Latter Days

Elder Aaron Davis:
Look, whatever you thought, don't. We're colors and whites. We don't mix.

Elder Aaron Davis:
I didn't come to unload on you.

Lila:
You gave me the opportunity once. Let me return the favor.

Elder Aaron Davis:
All right after we met, I was sent home and excommunicated from my church... for being gay.

Lila:
Your church doesn't like alcohol or homosexuals. Hmm... Well, I definitely won't be joining. Can't imagine heaven without both.

Christian:
Where did we end up last night?

Julie:
I don't know, but I woke up without my bra. That's never a good sign.

Christian:
I wouldn't worry about it.

Christian Markelli:
Oh, my... say it isn't so.

Keith Griffin:
What?

Christian Markelli:
Well, apparently, poor Pam Anderson has had her breast implants taken out and put back in so many times that her entire chest is collapsing.

Christian Markelli:
They have bikini pictures! They're horrible!

Keith Griffin:
Shut up.

Christian Markelli:
No, they are - seriously. They're down to her knees. Eat your chicken and I'll show you.

Keith Griffin:
Prick.

Keith Griffin:
Ok, gimme the f***ing magazine.

Julie Taylor:
Why don't we play two-on-two?

Ryder:
But you're...

Julie Taylor:
A girl? So I can't play. But then again, I am black, so maybe I can. You're problem's gonna be deciding which one of your narrow-minded stereotypes is gonna kick your lily-white ass.

Ryder:
Yeah, right.

Julie Taylor:
Afraid you'll get beat?

Christian Markelli:
By a girl and a fag?

Elder Aaron Davis:
You can play.

Christian Markelli:
That's just one of my skills. I played in high school... found out all the hot jocks were doing it, but only with other jocks.

Elder Aaron Davis:
Well, I'm already going to Hell for kissing you, so I may as well take the scenic route.

Lila:
I don't believe in coincidence. These days, I believe in miracles.

Traci Levine:
Thank God. She's finally leaving.

Andrew:
Can you believe Entertainment Weekly called her "the new sweetheart of American cinema?"

Traci Levine:
That c*nt? She made Julie take my table because she thought I hadn't bathed recently - like she should talk. Did you see the way she eats?

Andrew:
Yeah. Did you check out her legs? Now I know why they call 'em calves.

Christian Markelli:
I bet after sex, she smokes a ham.

Lila Montagne:
Andrew, darling, a glass of that cuvée. And people, I do hope we're not speaking despairingly about our clientele. Gossip is so ignoble, especially regarding those less fortunate.

Traci Levine:
Less fortunate, that b*tch?

Andrew:
You know something. Come on, tell!

Lila Montagne:
Please, no. I would never tell tales such as... well, with the frequency she does it, the poor child must think that binging and purging are aerobic exercises.

Christian Markelli:
No way! She hardly looks bulimic!

Lila Montagne:
Yes. Well, if I were a different sort, I'd suggest more of the purging and a little less of the binging.

Sister Gladys Davis:
His name was Christian, wasn't it?

Elder Aaron Davis:
What?

Sister Gladys Davis:
Was Christian the one?

Sister Gladys Davis:
What did he do to you?

Elder Aaron Davis:
He... He loved me.

Elder Aaron Davis:
Sometimes it all still feels like a mass of dots. But more and more these days, I feel like we're all connected. And it's beautiful... and funny... and good.

Lila Montagne:
A toast, an affirmation, a prayer of thanks. I want you to know that, wherever we find ourselves in this world, whatever our successes or failures, come this time of year, you will always have a place at my table. And a place in my heart.

Christian:
You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpeting down from heaven. What if this is it instead? Me telling you I love you, right here in the snow? I think that is pretty miraculous.

Christian:
God I hate the snow.

Elder Aaron Davis:
What are you doing here?

Christian:
I came after you. How could you just leave without saying anything.

Elder Aaron Davis:
It's not my choice, I am being sent home in shame. And I'm probably going to be excommunicated.

Christian:
For a kiss? I mean it was a very nice kiss, but come on. We didn't even get to use our tongues.

Elder Aaron Davis:
You wouldn't understand.

Christian:
I'm sorry, I'm not very good at this. See, I've never made a fool out of myself in front of anyone before. But I've never felt this way before about anyone in my entire life.

Elder Aaron Davis:
What for just some guy you can't have. And next week you'll be on to your next conquest?

Christian:
But what if you're not? Huh? What if everything in my entire pathetic life, which I happen to love, has led to this point? Right here, right now. What if you're the blinding light in the middle of the road that strikes me like that guy, the guy in...

Elder Aaron Davis:
The Bible?

Christian:
Yeah.

Elder Aaron Davis:
Paul.

Christian:
Yeah. And what if everything has changed like that... and lions lay down with lambs and colors mix with whites. What if you're the one that I've been waiting for my whole life and I let you go?

Elder Aaron Davis:
You have no idea what I'd be giving up.

Christian:
Damn it! What is wrong with you? You want revelations engraved in gold and angels trumpting down from heaven? But what if this is it instead? Me, telling you I love you, right here, in the snow? I think that is pretty miraculous. But if you don't... I'll go. I'll walk and you can pretend that this was just some coincidence. You can pretend there wasn't some reason that we met, and that you're sorry I ever walked into you life.

Christian:
God, I hate the snow.

Elder Farron Davis:
This isn't easy for me Aaron. But in light of your abnormal and abominable state, and your refusal to see that you've been duped into some hogwash alternative lifestyle. I wish my shame was enough for the both of us. Not to mention the shame you've brought to our church, our family, our ancestors...

Elder Aaron Davis:
Wait a mintue, our ancestors? Dad, your grandfather had at least a half dozen wives, and that goes for every single person in this room. I've say were the original definition of 'alternative lifestyle.'

Elder Farron Davis:
Are you calling us hypocrites?

Elder Aaron Davis:
Oh no, we've gone way beyond hyocrisy, Dad; now, we're just being mean.

Elder Aaron Davis:
Mom.

Sister Gladys Davis:
Uh-huh.

Elder Aaron Davis:
Mom!

Sister Gladys Davis:
What, Aaron what?

Elder Aaron Davis:
Nothing. I just wanted to see if you could bring yourself to look at me.

Sister Gladys Davis:
I'm looking at you, Aaron. What am I supposed to be seeing?

Elder Aaron Davis:
Nothing.

Keith Griffin:
Just where do you think you're going with my goddamn flowers?

Christian:
But they're...

Keith Griffin:
We don't throw anything out that's not completely dead. Deal?

Christian:
Deal.

Keith Griffin:
And another thing, you got to quit coming over here and moping around. You're f***ing depressing me.

Christian:
I'm depressing you?

Keith Griffin:
That what I'm saying, and if we've reached the point that you're dragging on my day, we've got a problem. Seriously, you got to do something. You have to make a move, find a way to get past this.

Christian:
What, are you being the oracle guy again?

Keith Griffin:
No, I'm just being a friend.

Lila:
Christian?

Christian:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just that...

Lila:
Sit

Lila:
Drink.

Lila:
Toss it, that way it's medicinal.

Lila:
One more - doctors orders.

Lila:
Good, its's vital for a man to have a couple of slugs in him when discussing heartache. I think Hemingway told me that.

Christian:
You knew Ernest Hemingway?

Lila:
Margaux, actually. You know, Christian? Beautoes don't always escape tragedy.

Christian:
Oh, God. This... this is hell. I've done something horrible. I'm guilty, and I'm going to burn for it.

Lila:
Funny thing about guilt. There nothing so bad that you can't add a little guilt to it and make it better.

Christian:
But I...

Lila:
Hush, child. You're not going to burn.

Christian:
No?

Lila:
No. Guilt distracts us from a greater truth - that we have an inherent ability to heal. We seem intent on living through even the worst heartbreak.

Christian:
How?

Lila:
Practice,

Lila:
and one more for practice.

Lila:
Remember, that which doesn't kill us -

Lila:
sometimes leaves us maimed for life. But the only way to find out is to face it head-on.

Keith Griffin:
Oh it's back.

Christian:
Yeah, it's back. This may be your f***in' day.

Keith Griffin:
Or maybe I'm just not suffering enough yet. I didn't expect to see you again.

Christian:
Oh come on, you don't think you're gonna go all 'Miss Cleo the Psychic' on my ass is going to scare me off that easy - now do you?

Keith Griffin:
Maybe it was just demantia setting in. Sometimes I read people and I think I'm the oracle of Delphi.

Christian:
Yeah? Well, sometimes I growl at people, but that doesn't make me Eartha Kitt. I'm just going to put this... right about... here.

Keith Griffin:
It doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry.

Christian:
I don't remember asking you if you were. I just deliver this stuff, remember? But my friend Andrew made this, and he doesn't even cook for his boyfriends. So the least you could do is try to be polite, and eat it.

Keith Griffin:
I don't have to pretend to be polite. I think I've... I've earned that right.

Christian:
Oh yes, that's right; you're dying, you're bitter, blah, blah, blah... Fortunatley, I'm shallow, so I'm impervious to that, now eat it.

Keith Griffin:
Impervious? Bet you don't even know how to spell that.

Christian:
Sure I do, it's spelled: Bite me.

Julie:
And you, you can tell that friend of yours, to go f*** himself.

Andrew:
You know, I only have one friend who can actually do that, and I doubt you've met.

Ryder:
Yeah, God hates homos.

Christian:
You're gonna come into my house and tell me God hates homosexuals?

Aaron:
And the French.

Ryder:
[puzzled] God hates the French?

Aaron:
Everyone hates the French.

Aaron:
It looks like you're bleeding. You ok?

Christian:
Um, nah, I'm fine, just go back to your reading.

[Collapses]

Gilford:
Dang it Elder, I'm gonna hit you and it's gonna hurt.

Harmon:
I don't know what pain is.

[Gilford hits him]

Harmon:
Ah! Ow! Hey, that hurt!

Gilford:
I warned you.

Aaron:
Maybe you equate sex with a handshake and that's what? Like a badge? What do you want me to congratulate you?

Christian:
Hey, don't you preach to me, ok? Who are you, some kid from the sticks? You come in here and think you can f***ing judge me?

Aaron:
Oh yeah, I'm just some doodah pudknocker from Pocatello. They ship us here from Dork Island.

Christian:
[laughing] What?

Aaron:
I'm saying I know how retarded you think I am, ok? You found me out, all right? My worst secret. And I'm humiliated now, so your work is done here.

Christian:
Wait, I don't think you're a dork. But if you know how ridiculous you look, why would you do it?

Aaron:
Don't you believe in anything?

Christian:
Yeah.

Aaron:
Then tell me! You tell me one thing in your life, one thing without a shadow of a doubt that you really believe.

Christian:
I believe that Ann Margaret has never been given her due as an actress.

Aaron:
Duh, for Tommy alone and did you see her when she was...

[stops himself]

Christian:
Do you believe in God?

Andrew:
You mean other than Madonna?

Andrew:
Quit bitching. It's the early bird that gets the worm.

Christian:
Huh, there's an incentive, expecially when you can get pizza til 2am.

Andrew:
Ok, here's the deal. After your training, I'm gonna set you up with a route.

Christian:
A route? On my first day?

Andrew:
It's what you do already, it's delivering food - only this time you're driving. Think of yourself as a waiter on wheels.

Christian:
Great. Give me some hot pants and roller skates, this will be the fulfillment of a dream.

Andrew:
[looks Christian up and down] For all of us.

Mort:
Conversation? Why?

Christian:
Don't you ever want to get to know someone? Have it... mean something. Sleep with someone and actually sleep with them.

Mort:
You want to, what? Sleep, together? I don't know, man. Isn't that kinda intimate?

Christian:
Excuse me, a moment ago you were licking my spleen, but sleeping with you would be too intimate?

Keith Griffin:
It doesn't matter, I'm still not hungry.

Christian:
I don't remember asking if you were. I just deliver this stuff, remember? But my friend Andrew made this and he doesn't even cook for his boyfriends so the least you could do is try to be polite... and eat it.

Keith Griffin:
I don't have to pretend to be polite. I think I've, I think I've earned that right.

Christian:
Oh yes, that's right; you're dying, you're bitter, blah, blah, blah... Fortunately I'm shallow so I'm impervious to that, now eat it.

Keith Griffin:
Impervious? Bet you don't know how to spell that.

Christian:
Sure I do, it's spelled: Bite me. And just to show that our little problems in this world don't amount to a hill of beans, I'm gonna read about some people that have some real trouble.

[Opens The National Enquirer]

Aaron:
I am being sent home in shame. And I'm probably going to be ex-communicated.

Christian:
For just a kiss? Don't get me wrong, it was a nice kiss, but hey, come on, we didn't even get to use our tongues.

Julie:
Wait, are you still not over missionary man?

Christian:
I don't know.

Julie:
Chris...

Christian:
It's weird with him disappearing like that.

Julie:
Ok, well then, just stop moping like a school girl, and do something about it. Call him.

Christian:
Just dial 1-800-TORTURED MORMON?

Julie:
Probably. It sounds like there are enough of them.

Julie:
Now, I don't want you to snap to some judgement.

Christian:
Why? Is it some kind of a nasty ass Christina Aguilera skank-a-rama kinda video?

Aaron:
After we, after we met, I was sent home and excommunicated from my church... for being gay.

Lila:
Your church doesn't like alcohol or homosexuals. Hmm... Well, I definitely won't be joining. Can't imagine heaven without both.

Christian Markelli:
I don't like to brag, but I can suck the engine block through the tailpipe of a '58 Chevy.

Christian Markelli:
How come if God talks to Joseph Smith, he's a prophet, but if God talks to me I'm schizophrenic?

Christian Markelli:
Maybe you could try and reach down in your Bible geek soul and be cool for just two seconds?

Christian Markelli:
Ok a**hole, the way I see it you've got a big mouth and only one arm to back it up. So's how's it gonna look when a big flamer kicks the sh*t out of you?

Christian Markelli:
I mean, LA is a city where everyone dances with one eye on the door, like we're all waiting for something better to walk in. But would we ever recognise it if we did? It might be nice to stop circling. it might be nice to stop equating sex with a handshake. It might be nice to have it mean something.

Christian Markelli:
Could be worse, could be raining. Oh yeah: it IS raining.

Aaron Davis:
When I first came to Los Angeles, it looked like just this mass of dots, all jumbled and disconnected. ...It was pretty disorienting.

Aaron Davis:
Look at yourself. You're so pretty and colorful on the outside, but inside you're nothing but fluff. You're like a walking, talking marshmallow Peep!

Aaron Davis:
I can't believe what I was about to do, when there is nothing, Christian, nothing about you that is not skin-deep.

Aaron Davis:
When I was a little kid, I use to put my face right up to them, you know, um, and I was just amazed because it was just this mass of dots, I think life is like that sometimes. But I like to think that, from God's perspective, life, everything - even this... it makes sense. It's not just dots. And instead we're all connected, and it's beautiful and it's funny and it's good. From this close we, we can't expect it to make sense, right now.

Aaron Davis:
We're colours and whites - we don't mix.

Aaron Davis:
[confronting his mother] What if it's not something I've done? What if it's who I am?

Andrew:
F*** you, I'm Donna Reed on a stick.

Andrew:
[On Mormons] Oh, honey, you do not want to let them get into your psyche. You start off listening to Amy Grant, but then, before you know, it's 3am and you got your Visa card and you're giving it to that scary b*tch on TV with the lavender hair.