Lucky Numbers

Russ:
What about the puffer?

Crystal:
Yeah, well at first I couldn't find it, and when we found it... it was all out of you know... sh*t... the... um

Russ:
Mist?

Crystal:
Yeah that's it. Do you know what his last words were?

Russ:
Come on, don't do this.

Crystal:
Krystal, my sweet angel. Go into my wallet and get the ticket because you and Russ deserve to have that money.

Russ:
Oh, come on... don't do this to me...

Crystal:
F*** me, no fried clams?

Crystal:
All right... key lime pie!

Russ:
Well, now that Walter's dead we need to find ourself a new beard.

Crystal:
Oh... I know one! We could have Scatter... he's this really sweet guy from high school that installed my carpet.

Russ:
Want to have sex?

Crystal:
Oh, yeah sure!

Russ:
What about this little missy? There's enough mist in this little puppy to save 10 masturbators!

Larry:
Remember I told you about my brother's car, the one that got in a wreck?

Russ:
For the sake of expediency, I am going to say yes.

Gig:
It's merely the concept of gravity.

Russ:
No, no, the concept of gravity is when you fall down and break your head open.

Gig:
Well, obviously your glass is half empty.

Russ:
No, my glass is totally empty!

Walter:
Do you masturbate, Russ?

Russ:
Jeez, I've been so busy lately I barely polish my shoes.

Russ:
As our Jewish friends say: "Enjoy."

Larry:
Look Russ, remember I told you about my cousin's stepdad? The one with the roadside fun park in Colorado.

Russ:
Well, if you did, my brain immediately purged it.

Crystal:
Do not f*** with me you sick, masturbating retard!

Walter:
Go ahead and rape me, that's what you want!

Dale:
Unfortunately Russell we have a new wrinkle in the situation.

Russ:
Oh really? What's the wrinkle?

Dale:
Basically I had to play pinata with Jerry the bookie's skull. See, that sort of ups the invoice a little.

Russ:
Is he okay?

Dale:
No, he's dead.

Russ:
Oh! Oh, God!

Dick Simmons:
Don't say anything. Not a word. Because if I hear one bullshit comment like, "What's that?" or "What are you talking about?" I'm gonna pick that phone up and call the cops.

Russ:
What? Wh-what do you mean?

Russ:
It slipped out! Dick, we're listening. Go ahead.

Larry:
No man becomes wise without stepping on the soil of fools.

Russ:
Right. Right! But I never claimed to be a... that's good. Where did you get that? Is that from the bible?

Larry:
No, actually it's from this play I wrote in eight grade about Evel Knievel.

Russ:
Oh Crystal, we are under surveillance. Last night I stopped by a convenience store. A cop pulled in behind me, he got out, he followed me in... and then he pretended to get a cup of coffee!

Crystal:
Did he pretend to get a doughnut?

Crystal:
What is this? Schnapps? What am I, in third grade? Can I have a drink please?

Crystal:
There is a limit to my classiness!

Gig:
Tch. Quite Obviously.

Put a motor on it, Jakey!