Leslie Nielsen's Bad Golf Made Easier

Sonny:
You the man, Leslie! I got you, babe!

Leslie Nielsen:
There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice.

Leslie Nielsen:
When you stop your backswing at the top to look at the position of your hands, there are two things you learn: How many hands you have, and which hand has the glove on it.

Leslie Nielsen:
When a foursome is on the green, "Fore" is not an excuse, "So what?" is not an apology, and "Up yours" is not an explanation.

Leslie Nielsen:
The statute of limitations on forgotten strokes is two holes.

Leslie Nielsen:
The difference between a $1 ball and a $3 ball is $2.

Leslie Nielsen:
Never take lessons from your father, never teach your wife to play golf, and never play your son for money.

Leslie Nielsen:
There are three key movements in golf: Keep your head down, keep your stupid head down, keep your damn stupid head down!

Leslie Nielsen:
I don't play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good.

Leslie Nielsen:
Never mention in front of a club professional that you need a new set of clubs, and never buy a putter until you've first had a chance to throw it.

Leslie Nielsen:
Always limp with the same leg for the entire round.

Leslie Nielsen:
Billy, if the ball moves when you swing, then it costs you a stroke. But if only the Earth moves, then, according to all of the laws of physics, the Earth, which is also a ball, albeit a very large one, then the Earth is charged a one stroke penalty.

Leslie Nielsen:
[Leslie walks through a bathroom] Unless you're already bald, never use the comb in the blue fluid.

Leslie Nielsen:
[recurring line] Keep your cool, Billy.

Leslie Nielsen:
It's always the caddie's fault!

Leslie Nielsen:
[Billy is trying to hit his ball out of a sand trap] Billy, the reason the game is called "golf" is because all of the other four-letter words have been taken.

Leslie Nielsen:
A sure way to hit a par is to leave a four foot birdie putt two inches from the hole.

Leslie Nielsen:
Much of a wait for a tee time?

Starter:
Five hours.

Leslie Nielsen:
[final line] Golfers who never cheat, also lie.

Leslie Nielsen:
Whatever you think you're doing wrong, that's the one thing you're doing right.