Lady Magdalene's

The Director:
Some of my best enemies are Jewish.

Angel:
How do I know I can trust you?

Jack Goldwater:
Hey, I work for the IRS. Who doesn't trust the IRS?

Senator Red Kensington:
So let me get this straight, Agent Goldwater. All it took for you to conclude that an Arabic-looking man was an al Qaeda terrorist was that he was carrying a violin case that had already cleared airport security and that he was watching a Tom Clancy movie? And we're not supposed to think that you had racially profiled this innocent performing artist the moment you set eyes on him?

Jack Goldwater:
Senator, my tactical assessment was based on a confluence of factors...

Senator Red Kensington:
But you want me to believe that if another airline passenger carrying a violin case and watching an American movie had been blond and blue-eyed, you would not have profiled him as having smuggled a weapon or a bomb aboard this domestic flight between St. Louis and Las Vegas, and pounced on him as if he'd just walked out of a meeting with Osama bin Laden?

IRS Agent Lewis Heinlein:
I assigned two previous agents to the job I'm giving you. The first agent was a Sunday school teacher and married man. Now his wife is divorcing him... his church fired him... he quit his job here... and the last I heard he joined the Branch Davidians.

Jack Goldwater:
Yikes. And the second agent?

IRS Agent Lewis Heinlein:
I tried a female agent the next time. She came to us from the ATF. She also left the IRS after being given this assignment. Frankly, I don't know what happened to her.

Jack Goldwater:
Sir, where are you sending me? To audit the Scientologists?

IRS Agent Lewis Heinlein:
That would be easy by comparison. I'm sending you to Pahrump.

Nurse Gretchen:
Hi, I'm Nurse Gretchen. I'd love to give you a sponge bath.

Scheherazade:
I'm Scheherazade. Let me tell you of the thousand and second night.

Pixie:
I'm Pixie. Let me sprinkle my magic all over you.

Sinead:
I'm Sinead, and I've broken all the rules.

Eden:
I'm Eden... and I'd love to show you my garden.

Angel:
I'm Angel. Like to try a few falls with me?

Jack Goldwater:
Hi, I'm Jack. I'm from the government... and I'm here to help you.

Ali the American:
I have tickets to see a revival of Cats. I wouldn't want to miss that!