Larry the Cable Guy's Christmas Spectacular

Mama:
I always wondered where Santa got that phrase 'ho ho ho' from, then I saw his wife.

Tom Cruise impersonator:
My name is Tom and I'm a Scientologist.

Larry:
Everybody sit down, this could take a while... I'm not sure I even know what a scientologist is.

Tom Cruise impersonator:
Scientology is the most famous religion in the world, and it was founded by a science fiction writer and if that's not enough, John Travolta is one of us.

Larry:
You expect me to put a figure in this picture of a religion based on Star Wars and Danny Bobbarino? Let me know when the Mothership arrives and the aliens come.

Larry:
[asked to put a Buddhist figure in his nativity scene] Are there any buddhists in the audience tonight? How about that fat guy in the diaper? [a sumo wrestler comes on stage] Holy Lord, don't eat the sheep.

Larry:
Miss Shania Twain! [the shepherd removes its costume to reveal Mama]

Mama:
Hit it boys!

Larry:
Wait a minute, where's Shania? [sees on the screen, Shania tied up, about Mama] Shania Twain, looks more like Mark Twain.

Larry:
The 3 wise men, at midnight they turn back into janitors.