Lara Croft: Tomb Raider

Lara Croft:
It's a clock... It's ticking.

Bryce:
Oh... one of those ticking clocks, eh?

Lara Croft:
But you might try to kill me.

Manfred Powell:
I'm not going to kill you.

Lara Croft:
I said you'd try.

Lara Croft:
This is where I start to have fun.

Bryce:
So, time to save the universe again then, is it?

Lara Croft:
Absolutely

Bryce:
Me bum's gone to sleep again, all down the left cheek.

Lara Croft:
Really? That's fascinating.

Lara Croft:
I woke up this morning and I just hated everything.

Manfred Powell:
Lady Croft, tell me, is there a good reason why I just kept you alive?

Lara Croft:
Yes. That is not the true eye.

Manfred Powell:
This is the true eye.

Lara Croft:
It's not, actually. It's a mirror image.

Manfred Powell:
Ms. Croft, I think you're trying to cheat me out of my little ray of sunshine.

Lara Croft:
Why would I try and cheat you out of anything, now, I need you to get the piece so I can steal it from you later.

Manfred Powell:
You're bluffing! Julius, make a mental note, kill Ms. Croft if she attempts any such thing.

Lara Croft:
Well we can do it my way, or we can all come back in time for the next allignment and you're welcome to try and kill me then, in oh, say, another 5,000 years.

Lara Croft:
Was it programmed to stop before it took my head off?

Bryce:
Ah well... that would be a... no.

Lara Croft:
Stop!

Lara Croft:
To see your world in a grain of sand, and a heaven in a wild flower. To hold infinity in the palm of your hand, An eternity in an hour. William Blake.

Lara Croft:
We have 83 rooms. Why can't you live in the house?

Wilson:
Well, I'm a free spirit, me.

Manfred Powell:
I don't know about you but I'm not planning to give that much time to this enterprise.

Bryce:
This isn't a country, it's an ice cube!

Bryce:
What's that smell?

Lara Croft:
Five AM

Manfred Powell:
Into the belly of the beast.

Alex West:
And out of the demon's ass.

Bryce:
My ignorance amuses me... My ignorance amuses me?

Lara Croft:
Yes well I've always found your ignorance quite amusing.

Alex West:
Lara Croft... still pretending to be a photojournalist? Ya know, I think it's really cool that you can still keep a day job.

Lara Croft:
So, Alex, still pretending to be an archaeologist?

Alex West:
Lara, do we always have to fight like this? Maybe we don't.

Lara Croft:
Hmm... maybe we do.

Lara Croft:
Always a pleasure.

Alex West:
And now a *cold* shower.

Bryce:
"not live rounds again Lara this is a major remodel you know"

Lara:
"Was it supposed to stop before I took my head off?"

Bryce "Well,no."

Lara:
"hence the live-fire"

[first line; after Simon almost kills Lara Croft]

Lara Croft:
Stop! [Simon stops, and Lara takes out "Kill Lara Croft" card, and inserts "Lara's Party Mix"]

Bryce:
Oh, bugger! Not live rounds, Lara!

Lara Croft:
Oh.

Bryce:
He's in real pain right now. This is a major remodel, you know. This is a disaster!

Lara Croft:
Was it programmed to stop before it took my head off?

Bryce:
Ah, well, that would be a, uh, no.

Lara Croft:
[smirks] Hmm.

Bryce:
But you said to make it more challenging, so--

Lara Croft:
Hence, the live fire.

[Hilary meets Lara outside the shower with heels and a sun dress]

Lara Croft:
Oh... very funny.

Hilary:
I'm only trying to turn you into a lady.

Lara Croft:
Mm... [walks past him and drops the towel she was wearing]

Hilary:
[sighs] And a lady should be modest.

Lara Croft:
Yes, a lady should be modest.

Illuminati Headmaster:
Brothers and sisters, today is the 15th of May. The first day of the planetary alignment, and we are still no nearer to discovering the location of the key. It seems... we are running out of time. This is not acceptable. Mr Powell, your explanation for this, please.

Manfred Powell:
I have no explanation. Certainly no excuses. Except to respectfully remind the council that we are working from clues based on ancient cosmological models... predating Aristotle. But I'm happy to announce that we're almost ready. And I am supremely confident that we will have our answer in time for the relevant planetary alignment.

Illuminati Headmaster:
So, we will have possession of the key in...one week.

Manfred Powell:
Yes, indeed. One week.

Illuminati Headmaster:
This is good news, Mr. Powell. But remember: We have only a single opportunity to retrieve the two halves of the Triangle. And if we fail, we must wait 5,000 years.

Manfred Powell:
Well I don't know about you, but that's more time than I'm prepared to commit to this enterprise.

Illuminati Headmaster:
We shall be ready.

Manfred Powell:
Trust me.

Mr. Pimms:
[he and Powell leave] We're not, uh, we're not ready, are we?

Manfred Powell:
No.

Lara Croft:
[knocks on door] Bryce!

Bryce:
Hello, fellas. How's business?

Lara Croft:
Bryce!

Bryce:
Okay, okay, I'm comin, I'm comin'. [opens the door to see Lara]

Lara Croft:
We have 83 rooms. Can't you live in the house?

Bryce:
Well, I'm a free spirit, me.

Lara Croft:
Right.

Bryce:
[sniffs] What's that smell?

Lara Croft:
5:00 A.M. Let's go.

Bryce:
This had better be good. [next scene] [tired yawn] It's a clock.

Lara Croft:
I found it last night. It was ticking.

Bryce:
Must be one of those ticking clocks, eh?

Lara Croft:
It was hidden in a secret room.

Bryce:
Ooh!

Lara Croft:
Bryce, don't start.

Bryce:
Well, Lara, it's a clock. It ticks, it tells the time. It's wrong.

Lara Croft:
It started ticking... last night, during the first stage of the alignment.

Bryce:
Well, gonna need some coffee. [next scene] Okay, in we go. It looks pretty ordinary to me.

Lara Croft:
Keep looking.

Hilary:
Your coffee. Decaf double latte with non-fat milk.

[Lara rolls her eyes]

Bryce:
Oh, champion. Steaming sump oil.

Lara Croft:
[sees something] Wait, what did you do?

Bryce:
I don't know. What did I do?

Lara Croft:
Where is that?

Bryce:
Don't know. I just took my hand off the fibre optics.

Hilary:
What is that?

Bryce:
Ugh! Bugger!

Lara Croft:
Bugger.

Bryce:
Screw thirteen to quadrant four. Screw fourteen to quadrant three.

Hilary:
Oh, please.

Bryce:
It's my map, so I know where they all came from.

Lara Croft:
It's camouflage. [smashes clock revealing what was hidden]

Bryce:
Okay. "Hidden within." What is that?

Lara Croft:
The All-Seeing Eye.

Alex West:
Lara Croft, I don't believe it. till pretending to be a photojournalist? Y'know, I think it's really cool that you still have a day job... even though it's obviously just for show.

Lara Croft:
[smiles] So, Alex. Are you still pretending to be an archaeologist?

Alex West:
Lara, do we always have to fight like this? I mean, maybe we don't.

Lara Croft:
Hmm. Maybe we do.

Alex West:
Why?

Lara Croft:
You stole my prayer wheels.

Alex West:
Stole? Stole? You know, that's funny. It's not like you ever really owned them or anything.

Lara Croft:
Oh, look, I think your clients need you. Go on, you're wanted on the floor. After all, as you once said, so memorably, "It's all just a business". So go, go do business. Go.

Bryce:
[sarcastically] "My ignorance amuses me." [scoffs] "My ignorance amuses me"?

Lara Croft:
Yes, well, I've always found your ignorance quite amusing. Powell, however, is not ignorant.

Bryce:
No?

Lara Croft:
No. He's a liar.

Manfred Powell:
So, any sign of Lady Croft?

Alex West:
Not yet. Lara is overrated. She is good, don't get me wrong, but she's in it for the glory, whereas I'm in it for the money.

Manfred Powell:
Fortunately. Into the belly of the beast.

Alex West:
And out of the demon's ass.

Lara Croft:
[confronting a naked Alex West] Hello, Alex.

Alex West:
[sighs] I suppose you think I'm a greedy, unscrupulous sellout who'll do just about anything for money?

Lara Croft:
Yes, that's right.

Alex West:
[shrugs] Well, the money bit's true I guess.

Lara Croft:
[steps right up to him] Is it, Alex? If you cross me, we may not be able to remain friends. [looks him up and down and quirks an eyebrow] Hmm. Always a pleasure.

Alex West:
[as she leaves] Now for a cold shower.

[last lines]

Hillary:
[hums but stops and sees Lara in dress and hat and drops tray; shocked] Oh, my God!

Lara:
[to a speechless Hillary] Quiet. [walks to Lord Richard Croft's tombstone with epitaph saying "Lord Richard Croft: Missing in the field May 15, 1985. Lost but never forgotten." She walks back into the manor to see Hillary and Bryce; Hillary holds up a tray with cloth] What? [Bryce takes photo of Lara, and she sees Simon ready for battle] [smirks] Hmm. [Hillary pulls off cloth to reveal her dual pistols. Lara takes off her hat, grabs her pistols and aims at Simon as the movie freeze-frames, and the credits roll.]

Lara Croft:
"Return the iron to the stone's embrace. The wheel of heaven will turn. Exhume the light from it's watery grave to receive the gift of heaven as you are condemned to the depths of Hell." Right. So, pretty much touch anything, and you get your head chopped off.

Bryce:
Poor Simon, what has she done to you?

Bryce:
Well, Lara, it's a clock, it ticks, it tells the time. [looks at his watch] It's wrong.