Lilyhammer

Lawyer:
Are you going to the beach? Do you intend to meet Anton Ortiz in shorts?

Torgeir Lien:
These are zip-off pants. I'll put on the bottom part before I meet him. I'm not an idiot!

Lawyer:
Of course not.

Laila Hovland:
The sun is shining and soon the public will be partying. Lighten up.

Geir 'Elvis' Tvedt:
Well, the sun was shining in New York on September 10th, 2001.

Julius Backe:
He can sell camel sh*t to the Arabs. He gets the job done.

Thomas Aune:
[returning with champagne] Here ya go.

Julius Backe, Frank Tagliano:
[clinging glasses] Cheers.

Julius Backe:
To camel sh*t.

Frank Tagliano:
To camel sh*t.

[last lines]

Sigrid Haugli:
[finding new mother magazines in her purse]

Frank Tagliano:
Ya, I really think we need to talk.

Embrik Haukenes:
At my house we don't approve of materialistic gifts.

Frank Tagliano:
Excuse me? Do you speak English?

Embrik Haukenes:
Yes. English, German and Esperanto.

Frank Tagliano:
Well, listen up, Einstein. It's not polite to disrespect other peoples' gifts. Especially when you're givin' away trash you found in your backyard.

Frank Tagliano:
[being threatened by Duncan with a gun] Come on, my friend. Let's have a drink and take it easy.

Duncan Hammer:
You are not my friend, I don't drink, and I haven't taken it easy since 1991.

[last lines]

Aldo Delucci:
Pack your lederhosen boys, you're goin' to Norway.

[Frank and Torgeir save Balotelli from two thugs]

Torgeir Lien:
[in English] That's what you get for f***ing with our n*ggers!

[he and Frank pick up Balotelli and carry him away]

Frank Tagliano:
[to Torgeir] No more Tarantino movies for you!

[voiceover in a letter, as Frank and some of his thugs drag a racist heckler out of the bar]

Balotelli:
Dear nephew! The most wonderful thing has happened here in the cold North. I finally found some friends. They don't like black people, and they sure don't like homosexuals. But they just can't help themselves; they *love* Balotelli.

Frank Tagliano:
This is my cell?

Vidar:
Yes.

Frank Tagliano:
What, no minibar?

Vidar:
[laughs] No. Our philosophy here is that if people have nice surroundings, they'll feel nicer inside too. You understand this?

Frank Tagliano:
I understand I should have been arrested a lot sooner.

Frank Tagliano:
There was no letter. I'd remember.

Einar Lie:
I may have overlooked one of the mailboxes.

Frank Tagliano:
Maybe you're a slimy f***.

[first lines]

Aldo Delucci:
[at coffin] Things'll never be the same without him, hmm?

Frank Tagliano:
No.

Aldo Delucci:
Our people, uh... I know they don't get along like they used to.

Frank Tagliano:
They'll be okay.

Aldo Delucci:
Now Frankie, I know you don't like me because the Commission passed you over. And you being my brother's under-boss you think you shoulda' been the next in line, I understand that.

Frank Tagliano:
As a matter of fact, I like you, Aldo. You're just not qualified to be a boss. You're a bean-counter. You belong on Wall Street. Not wit' us.

Aldo Delucci:
What are you trying to say?

Frank Tagliano:
Everything's money with you, Aldo. You don't have respect for our thing. You got no soul. That's why your brother, Salie boy, rest in peace, never gave you more than his taxes to do every year.

Aldo Delucci:
[seething] Yeah? Well I'm the boss now. And you better make sure your people keep in line.

Frank Tagliano:
Don't worry about my people. But you better worry about yours. [hard stare]

Torgeir Lien:
What did you do back in the States?

Frank Tagliano:
[cleaning his gun] I had a restaurant. A little bar.

Torgeir Lien:
Hmm. You seem to know a lot about guns and pistols for just a restaurant guy.

Frank Tagliano:
You kiddin'? You ever seen the Cooking Channel? It can get pretty rough.

Roar Lien:
[to Frank] You're the f***ing classiest immigrant I've met.

Roar Lien:
What did you do back in the States?

Frank Tagliano:
[cleaning his gun] I had a restaurant. A little bar.

Roar Lien:
Hmm. You seem to know a lot about guns and pistols for just a restaurant guy.

Frank Tagliano:
You kiddin'? You ever seen the Cooking Channel? It can get pretty rough.

Torgeir Lien:
[to Frank] You're the f***ing classiest immigrant I've met.

[first lines]

Frank Tagliano:
[peering through hospital window] Ah, mama mia.

Jonas Haugli:
Has he been beaten up?

Frank Tagliano:
No, no. Uh, he fell down some stairs.

Frank Tagliano:
[to Torgeir] Do me a favor. Try not to think, you're gonna hurt yourself.

Jonas Haugli:
[giving his speech] On days like this it's important to give a thought to those who fight for Norway on a daily basis. I am thinking of our allies on the other side of the Atlantic. Without support from the USA, we would be speaking German, or be a province of the Soviet Union. Congratulations on this day and God bless Norway!

Jan Johansen:
[to Frank] I've realized that you're a fellow it's okay to be on the same team with.

Frank Tagliano:
Why aren't you following them?

Torgeir Lien:
Yeah well, I was supposed to, but then Arne came and put my head into some porridge.

Frank Tagliano:
When an employee gets hurt, you bring 'em a fruit basket. You don't put their mother's picture on the wall with her tits hangin' out.

Jonas Haugli:
[to class] I have chosen to call this course "New Start", because that is exactly what you will get here. A new chance to get to know the multi-headed, but basically pleasant troll we call Norwegian society.

Frank Tagliano:
[having roughed-up Muslim] Don't make me get emotional about this little misunderstanding.

Frank Tagliano:
[first employee meeting] Tell ya a little story about a hero of mine, Benjamin Siegel. Don't call him Bugsy. One day he decided to build the world's biggest club... in the middle of the desert. Everybody laughed. But today, that place is called Las Vegas.

Roar Lien:
Here here!

Frank Tagliano:
We have the same opportunity. And when we're done, people are gonna forget the Olympics were ever here.

Roar Lien:
[stands applauding]

Woman:
Have you thought who's going to be in charge of the HMS?

Frank Tagliano:
[to Roar] What's that?

Roar Lien:
Uh, it's ah, Union stuff.

Frank Tagliano:
Are there any non-Union related questions?

Woman:
[holding up silver short shorts] This is violating the Working Environment Act.

Frank Tagliano:
I'm glad you brought that up. You're fired... Get the f*** out!

Roar Lien:
Get out!

Frank Tagliano:
Does anyone else wanna join the Union?

Other Employees:
[all shaking heads NO]

Frank Tagliano:
What about those punks? They goin' to be punished for this, or what?

Teacher:
Oh no. No, no, we believe that dialog is a much more effective weapon against this kind of anti-social behavior.

Frank Tagliano:
Interesting theory.

Frank Tagliano:
[back in the car] Look eh, your teacher... all this talk, eh, is not... it's no good. It's not gonna get'chu any respect. Here's what'cha gotta do. Next time you see that kid - the leader there, the one with the yellow jacket, uh...

Jonas Haugli:
Fin?

Frank Tagliano:
[handing over money] Let's just say he's found the spiritual wisdom in his heart to admit when he's wrong. And - it's hard to drive a cab with 10 broken figures.

Roar Lien:
Yeah baby, Vegas is coming to Norway.

Jan Johansen:
[to class] I have chosen to call this course "New Start", because that is exactly what you will get here. A new chance to get to know the multi-headed, but basically pleasant troll we call Norwegian society.

Frank Tagliano:
[first employee meeting] Tell ya a little story about a hero of mine, Benjamin Siegel. Don't call him Bugsy. One day he decided to build the world's biggest club... in the middle of the desert. Everybody laughed. But today, that place is called Las Vegas.

Torgeir Lien:
Here here!

Frank Tagliano:
We have the same opportunity. And when we're done, people are gonna forget the Olympics were ever here.

Torgeir Lien:
[stands applauding]

Woman:
Have you thought who's going to be in charge of the HMS?

Frank Tagliano:
[to Roar] What's that?

Torgeir Lien:
Uh, it's ah, Union stuff.

Frank Tagliano:
Are there any non-Union related questions?

Woman:
[holding up silver short shorts] This is violating the Working Environment Act.

Frank Tagliano:
I'm glad you brought that up. You're fired... Get the f*** out!

Torgeir Lien:
Get out!

Frank Tagliano:
Does anyone else wanna join the Union?

Other Employees:
[all shaking heads NO]

Torgeir Lien:
Yeah baby, Vegas is coming to Norway.

[first lines]

Sigrid Haugli:
Think how nice it will be when we get a baby.

Frank Tagliano:
Yes. Mind blowing.

Frank Tagliano:
[birds and bees talk] Next time you get a little anxiety with a girl, you know, a little intimidated, you look at her, up and down, say to yourself, women are food. Yeah. They are a reward for a man's hard day's work. Like a good meal. Why do we call them sugar, honey, sweetie, cupcake. Am I right?

Jonas Haugli:
[thoughtful nod]

Frank Tagliano:
They're our nourishment. They exist to inspire us, with those luscious lips, beautiful tits, round, smooth, creamy asses. Delicious pussies. All waiting to be tasted, licked, bitten, sucked, savored like a fine wine. You get what I'm sayin'?

Jonas Haugli:
Yes!

Frank Tagliano:
That's my boy. Now go to be bed. Remember what I said...

Jaswinder:
[turnig off alarm clock in his luggage] Jaswinder Singh. Not a terrorist, just a boring Sikh from Drammen.

[first lines]

Frank Tagliano:
We gotta move fast, they got Jonas!

Torgeir Lien:
You're asking me to go to war, but won't even say who the enemy is.

Frank Tagliano:
Yeah, maybe you're right. You deserve the truth. You remember about my past life in New York city?

Torgeir Lien:
Yes, when you started up in the restaurant business?

Frank Tagliano:
Well that's not the whole story. I also belonged to an organization that, uh, is a little tough to get out of. Maybe you've heard of it. The CIA.

Robert Grasso:
Enjoy life as a dead man.

Frank Tagliano:
Tell me about it.

Frank Tagliano:
It's the land of Norway, huh? The land of second chances.

[last lines]

Frank Tagliano:
[to pianist] Play that song I like...