Look Who's Talking Too

James Ubriacco:
Let's see, we've got Schwarzenegger and Betty Boop. Hmm, tough call, they're both really built and they both talk funny.

James Ubriacco:
Mike, this is a potty okay? Now when you wanna take a piss ...

Mollie Ubriacco:
Don't say piss.

James Ubriacco:
Okay, when you wanna take a whiz ...

Mollie Ubriacco:
Ugh!

James Ubriacco:
What? "See a man about a horse"? "Drain the snake"? What do you want me to say?

Mollie Ubriacco:
Pee-pee.

James Ubriacco:
Pee-pee is such a wimp word.

Stuart:
You guys make me laugh. You're really funny. You stock up your cabinets with bottled water and flashlights, well what do you think is going to happen when the sh*t really hits the fan? You know like earthquakes and flash floods just a lot of chaos and horror, people dying in the streets and you're sitting here nice and pretty with your bottled water. Now the guy next store has got one of these

Stuart:
Who's gonna go thirsty? Him or you?

Mikey:
Got you a gift for coming into the world, here it is,

Mikey:
Have a cow, honey.

Mikey:
Alright don't have a cow.

Mikey:
Poor Daddy, hanging out with buttholes all day long.

Julie:
As God is my witness, I'm going to learn to walk, and get the hell out of here.

Julie:
Well here I am, all conceived and nowhere to go.

Mollie Ubriacco:
See, Mikey, Mommy is a girl so she doesn't have a penis.

James Ubriacco:
But she's got some set of balls!

James Ubriacco:
Why is it that every time drink out of the milk carton, I get a lecture, but Travis Bickle moves in with a semi-automatic weapon, and it's okay?

Mollie Ubriacco:
A little unloaded gun makes him feel better.

James Ubriacco:
Makes him feel better? Why doesn't he go to the top of the Empire State Building and shoot student nurses? Maybe that'll make him feel better.

Mollie Ubriacco:
This is New York. Women carry unloaded guns in their purses.

Mollie Ubriacco:
Isn't that great, honey! Your brother went pee-pee

Julie:
Big deal. I made a doody!

Mikey:
I don't care what you say, I'm not pooping in that thing. I've got my standards.

Mikey:
Eddie what ya say we go and get an apple juice?

Eddie:
Nah Mike I'm into my little training thing

Mikey:
What kinda training thing?

Eddie:
You know I'm wearing the trainin pants man

Mikey:
Oh man, don't tell me you're goin along with this potty business too?

Eddie:
We have to Mike cos the Toilet man says so

Mikey:
Who?

Eddie:
Mr Toilet man, he likes to eat your doody an your pee-pee. So I say give it to him

Mikey:
Eat your doody and your pee-pee who told you that?

Eddie:
My mother, why? You callin her a liar?

Mikey:
No

Eddie:
She told me diapers are for babies

Mikey:
But eat your doody and your pee-pee? Eddie the thought is too hideous to comprehend

James Ubriacco:
When you wanna take a pee-pee okay you do it in here and you just do this, you take it out

Mollie Ubriacco:
Oh come on

James Ubriacco:
What?

Mikey:
Dad, who's kidding who huh?

James Ubriacco:
And the same token, when you wanna take a dump

Mollie Ubriacco:
Poo-poo

Mikey:
This is a joke right?

James Ubriacco:
I know it sounds disgusting Mike but you know you gotta trust me on this okay

Mikey:
Let me get this straight you want me to take a dump outside my diaper?