Land of the Lost

[The alien Enik has made a startling discovery about the temporal doorway that has led him and the Marshalls to this world]

Enik:
I cannot leave here. Nothing can leave here, unless an object of equal mass and temporal energy enters.

Will Marshall:
Well, that means we can't leave either, unless three other people come in.

Enik:
Yes, but there is more. You should not be here at all. Your presence here is the source of my problem. Look...

[Enik opens the time doorway onto a view of the Grand Canyon]

Will Marshall:
It's Earth! Enik, if I had a parachute I could jump through!

Enik:
Wait, there is more.

[Next Will sees himself, Rick, and Holly]

Will Marshall:
That's us, on the river!

Enik:
Pay attention now, this is the troubling part.

Will Marshall:
That's the rapids we were on.

[The time doorway replays - via stock footage of the show's title sequence - Rick, Will, and Holly being swallowed into a cavern by a monstrous earthquake, descending down underground rapids, and plunging down a monstrous waterfall - but Will notices an anomoly the audience cannot see]

Will Marshall:
Enik... where's the mist for the doorway?

Enik:
I do not know

[Will now realizes what Enik means by his earlier comments]

Will Marshall:
We... we were all killed. Weren't we.

Enik:
Obviously. You should not be here now.

Will Marshall:
It's funny - I've walked this way hundreds of times and I've never seen this pylon.

Enik:
Nor I, Will Marshall. And I have been in this valley many times longer than you.

Cha-Ka:
Cha-Ka think it's *new* pylon!

Will Marshall:
Either that, Cha-Ka, or it's been invisible all this time.

Enik:
That is not logical.

Will Marshall:
Now, Enik, if you've been in the Land of the Lost that much longer than we have, you ought to know by now that not everything here is logical.

Enik:
That is logical.

Enik:
I come to speak with the Council.

Enik:
Great Skull, Index of our father's father, speak!

Enik:
Sometimes, Rick Marshall, you demonstrate your intelligence in a strange, but effective, way.

Park Ranger Rick Marshall:
[referring to Grumpy] He never learns, does he?

Holly Marshall:
Well, what do you expect? His brain's only the size of a walnut.

Will Marshall:
I know this is going to sound corny, but take us to your leader.

Park Ranger Rick Marshall:
Oh, I'm convinced that the Land Of The Lost would've destroyed itself, along with us, rather than let the Zarn go.See, I... I don't think it could've done anything else.

Will Marshall:
That thing's busier than the switchboard at the phone company.

Park Ranger Rick Marshall:
A trap is not a trap unless it's trapped something.

Holly Marshall:
When I grow up, I think I'm joining women's lib... even if I am the only libber in the Land of the Lost.

Will Marshall:
Well, maybe the Sleestak aren't so bad after all.

The Builder:
You have already proven yourself. It is not your time.

Will Marshall:
Now Enik, if you've been in the Land of the Lost that much longer than we have, you ought to know that not everything here is logical.

Enik:
That is logical.

Will Marshall:
[speaking to Cha-Ka] Ha ha! Congratulations! Today you're a man!