Looney Tunes: Reality Check

[Porky Pig has just been voted off of the island]

Daffy Duck:
Too bad he didn't stick around for the pig roast.

Bugs Bunny:
[laughs] Yeah, "Porky: the other white meat!"

Wile E. Coyote:
Your honor, I contend the Road Runner has ignored the intended lethality of this Acme merchandise, committing numerous violations of...

Granny:
[bangs her hammer on her desk] In English!

Wile E. Coyote:
He wont let me catch him!

Granny:
Prove it!

Wile E. Coyote:
Allow me to demonstrate.

Road Runner:
Meep, meep!

Foghorn Leghorn:
Objection, I say objection your honor!

Granny:
Overruled! [to Wile E. Coyote] Continue, Mr. Coyote.

Bugs Bunny:
[surprised] Regis Philbin?!

Granny:
[somewhat angrily] I don’t want him on this island!

Elmer Fudd:
[opening the door] I thought I'd never get wid of that scwewy duck.

Voiceover:
Real cases. Involving real cartoon characters. All decisions are final.

Granny:
Fudd vs. Duck.

[Elmer Fudd looks to the right. The crowd looks on. Granny looks both ways.]

Granny:
[looking both ways] Now where IS that Duck?

Daffy Duck:
[popping out in Granny's robe] Not in there!

[Daffy goes crazy around the court room.]

Daffy Duck:
[to the crowd] Anybody see the duck?!

[A crowd member grabs him.]

Random Person in the Crowd:
OOOOOH!

Daffy Duck:
[being grabbed] I-a hands wall...

[The crowd person takes Daffy to his desk.]

Granny:
What you're about to see may make YOU laugh, but it is guaranteed to make these boys CRY.

[The lights reveal Sylvester Pussycat, Daffy Duck, and Yosemite Sam.]

Granny:
Welcome to Tear Factor!

[Applause]

[Cuts to Sylvester, who is trying to eat Tweety up, like usual.]

Tweety:
You bad ol' Puddy Tat!

[Foghorn Leghorn whacks Sylvester with a log, making him dizzy. Then, Tweety sticks out her tongue to him.]

Bugs Bunny:
[narrating] Every night, they gather at Tomb Council, where they must vote someone out.

[Zooms to Daffy in his cabin.]

Daffy Duck:
[to the camera] Shhh! I'm forming a secret alliance!

Granny:
Just the facts, Q-Ball! I haven't got all day!

Elmer Fudd:
I was in the park, minding my own business.

Daffy Duck:
And, THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm SUING HIM for trespassing!

[Elmer Fudd gets mad and shoots Daffy. There is a gasp from the crowd.]

Daffy Duck:
Objection, your honor, badgering the witness.

[Daffy's beak falls onto his desk.]

Granny:
I have heard enough. [bangs her hammer on her desk] It is my ruling that you 2 need to work this stuff out together. I sentence you to 3 months of cohabitation. [bangs her hammer on her desk]

Emeril:
[holding a cob of corn] Bam!

Bugs Bunny:
[narrating] What happens when 9 Looney Tunes are stranded on a jungle peninsula? They must compete against each other in order to win $100.

[Daffy Duck takes the coconut off of his head and sees a $100 bill flying by.]

Bugs Bunny:
[to the camera] Ehh, what can I say? It's Warner Bros. Only one will last to become... [coming out from the logo, munching a carrot] ...the Toon Marooned!

Daffy Duck:
I told you we shouldn't make fun of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"!

Bugs Bunny:
Today, our Toons will compete for the immunity anvil. That means the winner can't be voted off the show tonight.

Bugs Bunny:
The weather here in Festeroon can be mighty unpredictable.

Daffy Duck:
Tonight, we're gonna vote off...

Yosemite Sam:
You've been getting mighty bossy since we started this galdurn alliance!

Daffy Duck:
We'll just see who's still around after tonight's vote!

Bugs Bunny:
The first castaway to catch a fish wins immunity tonight. Ready? Go! [the contestants start running]

Bugs Bunny:
[in newscaster voice] Yes! We're down to the Final 4! [in normal voice] They must be starving by now.

Tweety Bird:
[She gets visualized by Sylvester as a drumstick] I don't like the way he's looking at me.

Tasmanian Devil:
[He visualizes Daffy Duck as a cooked up meal] Roast ducky.

Bugs Bunny:
[Sylvester tries to eat Bugs, but gets blasted by water] Against the rules.

[Sylvester whispers something to Daffy]

Daffy Duck:
We can't vote him off. He's the host of the show.

Bugs Bunny:
Today, we're gonna have a little roundup.

[the four toons cheer and get cowboy gear]

Sylvester:
Let's head them off at the pass!

Bugs Bunny:
A SNAKE roundup. The first one to bring a snake back to the beach wins immunity.

[Dressed up as Steve Irwin and speaking in an Australian accent]

Bugs Bunny:
And the only ninety-nine percent of them are poisonous.

Tweety Bird:
Oooh, I taught I taw an anaconda!

[She lassos the snake]

Tweety Bird:
I did! I did see an anaconda!

Daffy Duck:
[Sees tons of snakes inside the dark cave] Mother!

Bugs Bunny:
It's a three-way tie for immunity here tonight.

Tweety Bird:
[riding her anaconda] Hi-ho, Silver! Yee-haw! Get along, little anaconda!

Bugs Bunny:
Ehh, sorry, Taz. No snake, no immunity. You're outta here!

Daffy Duck:
It's mine. Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine! I've won it all!

Bugs Bunny:
I said, touch the idol, Daffy, not move it!

The Mighty Volcano God:
Who has dared to disturb the slumber of the Mighty Volcano God?!

Bugs Bunny:
Hmm. If we're up here, I wonder who won the race down there?

[Sylvester gets whacked by a bear]

Bear:
Rah! Rah!

[Sylvester becomes dizzy]

Tweety Bird:
[excitedly] Oh, my!

Foghorn Leghorn:
The defense rests.

[drumroll]

Wile E. Coyote:
[leaps out dressed like a green bat] Your honor...

Granny:
[fires a plunger at his face] Zip it! Don't even try it!

Bugs Bunny:
Congratulations to Tweety who has won immunity and gets to vote off the Toon of her choice. [to Sylvester, who is strapped onto a firework rocket] Sorry, Sylvester. Tweety has spoken.

Sylvester:
Why me? What did I EVER do to you?

[Bugs and Tweety launch Sylvester into the air, and a firework bursts out to look like him.]

Tweety Bird:
[telling herself, to the camera] Oh, the poor Puddy Tat. He fly up in the air and go BOOM!

[Bugs and Tweety are sailing away]

Bugs Bunny:
[last lines] Well, folks, that's a wrap. Hey, I wonder if that 2nd Tribe made out any better than YOU guys.

[cuts to the 2nd tribe containing Marvin the Martian, Speedy Gonzales, Gossamer, Witch Hazel, Barnyard Dawg, Beaky Buzzard, K-9, Marc Anthony, Miss Prissy, and Hippety Hopper standing around]

Beaky Buzzard:
Bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo... Nope!

[The movie ends]

Granny:
Sam has... a slimy insect grub sandwich.

[Yosemite Sam takes a bite into the slimy insect grub sandwich and swallows it.]

Yosemite Sam:
Mmm, that's a mighty fine grub. Tastes like chicken.

Random Audience Member:
LOL!

[Daffy and Bugs are looking through their binoculars.]

Porky Pig:
We'll be in Las Vegas before you can say... yibbi-dibbi-dib... we clean up.

[Porky and Sylvester fly away.]

Bugs Bunny:
[seeing that Sylvester and Porky Pig are ahead of them] They're gonna be tough to catch!

Daffy Duck:
At least we're still ahead of those OTHER losers...

[Taz and Yosemite Sam crash into Daffy and Bugs.]

Bugs Bunny:
Hey, Sammy, I think our cars got stuck together! Eh, would you mind backing up a little?!

Yosemite Sam:
I ain't backing up at all!

Tweety Bird:
[seeing Porky and Sylvester flying] I tawt I taw a helicopter!

[The blade shaves her feathers.]

Tweety Bird:
I did. I did tee a helicopter.

[She becomes dizzy. Porky and Sylvester's car collapses.]

Voiceover:
[first lines] Sports Blab! Sports Blab! Sports Blab! Sports Blab! Sports Blab! Sports Blab!

Tweety Bird:
[first lines] Tonight on Sports Blab, we have highlights from the hardwood, the diamond, and...

Porky Pig:
[first lines] Badminton courts. [whacks Sylvester with a Badminton racket]

[repeated line]

Elmer Fudd/Daffy Duck:
Uwaaagghhhh!