on top! Who the f*** is on top their first time!

Christine 'Lady Bird' Mcpherson:
I hate California, I want to go to the east coast. I want to go where culture is like, New York, or Connecticut or New Hampshire.

Christine 'Lady Bird' Mcpherson:
The only thing exciting about 2002 is that it's a palindrome.

Marion Mcpherson:
Money is not life's report card. Being successful doesn't mean anything in and of itself. It just means that you're successful. But that doesn't mean that you're happy.

Larry Mcpherson:
You're not gonna get in a car with a guy that honks, are ya?

Larry Mcpherson:
Hey, I'm like Keith Richards. I'm just happy to be anywhere.

Julie Steffans:
Some people aren't built happy, you know.

Kyle Scheible:
You're gonna have so much unspecial sex in your life.