Lifeguard

Rick Carlson:
[speaking of Machine Gun and his pals] Those are the horniest little guys this side of TJ.

Chris Randall:
TJ?

Rick Carlson:
Tijuana, man

Chris Randall:
Hey, why do they call him Machine Gun?

Rick Carlson:
I don't know, everybody calls him that. Claims he holds the international record for jerking off.

Chris Randall:
[laughst] When I was his age, I thought I held it.

Rick Carlson:
Yeah, we all held it. I think he holds it more.

Rick Carlson:
[at job interview] That blond Adonis image you're talking about, that doesn't fit anymore. There's a lot of training involved. A lot of responsibility. A lot of discipline. I do more P.R. work out on that beach on a summer day than you do in here in a month. But you're right. Saving lives isn't selling cars.

Chris Randall:
Hey, what do you do during the winter?

Rick Carlson:
Same thing I do during the summer.

Rick Carlson:
Yeah? Must get lonely, huh?

Rick Carlson:
Ah, beats selling encyclopedias.

Rick Carlson:
What do you do?

Sandy:
I work for a doctor in Century City.

Rick Carlson:
Oh, are you a nurse?

Sandy:
No, a receptionist.

Rick Carlson:
Well, what kind of doctor?

Sandy:
Gynecologist.

Rick Carlson:
[scoffs] I hear there's a lot of openings in that field.

Sandy:
Oh, no, actually it took me a long time to find.

Rick Carlson:
Then things must be pretty tight.

Sandy:
Yeah, they really are.

Wendy:
Have you made love with many girls?

Rick Carlson:
What, are you writing a book? [smiles]

Wendy:
No, just curious. [a beat] Have you?

Rick Carlson:
Yeah, a few. Have you made love with many boys?

Wendy:
Just once. I didn't really like it, though. We didn't really know what we were doing.

Rick Carlson:
You got lots of time. A woman doesn't hit her prime till she's thirty.

Wendy:
Yeah, by then I wanna be really good at it.

Rick Carlson:
I love to throw bastards like that off my beach.

Mrs. Carlson:
Money isn't everything.

Mr. Carlson:
It's most things, believe me.

Rick Carlson:
See that guy in the blue over there?

Chris Randall:
The old guy?

Rick Carlson:
Yeah. Two ladies complained he was wagging his weenie at them.

Chris Randall:
Hey, you wanna stop for a beer?

Rick Carlson:
Hey man, I'd like to, but I got a little, eh, stewy friend coming in tonight.

Chris Randall:
Yeah? Is it true what they say about stewardesses?

Rick Carlson:
Yeah. And nurses and secretaries and schoolteachers.

Chris Randall:
[laughs] What do they say about schoolteachers?

Rick Carlson:
Ah, they make you do it over and over and over again, till you get it right.