Live Free or Die Hard

John McClane:
Yippee-ki-yay, motherf***er [partially cut in theatrical version]

John McClane:
[Rand is jumping between walls in the cooling column] Damn hamster!

John McClane:
Stay still, spider-boy!

John McClane:
I'm gonna kill this motherf***er and get my daughter back, or get my daughter and kill this motherf***er.

John McClane:
That's gonna wake the neighbours.

John McClane:
Just another day in paradise.

John McClane:
Yeah I saw it. I did it.

John McClane:
All right, that's enough of this kung-fu sh*t!

John McClane:
[mocking his boss] "Can't be a uniform John!" [to bystander] Get over to a wall sir!, [continues mocking] "Feds called in a favor! All you got to do is go pick up a kid (groans) in Jersey and drive him down to D.C." How hard can that be, Huh? Can't be that hard, No, can it? No, gotta be a senior detective!

John McClane:
Thing like a traffic jam, throwing a car at me's gonna stop me?

John McClane:
I know I'm not as smart as you guys at all this computer sh*t. But, hey... I'm still alive, ain't I? I mean, you've GOT to be running out of bad guys by now, right? Huh? Gabriel? Honestly, you can tell me. I mean, how does that work? Got some kind of service or something? Some kind of 800 number? 1-800-HENCHMEN? Oh, you know what? I bet you're still on hold with, "Can I get another dead Asian hooker b*tch over here right away?"

John McClane:
Do you know what you get for being a hero? Nothin'. You get shot at. Pat on the back, blah blah blah. 'Attaboy.' You get divorced... Your wife can't remember your last name, kids don't want to talk to you... You get to eat a lot of meals by yourself. Trust me kid, nobody wants to be that guy. [I do this] because there is nobody else to do it right now. Believe me if there was somebody else to do it, I would let them do it. There's not, so [I'm] doing it. That's what makes you that guy."

John McClane:
[Climbing the SUV] Let's just talk about this for one second [Mai punches him]

John McClane:
[choking Mai with chains] There, that's not too tight is it?

John McClane:
Command center? [laughs] It's a basement!

John McClane:
[Drives a police car at a helicopter] Oh, this was a bad f***ing idea! [Jumps out of the police car which crashes into the helicopter and destroys it]

John McClane:
[Kills Rand by dropping him into spinning gears and laughs mockingly] Oh, ho, ho, no!

Thomas Gabriel:
[to Farrell] We are leaving in three minutes. You have one.

Thomas Gabriel:
[to Trey] Don't ever hesitate like that again.

Thomas Gabriel:
[to McClane] I'm doing the Country a favour... But the question is, is the Country willing to pay for it?

Thomas Gabriel:
[to McClane] What's the matter - cat got your tongue?

Thomas Gabriel:
[after discovering that the Warlock was hacking into his network] Fat bastard.

Thomas Gabriel:
[Last words] On your tombstone, it should read: "Always at the wrong place at the wrong time."

Thomas Gabriel:
[to McClane] You have no idea who I am, or what am I capable of.

The Warlock:
Why'd you bring a cop into my command center?

The Warlock:
Thomas Gabriel's the guy who shut down NORAD with a laptop just to prove a point, and you think I'm scared of you?

The Warlock:
All of Baltimore heard you, ma!.

The Warlock:
[Learns what McClane wants him to do and can't believe it] You want me to open a comlink with the head of the FBI's Cyber Division?

Mrs Kaludias:
Freddy get the f*** up here!

Matt Farrell:
(After Lucy tells him off) Wow, I've heard that tone before but not from someone with... hair. (referring to how McClaine is always telling him off)

Lucy McClane:
(to Matt Farrell) Your going to need to dig deep and find a bigger set of balls before this is over.

Matt Farrell:
[After his neighbor exposes his identity to McClane who he has lied to] Good luck at the Bad Timing Awards!

John McClane:
Bowman. Bowman, did you see that? Bowman! It's a fake!

Miguel Bowman:
I see it. Thank God. McClane.

John McClane:
Bowman.

Miguel Bowman:
Satellite's down

Matt Farrell:
Have you ever done that before?

John McClane:
Done what?

Matt Farrell:
Killed people.

John McClane:
[referencing the first three films] Yeah, but not for a long time.

[Gabriel decides to have Lucy talk some sense into McClane]

Lucy McClane:
Dad?

John McClane:
Hi baby.

Lucy:
Now there are only five of them. [Gabriel glares at her]

John McClane:
Hang in there Lucy, I'm coming.

[Gabriel smacks Lucy in anger]

[Lucy McClane has just shot Emerson, Gabriel's henchman, in the foot with his own gun]

Thomas Gabriel:
[to Emerson] Jesus Christ! You've got her?

[Emerson nods yes]

Thomas Gabriel:
You're sure?

[McClane has just taken out the helicopter by sending a police car flying up into the air through the tollbooth]

[Theatrical version of this dialogue]

Matt Farrell:
You just killed a helicopter with a car!

John McClane:
I was out of bullets.

[The unrated version features slightly different dialogue]

Matt Farrell:
You just killed a helicopter with a car!

John McClane:
Hundreds of thousands of people die from car accidents every year. That was just, like, four more.

[Farrell has a bullet wound in his leg after being shot]

John McClane:
Hey, chicks dig scars.

[Farrell looks at Lucy]

John McClane:
Not that one.

[from the unrated version]

Thomas Gabriel:
[probing a gunshot wound in McClane's shoulder with his gun] On your tombstone, it should say "Always at the wrong place at the wrong time."

John McClane:
How about... [grunts] Yippee-ki-yay... motherf***er?! [grabs the gun and fires it through himself and into Gabriel, killing him]

John McClane:
Ah, bullshit! It's always about the money!

Thomas Gabriel:
What I shouldn't get paid for my work? I'm working my ass off here, John!

John McClane:
Just sit tight a**hole, I got a big f***ing check for you!

[Mai Linh is posing as an FBI agent on a line directing McClane and Farrell's car. Farrell recognizes Mai's voice]

Matt Farrell:
That's her!

John McClane:
"Her" who?

Agent Johnson:
What're you talking about?

Matt Farrell:
It's them.

John McClane:
Are you saying it's "them" them?

Matt Farrell:
I swear to you, I know her! I would know her voice anywhere! [McClane picks up his handset] Don't say anything! Don't...

John McClane:
Just keep your mouth shut for a minute. [speaks into the radio. Mai, along with Gabriel and several other henchmen, listen in] Hey, Metro, how's your day going over there? Gotta be pretty, uh, crazy over there, what with all those 587s, huh?

Mai Linh:
Yes sir; we've had to dispatch all units.

John McClane:
Yeah, you had to dispatch all units for all the naked people walking around? Cut the bullshit, honey, just put your boss on.

[Mai passes her headset over to Gabriel as the two FBI vehicles turn onto another street]

Thomas Gabriel:
[over radio] Officer McClane.

John McClane:
It's Detective McClane, a**hole. Don't worry, though, we're gonna have plenty of time to get to know each other when I come visit you in prison. [Trey begins pulling up information on McClane on his computers]

Thomas Gabriel:
But, John, I already know so much about you: your address in Brooklyn; payments on your mortgage; how long you've been a member of the NYPD; and how's Holly? [We see that he's pulled up Holly's license plate and information] Well that's sad - you're divorced. Was that tough on little Jack and Lucy? [He pulls up McClane's pension fund] Now this is sad: after 30 years I'd have thought you'd have a better pension plan than what I see here. Oh, and it gets worse: [presses a button that wipes out McClane's 401k] your 401k no longer exists! Tell you what, let me make it up to you: shoot Mr. Farrell in the head and drive away, and by the time you reach the end of the next block, all your debts will be wiped clean, and your children will be set for life.

Matt Farrell:
What's the plan?

John McClane:
Find Lucy and kill everyone else.

[Gabriel's team broadcasts their message, which they made by meticulously splicing together clips of presidential speeches from the last twelve Presidents from FDR up to George W. Bush]

[Fanfare begins, but suddenly winds down]

John F. Kennedy:
My fellow Americans:

Ronald Reagan:
It is time to

Harry Truman:
strike

George W. Bush:
fear

George H. W. Bush:
into

Franklin Roosevelt:
the minds of

George W. Bush:
the citizenry.

Molina:
[from the mobile command center] It's an unauthorized broadcast.

[footage continues]

John F. Kennedy:
Ask not what your country can do

George W. Bush:
to avert

Bill Clinton:
this

Jimmy Carter:
crisis. The answer is

Harry Truman:
nothing whatsoever.

George W. Bush:
Our military

Ronald Reagan:
strength

Richard Nixon:
is

Ronald Reagan:
in

Bill Clinton:
this

George W. Bush:
case

Franklin D. Roosevelt:
useless!

George H. W. Bush:
Read my lips:

Ronald Reagan:
The

George W. Bush:
great

Jimmy Carter:
confident

Richard Nixon:
roar

George W. Bush:
of

Ronald Reagan:
the American

Ronald Reagan:
progress

Lyndon B. Johnson:
and

Gerald Ford:
growth

George W. Bush:
has

Franklin D. Roosevelt:
come

Harry Truman:
to

Richard Nixon:
an end.

George W. Bush:
All the

Harry Truman:
vital

Bill Clinton:
technology

Richard Nixon:
that

George W. Bush:
this

Lyndon B. Johnson:
nation

Gerald Ford:
holds

Franklin Roosevelt:
dear -

John F. Kennedy:
all

Bill Clinton:
communication,

Gerald Ford:
transportation,

Bill Clinton:
Internet

Bill Clinton:
connectivity,

George W. Bush:
electrical

George W. Bush:
power,

John F. Kennedy:
critical

Bill Clinton:
utilities -

Lyndon B. Johnson:
Their

Ronald Reagan:
fate

George W. Bush:
now

Franklin Roosevelt:
rests

Ronald Reagan:
in

Richard Nixon:
our

George W. Bush:
hands.

George W. Bush:
We will not tire. We will not falter. And we will not fail.

Molina:
I don't know how they're getting in.

[footage continuing]

George W. Bush:
Thank you.

Richard Nixon:
And a

George W. Bush:
happy

George W. Bush:
Independence Day

Dwight D. Eisenhower:
to everyone.

[the footage ends]

Casper:
[impressed] That was creepy!

Trey:
I tried to find more Nixon.

[After McClane kills Mai, Farrell is counteracting the shutdown procedures Gabriel has initiated by sending an advertising bomb to Gabriel's computers. Gabriel rings Mai's cell phone, which McClane picks up]

Thomas Gabriel:
Mai, talk to me. What's going on?

John McClane:
Mai? Oh yeah, the scrawny little Asian chick, likes to kick people? I don't think she's going to be talking to anyone for a very long time. Last time I saw her, she was at the bottom of an elevator shaft with an SUV rammed up her ass.

Mrs Kaludias:
Frederick, didn't you hear me?

Warlock:
All Baltimore heard you, Ma!

John McClane:
[checking out a Boba Fett stand-up poster] Nice poster.

Warlock:
What, like you a big fan of the Fett?

John McClane:
No. I was always more of a "Star Wars" kinda guy.

Warlock:
[Annoyed and disbelieving at McClane's stupidity] A Star Wars kinda guy?!

Agent Johnson:
Special Agent Johnson, We'll take the sedan.

John McClane:
Agent Johnson?

Agent Johnson:
That's right. This way please.

John McClane:
[under his breath] Great... [This is a reference to a running gag in the first movie about two unrelated special agents named Johnson]

Thomas Gabriel:
McClane? I thought I killed you already.

John McClane:
I get that sometimes.

[After McClane kills Mai, Farrell is counteracting the shutdown procedures Gabriel has initiated by sending an advertising bomb to Gabriel's computers. Gabriel rings Mai's cell phone, which McClane picks up]

Thomas Gabriel:
Mai, talk to me. What's going on?

John McClane:
Mai? Oh yeah, the scrawny little Asian chick, likes to kick people? I don't think she's going to be talking to anyone for a very long time. Last time I saw her, she was at the bottom of an elevator shaft with an SUV rammed up her ass. Listen, jackass; your fire sale is over. Just pack up your little circus, or I'm gonna come and I'm gonna kick your ass.

Thomas Gabriel:
[seethingly] You. Have no idea. Who I am, or what. I am capable of! When I'm finished here - and I promise it'll be soon! - I will focus. All my attention. On you! You want to make things personal, fine!